I WANT TO TALK ABOUT PRETENDING.
THAT IS SOMETHING I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT.
I PRETENDED TO BE CERTAIN PERSON AND TO FEEL A CERTAIN WAY FOR
ALMOST TEN YEARS, AND NOW I AM SUPPOSEDLY NOT PRETENDING EVERY
NIGHT, THOUGH OCCASIONALLY I AM PRETENDING TO KNOW WHAT I AM
DOING OUT HERE.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW?
RIGHT?
YOU EVER GET THAT FEELING.
PRETENDING HOW TO DO THIS SHOW.
DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING SOMETIMES.
>> Jon: YEAH, WE HAVE NO IDEA.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND YOU DO
YOUR BEST, RIGHT?
>> Jon: THERE YOU GO.
WE'RE DISCOVERING THE SHOW AS WE'RE GOING ALONG AND IT'S LIKE
LEARNING TO PLAY A NEW INSTRUMENT IN PUBLIC.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?
( LAUGHTER ) BUT WHETHER OR NOT WE HIT THE
RIGHT NOTES ON ANY GIVEN NIGHT, I THINK THAT THE LEAST I CAN DO
IS NOT TO PRETEND TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO
DO.
AND IN THE FACE OF THE KILLINGS IN OREGON YESTERDAY, I HONESTLY
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY, OTHER THAN OUR HEARTS ARE BROKEN
FOR THE PEOPLE STRUCK BY THIS SENSELESS TRAGEDY.
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO START A SHOW LIKE THIS WHICH IS OFTEN
ABOUT WHATEVER HAPPENED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS.
I CAN'T PRETEND THAT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
I ALSO CAN'T PRETEND TO KNOW WHAT TO DO TO PREVENT WHAT
HAPPENED YESTERDAY ALL THE TIMES IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.
BUT I THINK PRETENDING IS PART OF THE PROBLEM.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND WE ARE NATURALLY
HORRIFIED AND SHOCKED WHEN WE HEAR ABOUT THEM BUT
THEN WE CHANGE NOTHING AND PRETEND THAT IT WON'T HAPPEN
AGAIN.
SOME SAY THE ANSWER IS STRICTER GUN LAWS; OTHERS SAY THAT THE
ANSWER IS MENTAL HEATH CARE, THAT WE NEED BETTER TREATMENT OR
JUST KEEP THE GUNS OUT OF THE HANDS OF THE INSANE.
MAYBE IT'S BOTH.
I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW.
BUT I DO KNOW THAT ONE OF THE DEFINITIONING OF INSANITY IS
CHANGING NOTHING AND PRETENDING SOMETHING WILL CHANGE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SNEAKING-- SPEAKING OF HONEST
INSANITY, DONALD TRUMP.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND I DO-- I WANT TO BE CLEAR
ABOUT THIS-- I DO THINK HE IS HONEST IN HIS OWN WAY.
HE IS HONESTLY AN EGOMANIACAL BILLIONAIRE.
AND THIS WEEK IN NEW HAMPSHIRE, TRUMP DEMONSTRATED HE WILL NOT
TOLERATE DISHONESTY FROM HIS OPPONENTS, LIKE JEB BUSH AND
MARCO RUBIO.
>> AND THEY ASK BUSH, "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF RUBIO?"
RUBIO COMES OUT, AND HE'S TALKING ABOUT BUSH, AND, YOU
KNOW, "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF RUBIO?"
"HE'S MY DEAR FRIEND.
HE'S SO WONDERFUL.
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH."
THEN THEY ASK RUBIO, WHO'S RUNNING AGAINST BUSH OF COURSE
AND HE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE FROM A LOYALTY STANDPOINT.
SO THEY ASK RUBIO, "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BUSH?"
"HE'S MY DEAR FRIEND.
WONDERFUL, JUST WONDERFUL."
THEY HATE EACH OTHER.
THEY HATE.
TRUST ME, I KNOW.
THEY HATE SO MUCH.
THEY HATE MORE THAN ANYBODY IN THIS ROOM HATES THEIR NEIGHBOR.
ANY.
BUT IT'S POLITICAL BULL-( BLEEP ).
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
IT'S TRUE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IT IS TRUE, AND
THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LOVE THIS GUY, BECAUSE, BECAUSE, HE
UNDERSTANDS, HE KNOWS YOU HATE YOUR NEIGHBOR FOR BUILDING THAT
GIANT TOWER THAT BLOCKS YOUR VIEW.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHERE?
WHERE-- OH, OH, OH, WHERE DID THE SUN GO?
OH, MR. TRUMP, BRING THE SUN BACK.
DONALD IS HONEST ENOUGH TO ADMIT WHAT WE ALL KNOW-- THE
CANDIDATES CANNOT STAND EACH OTHER.
JUST LOOK AT THE LAST REPUBLICAN DEBATE.
>> DO NOT GET IN MY FACE!
( BLEEP )!
>> Stephen: WOW WOW, JAKE TAPPER REALLY LOST CONTROL OF
THAT ONE.
NOW, MR. TRUMP, TO ANSWER YOUR CALL FOR POLITICAL HONESTY,
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE PRESIDENT.
IT'S BEEN FUN.
IT'S BEEN GREAT.
I LOVE YOU!
BUT COME ON, COME ON, BUDDY.
ALL, LET'S SAY, COW POO POO ASIDE, THERE IS ZERO CHANCE WE
WILL SEE YOU BEING SWORN IN ON THE CAPITOL STWEPS YOUR HAND ON
A GIANT GOLDEN BIBLE.
AND AND SPEAKING OF POLITICAL
BULL ( BLEEP ).
RIGHT NOW, THE BIG STORY FROM CAPITOL HILL
IS NUMBER ONE ABOVE-GROUND POOL SALESMAN, KEVIN McCARTHY.
HE'S A RISING STAR WHO IS SUCH A PLAYER THAT WHEN KEVIN SPACEY
WAS PREPARING TO PLAY FRANK UNDERWOOD ON "HOUSE OF CARDS,"
HE SHADOWED McCARTHY ON THE HILL.
SPACY WAS SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW HIM FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK BUT HE ENDED
UP BINGE WATCHING McCARTHY ON A SUNDAY.
WHEN SOMEBODY STARTED ASKING LAST WEEK WHO IS GOING TO
REPLACE JOHN BOEHNER AS SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE, McCARTHY SAID,
"WHY NOT ME?" THEN IMMEDIATELY TOLD US WHY
NOT.
>> WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SEE IS A CONSERVATIVE SPEAKER THAT TAKES
A CONSERVATIVE CONGRESS THAT PUTS A STRATEGY TO FIGHT AND
WIN.
AND LET ME GIVE YOU ONE EXAMPLE.
EVERYBODY THOUGHT HILLARY CLINTON WAS UNBEATABLE, RIGHT?
BUT WE PUT TOGETHER A BENGHAZI SPECIAL COMMITTEE, A SELECT
COMMIT.
WHAT ARE HER NUMBERS TODAY?
HER NUMBERS ARE DROPPING.
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S REFRESHING.
AT LEAST HE'S NOT PRETENDING THAT HURTING HILLARY'S POLL
NUMBERS WASN'T AT LEAST PART OF THE BENGHAZI'S COMMISSION.
AND IT'S NICE TO SEE PART OF THAT COLD POLITICAL CALCULATION
FROM SOMEWHERE RCH THE CLINTON CAMPAIGN.
BUT IN THE GAFFE-TERMATH OF THIS STATEMENT, REPUBLICANS ARE
RIPPING INTO McCARTHY.
CHAIRMAN OF THE OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE AND SEDUCTIVE BEAVER
MASCOT JASON CHAFFETZ-- ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CALLED McCARTHY'S ADMISSION
ABSOLUTELY INAPPROPRIATE AND SAID HE SHOULD APOLOGIZE.
OR AT THE VERY LEAST, McCARTHY SHOULD TAKE A TIP FROM FRANK
UNDERWOOD: THE NEXT TIME HE WANTS TO DIVULGE A DEVIOUS PLOT,
DO IT IN A MONOLOGUE WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND.
( LAUGHTER ) AND I GOTTA SAY, I AGREE
WITH McCARTHY'S CRITICS.
IT WAS A MISTAKE TO SUGGEST THAT THE BENGHAZI INVESTIGATIONS WERE
ALL ABOUT TAKING DOWN HILLARY CLINTON.
UNFORTUNATELY, McCARTHY COMMITTED THE BIGGEST SIN IN
POLITICS-- HONESTLY ADMITTING SOMETHING EVERYBODY WAS ALREADY
SAYING.
AND NOW THAT McCARTHY'S LITTLE WHITE TRUTH IS OUT THERE, IT
CAN'T BE TAKEN BACK.
SUDDENLY PEOPLE ARE ASKING WERE THE 10 CONGRESSIONAL
COMMISSIONIES, THE 40,000 PAGES OF DOCUMENTS, THE MILLIONS OF
DOLLARS SPENT INVESTIGATING THESE TRAGIC DEATHS IN BENGHAZI
PURELY POLITICALLY MOTIVATED?
I'M NOT SURE.
SO THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT IS WITH THE BENGHAZI HEARING
HEARINGS.
( LAUGHTER ) OR-- NO, WAIT, MAYBE THESE
INVESTIGATIONS OF WHAT THE CONGRESSMAN SAID NEED A NAME
THAT DOESN'T FEEL SO POLITICAL.
HOW ABOUT THE McCARTHY HEARINGS?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT HAS A RING OF HONESTY TO IT.