- [Voiceover] Not sure what kind of man you are?
Relax, bro, just kick back and watch this list to find out.
Alphas are bold, traditionally masculine figures
endowed with raw sexual confidence.
Unlike Alphas, Betas are kind and docile introverts
that prefer deeper, more intimate relationships.
Gammas are similar to Betas
except every cell in their body has been irradiated
by a near-constant bombardment
of high-energy photons.
Also they like never get laid.
- Oh.
- [Voiceover] Deltas are open-minded individuals
who believe in change.
They're comprised mostly from sediment deposits
carried in from nearby rivers.
There's actually nothing special about Epsilons.
They're just real shitheads.
Zetas are all die hard Catherine Zeta Jones fans.
Etas, or E-T-As are the classic gentlemen.
They're very punctual, but can't pronounce their H's.
- Sweet 'eavens, look at the time.
- [Voiceover] Thetas are identical to Etas,
but have a slight lisp.
- How dare you, sir.
- [Voiceover] Iotas are very small and insignificant,
and can be found arguing in the comments section
of popular websites.
- What?
- [Voiceover] Kappas are mischievous beak-mouthed
river spirits from Japanese folklore.
They like to play tricks on children,
and are very good listeners.
Lambdas are the only males that can
successfully rock a goatee.
Oh, this isn't a type, this is just what I call boy cows.
(moo)
And this is what I call boy babies.
(baby laughs)
Xi males are of course men who exist solely
as a special spherical function on a semisimple Lie group
within the field of mathematical harmonic analysis.
- Hey, 'sup babe.
My name's Chet.
Can I buy you a drink or something?
- [Voiceover] Omicrons are even bigger
shitheads than Epsilons.
They rarely wear sleeves.
Pi males are well rounded,
but completely irrational.
- I'm pretty sure the Purge movies really happened.
- Woah, really?
Is that true?
- [Voiceover] Rho males are so stupid,
they actually serve as a physical representation
of the concept of density.
Sigmas are the summation of all things male and masculine.
And honestly, they're pretty big shitheads too.
Tau males are shittier than Epsilons,
but not quite as shitty as an Omicron.
Upsilons like to scream at TVs
playing sports in public bars.
They are the worst.
Phi male is just the way that Australians
say the word female.
- Oh, that fair dinkum, mate.
- [Voiceover] Chi Psis are men with strong bonds
of fraternal brotherhood.
Also, they're way less racist than the KA's two houses down.
- Whew, less racist!
- [Voiceover] And finally, Omega male
is just a genderless honorific given to anyone
who made it all the way through this stupid video.
- Oh thank God it's over.
- [Voiceover] Congratulations.
(upbeat rock music)
- Hey, I'm Caldwell from College Humor.
Thanks for watching.
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