How to make him miss you.
How to make any guy miss you.
Now when I hear that question what I really hear is, how do I become a priority in his
life?
How do I get him to spend more time and put more attention on me in the relationship?
Ultimately you probably can't determine exactly how much of a priority any particular guy
makes you but what you can do is everything that's on your side of the fence that maximizes
that opportunity and that's exactly what we're gonna be teaching today.
So, we're going to give you three tips – three secrets, three ways of looking at this question
that will help position you more as a high-value woman in his life, and get to be a priority
and have the attention that you deserve.
So, Jack do want to start us off with number one?
So, the first way that you can make a man miss you is by your being his sanctuary.
You’re being his safe and soft place to rest his head.
When you think about it probably the men that you're attracted to probably care about their
careers.
You know maybe they work pretty hard, maybe they're building a business, maybe they're
professional and they've already got a lot of problems in their life, they've already
got a lot of stress that will just come from the work that they do in the world.
So, one of the things that can really entrance a man and can have him want you is that you
help provide a context and nest where he can actually forget the worries of the world and
importantly that you're not adding another problem to his plate, right.
That you're actually the place where he thinks about you he thinks about fun, he thinks about
great, he thinks about lightness, he thinks about relaxation, he thinks about connection.
And not like, “another problem I have to handle.”
Absolutely.
And what I hear you saying too is if you are dating a man who is a really masculine man,
so perhaps he's driven with work, he's driven with making money, there's a certain sense
of status that he wants, there's a lot of challenges that men silently suffer from and
they don't necessarily articulate to women because they're ashamed of it, right.
So, he is already experiencing as Jack points out perhaps problems or a lot of pressure
in other areas of his life.
And if you are adding pressure to his life and you are another problem for him to solve
another commit that he feels like he has to pay attention to, it actually stops him from
feeling like he has any resources to move into you.
But if you position yourself more as a sanctuary with softness with levity with lightness then
all the pressure in his life actually ends up pushing him into you, naturally.
Because you're the place where he begins to recharge, you're the place where he begins
to feel whole again, where he begins to feel like he can take on the world with more vigor
and with more courage.
So that's point one become his sanctuary.
Yes, and do that by softness and vulnerability where you're actually inviting him into this
very different space than he would be in the rest of his life.
You know I know this rehearsal experience when I've been super stressed.
Sometimes I don't even want to be social.
I just want to see my woman if she can meet in that space.
And what's just an example for anybody watching this.
What would be an example of a softness of something that allows you to maybe, like you,
to play with that metaphor: rest your head.
And be able to like be recharged.
Yes.
I'm imagining, you know, maybe like grabbing him by the shoulders and giving him a little
massage.
I'm imagining maybe cooking a nice dinner, creating a nice evening where he can perhaps
relax with you, snuggle up, maybe gonna watch a movie, maybe gonna make love but there's
like there's just a sort of ease and relaxedness to the evening.
This is gonna make even more sense as we go through these next two points.
So, let's dive into the second one.
Let's do it.
And shall I dive into that one?
Okay.
So, the next one is focus on the connection rather than the commitment.
So, with all of these points here what we're teaching you how to do here is strengthen
the connection that you do have with him so when he's not with you there is the sense
of longing that is naturally there.
Because what he gets to experience with you is something where he gets to feel at ease,
he gets to feel relaxed, he gets to feel like he can unfold and allow his vulnerable parts
out and so this point of folks in the connection over the commitment is one way of doing it.
The most important asset that you will create with any man in any relationship is not the
relationship itself, it's not the agree, it's not the commitment, it's actually the connection
in the intimacy that the two of you share – which actually has very little to do with
in trying to make him commit, trying to get him to agree to something that his heart is
not fully in.
So, what were ultimately trying to do here when we're focusing in the connection is we're
wanting to set the game up, so he is wanting to commit to you, rather than feeling like
he's forced to.
He's wanting to come back into connection with you rather than feeling like it's an
obligation.
Do you want to say a little bit about that?
I want to say I really love this point.
I think it's really profound.
If you're a woman in your quote trying to get your guy to commit, you've already kind
of lost the game a little bit right because what you want is that he has an internal desire
to commit and create a life with you or put roots down with you.
If you're trying to force him into that or kind of strong on him, you've already upset
the kind of natural polarity right of like allowing him to lead and that you're trusting
in his lead and humility to make decisions.
So, for a man to feel that he's in this connection with you and that's what you most care about
and that you're able to track the quality of the connection right now.
“Are we actually emotionally connected?” because, you know not all men, but a decent
a number of us we sometimes struggle to track that.
Well it's like we might be hanging out and we're like, “hey what's the problem?”
And it's like you're actually paying attention to, “hey we're not really in sync right
now,” or, “we're not really finding each other, we're not dropping into that next level
of debt and vulnerability.”
I want to make just a piggyback off of that a little bit with some of the women that we've
worked with in the past, they are feeling like in order to have that type of emotional
connection with a man that some type of commitment needs to be in place first.
So, what they do is they actually starve the connection which is the only thing that actually
matters, and using it almost as a bartering tool to try to get the commitment that they're
looking for.
What we're saying is almost flip-flopped that equation and realize that he's not gonna commit
unless there's something worthy of actually committing to.
And that's not necessarily having sex with him, that's not necessarily you compromising
your values, it just means focusing on actually developing intimacy – emotional intimacy
with him regardless of whether there is an agreement or a label in place if what you
are wanting is a vision of a relationship with him.
I mean that is sometimes difficult right for women to want to open when there's not a certain
amount of kind of containment.
But I think there's a sweet sort of spot of balance in there.
Maybe that you still need to ask for some things that would allow you to open certain
ways, but you should be tracking whether a commitment is a natural thing that he would
want to make right.
And if it's if it's not because actually the quality of connections not there, you're in
the wrong game.
Great point.
So how about we move to number three which I love this is I think one of the most important
pieces and how about you want to kick this one off?
So, point three is all about trust and it's all about you're trusting him.
And you're letting him know that you trust him.
You know trust is a huge area of issue for a lot of women in relationship right and found
this.
Now this isn't about you artificially generating a sense of trust that you don't have but it's
about you not bringing in your previous relationships and your history and maybe your difficult
history into this relationship right.
We call this completing your past and that means you're actually able to see clearly
the man that's in front of you, not all the other men that you feel have hurt you or abandoned
you or whatever has happened, or your story is about what has happened.
What I'm picking up is when you are able to trust him, you're actually giving him the
opportunity to be seen clearly by you.
Rather, than be seen through this colored lens of perhaps your own wounding from the
past.
Because when you're taking in looking at him through the lens of your own wounding, the
experience that he has is one of being constricted when he's with you because he's being seen
as a certain way in which he suddenly has to be defensive or to try to defend himself
against, so you don't see him that way and that's exhausting for a guy.
I think one of the most exhausting aspects of being a relationship with a woman for a
man is if the woman doesn't trust him.
If he does not have the opportunity to actually be in integrity right.
If he can't be seen that way.
If his woman is not willing to open and trust.
It becomes very hard for him to want to lead without actually feeling rejected.
He’s never gonna say, “I'm feeling rejected,” unless he's a very conscious guy and aware
of the subtle dynamic of what's happening.
He's probably just not going to lead in the ways that you want him to and it's because
he feels like it's too much of a struggle to get you to trust him, so he can lead.
By the way, we're not saying trust an untrustworthy guy, if you're really with an untrustworthy
guy.
We'd want to be saying why are you continuing to pursue that relationship?
But what we are saying is do everything that's on your side of your fence to relax into trusting
a man.
And that you're doing that will result in his feeling more connected, his enjoying your
leaning into him, and these are the things that will make him want to deepen the connection.
This is ultimately what will happen he’ll miss you.
It’s that he likes that feeling of, “wow when I'm around you I feel trusted.
I can lead.
I can make plans.
I've got my woman here, we're creating stuff together.
I love that.”
Guys know at a deep gut level that having a woman that trusts them in their life will
ultimately allow them to do more in life and be more and experience more meaning in their
life.
Men want meaning in their life.
And you are an integral piece in that and it's about cleaning up some of these things
on your side of the fence so the two of you can create a clean clear and conscious relationship.
This leads into something that we have for you today which is a webinar that we created.
And it's Jack and I riffing on some really deep and I think important critical points.This
this webinar which is you Know Three Keys To Finding Relationship With A High Quality
Man, it's one of the things I'm most proud of actually in terms of the amount of work
like this guy is a bit of a taskmaster like we worked at this webinar right for a long
time to create really compelling content.
And they're really there these aren't just three quick hacks this is like three unpacking
of these important areas that will allow you to do everything that's on your side of the
fence to invite and magnetize a high-quality man into your life.
I can guarantee that just by going through the webinar the way that you see yourself
and past relationships and show up to the dating and relationship world will change.
It will change afterwards because we offer it's not just more information but rather
it is distinctions – that once you see these distinctions there's no going back.
And so, the link to the webinar is directly underneath this video.
You can register for a time that works for you.
And is there anything else I want to say?
Join us.
You know I think this is 90 minutes of probably the most information-packed relationship curriculum
that you'll come across.
And we really enjoyed putting it together.
We've had amazing feedback from it and would love for you to experience it and it's completely
free.
You know just click the link below and you can be with us.
It's been beautiful connecting with you via YouTube, via video and thank you for watching.
Absolutely.
And we'll see on the webinars.
Thanks for being with us.