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Hey Psych2Goers, are you tired of always arguing
with your parents?
Do they never understand what you're going through?
Parents are people too, and they make mistakes.
But unlike others, their careless mistakes can lead
to a lot of emotional baggage for their children.
And one of the most harmful,
yet often unintentional ways parents hurt their children,
is by gaslighting them, which is defined
as a form of psychological and emotional manipulation
that leads its victims to doubting themselves
and their own perceptions of reality.
Curious to know more?
Here are seven signs that your parents are gaslighting you.
Number one, they don't listen to you.
How do conversations with your parents usually go?
Are they open to listening to your ideas
and hearing what you have to say,
or do they simply expect you to do as you're told,
just because they said so?
Having parents who don't listen to you can be frustrating,
to say the least, and constantly being patronized
and treated like a child can surely do a number
to anyone's self-esteem.
When you don't feel heard,
especially in your own home by your own parents,
it can plant the seeds of insecurity and self-doubt
in your own mind that can become harder and harder
to uproot the older you get.
Number two, they decide things for you.
Do your parents pick your clothes out for you
or tell you who you can and can't be friends with?
Do they forbid you from seeing certain people
or going to certain places just because they don't like it?
Do they make your decisions for you
without even asking you what you want?
While it's not uncommon for parents
to tell you what you should like or how you should act,
especially when you're still young,
it can become toxic and problematic
when they don't allow you the freedom
to decide things for yourself
and to establish your own sense of identity,
free from their influence and control.
Number three, they tend to dismiss your problems.
Whether it's a fight with your best friend,
a broken heart after a breakup,
or the pressure of getting good grades
and doing well in your finals,
your parents may not understand
that the struggles you are facing are heavy
and very real to you.
Instead of empathizing with you,
they may simply tell you to move on and forget all about it
because it won't matter in a few weeks,
and there's no use crying over spilled milk.
But invalidating your feelings,
is a common example of gaslighting.
Number four, they tell you you're overreacting.
Do your parents roll their eyes and say you're overreacting
whenever you try to open up to them?
Telling someone they're just being dramatic
or being too sensitive can be a telltale sign
that they're gaslighting you.
And if your parents do it to you so often
that it starts to make you feel guilty
or ashamed for feeling a certain way,
that is a clear sign as any that something is wrong
in the way your parents treat you.
Number five, they deny their shortcomings.
Another warning sign your parents might be gaslighting you,
is if you feel like,
you can never have an honest immature conversation with them
about the flaws in your relationship.
This may mean feeling like you have to keep certain things,
such as how you wanna be treated
or when you don't like what they said about you to yourself
because you know they're not going to wanna hear it.
Instead, you know they'll deny their shortcomings
and justify their bad behaviors by saying things like,
"well, that's not how I see it,"
or "you should be grateful,
I'm only doing this for your own good."
Number six, they shift the blame towards you.
Similar to the last point,
instead of owning up to their mistakes
and taking responsibility for it,
they simply shift the blame towards you
often by playing the victim.
Nothing is ever their fault
because their fingers are always pointed at somebody else,
ready to shift the blame the moment something goes wrong,
and most of the time, it's you.
Self-righteous and sanctimonious,
your parents may gaslight you by becoming defensive
and turning every valid criticism you have,
no matter how gently you give it,
into a full-on screaming match
and pointing out all of your flaws instead.
And number seven, they never just take your word for it.
Last, but certainly not least,
this is perhaps one of the most common
and most often unintentional ways,
parents gaslight their children.
If you come to them with a problem,
say for example, like you're being bullied at school,
they never just take your word for it.
They have to hear it from someone else
before they believe it, and say things like,
"are you sure, maybe you vote them in some way
and this is all just a misunderstanding."
Ultimately, your word isn't good enough for them,
and it won't be long
before it stops being good enough for you too.
Did you relate to any of the signs we've mentioned?
Let us know in the comments below.
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The references and studies used in this video,
are added in the description below.
Thanks so much for watching, and will see you next time.