If I was gonna pick up a girl I'd be like
Um
Do you want to come in a see the back end of my Youtube channel?
Oh, um
Do you want to see my link? It's in my description
box
Okay I got another one
How about you give me a thumbs up and I give you
Too rude
Give me a thumbs up and I'll give you two fingers in return
That's exactly what I was gonna say
Nice
Shame I claimed it
Claimed
You might be first
but I'll give you seconds, thirds, and fourths
Nice
Yeah
Give me a high five for that
Yeah
So you subcribed
and now I'm- I'm
I appear in your feed
Well why don't we feed
each other
I lost it
Rose keeps doing this really weird thing
Where she keeps like
bullying me
about the hard times, but loves it?
Every single year around Christmas
we get really loved up but also like real nostalgic
I've got some kind of sadistic pleasure in reliving some of the hardest of times
because I find it quite sexy
You're like "Aw I'm so hurt.. I want you"
and I'm like "You're just making me feel really awkward"
No
It's because at the time
I remember feeling
like the most immense
primal urge
to be with you
because I thought
"Oh my god there are so many other people
that... like
you could possibly be interested in"
Still true
Even though they're all losers
Still true
Losers
With like only half the creative ability as me
Um
I just find it really, really, REALLY sexy
at the thought of maybe losing you a little bit
to someone else
I can literally pick up women so easy
I don't know why you have such a hard time with it
Really
I see someone at a bar, say it was you
like in your dreams
and I was like, right I really like want to talk to this girl
I'd just be like
*Cue bar music*
Oh, hey
What? You're beautiful
Nothing on me
but a good close second, let's date
and they'd be like
"Oh, she's confident, cocky, but a little bit intriguing
a little bit arrogant, but I like that.
not too obnoxious, not too bubbly
but hell, look at those brows
let's get in there
I'm gonna subscribe
*Music stops abruptly*
That would never happen to me
When did you read my text messages?
I didn't do-
Hold on
You've given me about five years worth of shit for reading your Facebook messages
When did you read my text messages?
Babe, I'm pretty sure you - Okay maybe it was Facebook
but I remember I read it
Hold on
No, you showed me
Ms. Rose Dix you're so bad for reading peoples diaries
and you know
You are
pretending to be a police officer
and now
YOU
I thought it was a private investigator
and now you're telling me that you read my text messages?
No, whatever it was you showed me them
Facebook, text, otherwise
Oh was I just like
Yeah
Whoops! I dropped my phone
Oh!
Yeah
There's the text thread
Make of it what you will
Pain and sex
Hahaha
really
I find that those two go together extremely well
Yeah, really well
A bit like sugar and...
more sugar
Yeah, that goes so well
Are you thinking of sugar and lemon?
because that's like the pain and the sour
That would make more sense
I know
One thing I remember about coming around to your house
was being
um
was
I- I would always try and make excuses
to why we needed to make a video
because at the time no one was watching
so
We used to get like five comments
Yeah
and they'd always be like "The brunette's hot
Can't understand what the blonde's saying"
and I'd be like
I hate doing this
I'm responsible for all of the comments, I'm really sorry
I really needed to boost my self esteem at the time
Because I was like fresh out of a breakup
but, I'm really glad that we pursued it
because
we make make great content now
Thinking about the fact that we are now married
and all of the people that said to me
no offense at all
Dump her
No, not dump her
Don't even bother going on a first date with her
You know, including really close people to me
and I was like
Oh, what shall I do?
You should've said "Don't hate the player, hate the game"
I can't believe, the other day
I said to you
If I didn't kiss you the first time we went to the cinema
Um would you have kissed me?
You said no!
I was trying to be a gentlman
What does that even mean?
I was trying to be a gentlman
Yeah, what does that even mean?
Gentleman kiss women
Be more manly, god
You told me that you were worried
that, um
We would get on so well
that we-
Would just be friends
Right, and no sexual chemistry at all
Mmm
I never thought that
I was really concerned
Because I wasn't ever concerned-
because obviously when you go on a date
You're like
"Oh, will they like me?"
I knew you'd like me
I wasn't bothered about that
I knew we'd get on really well
because I knew you had the same sense of humor as me
because
I knew the girl you went out with
and I knew your humor
and I'd like spoken to you before
so, I knew we'd get along
what I was worried about is
I can't make you want to lick my
(Beeped out P****)
Like
I can't be like
No, we've got nothing there
but just do it
for the rest of our lives
Why are you so gorgeous?
She's not-
Apart from when you're ugly
I'm going to kiss you
three times
right
and you've got to guess which kiss
I
I 'gave' you
on our first date
because I remember what I did
Okay
Alright, Is it kiss number one?
She's get-
Oh my god
no offense
Why?
*In a Maltese voice* Wilma, if you want to taste
a fine wine
This is what you do
you take a sniff
take a sniff
Great
Now, you take your first taste
like this
Take a taste
great
now, you really really
savor that taste
Can you savor it?
Exactly
I'm sorry, am I boring you?
*Back to regular voice*
Was it kiss number one?
*Cue sexy music*
Alright
Right
Or was it kiss number two?
Okay, I put lipstick all over your lips
but it's fine
Well then
Was it kiss number two?
Kiss number two
How did you know that?
I know exactly-
How did you know it was kiss number two?
How did you know?
Is it all over my mouth?
Yeah
Aw
It's all over yours
It was kiss number two
How did you know?
Because you did a mixture of soft and hard
Because you didn't know what I liked
I would never tongue kiss on a first date
No, you didn't tongue kiss
I think I might have had a hint
Mmm, that's because I have this one trick
that I do
I know what it is
What is it?
It's when you put it in ever so slightly
No way is that what I look like right now
Have I just been talking to the camera
for like ten hours looking like this?
Is that a joke?
Why do parents do that?
Why do they lick things and then wipe your face with it
I think your parents do a lot of things that's gross
like put their tit in your mouths
Ask anybody who's ever betrayed me
what the outcome is
Oh wait you can't, you know why?
Because they're dead
I'm not dead
and I betray you loads
Crisis meeting
Flynn, as you know
you've got no tail left
Wilma, as you know
you've got an ugly haircut
If you were the sixth member of The Spice Girls
What spice would you be?
Cumin
No, it's like Scary Spice, Baby Spice
I'm not asking you what fucking spice you-
I'd be Or-e-gan-o
You'd be Basil
What's wrong, Honey?
She want's your wine
Babe, you can't
Well, you can try some, but it's alcoholic
Don't just lick the rim
Don't be like your mother
That's it
It's on
You and me are gonna go down to Heaven
in London
We've never been there before
We're gonna call it
Married Single Life Video
And we're gonna see how many women
we can get the numbers of
Are you serious?
Yep
You would be happy to let me
run around Heaven and get all those numbers
Yep
Babe, you would end it with me
No, I wouldn't
I'm already fine with it
Just thinking it through
I don't like your idea
this is a stupid suggestion
stupid and it's dangerous
I 've got a serious question to ask you
Yeah
Right
Would you go to a party
at the end of the night you notice that everyone's
car keys are in a bowl
Would you put your car keys in the bowl?
Or maybe your watch?
Or would you not do that?
why would I let someone steal my car?
That solves that then
You and me
That's me, you picked my keys
and they'd be like
"Oh, you drive a BMW?"
and I'd be like "No"
But you're about to drive a
B
M
W
Big masc-
A
Big
Masculine
Woman
It's your lucky day
High five
She's already gone
Alright guys, I hope you enjoyed the video
Don't forget to head on over
to our MakerShop
and check out some of the cool merchandise
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Look! Thumb holes!
In hoodies!
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Which we're really proud of
and we really enjoyed making it
and you can get both as a bundle deal
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All the love in the world
from us
Bye!
Byeee!