Evan: Hello everyone! This is my friend Connie and this is my friend Will
Will: Hello~
Evan: How are you guys today?
Connie: So great!
Will: I'm pretty good, thank you
Evan: Do you know what we're talking about?
Connie: Actually I don't, you just called me over here for your new video *all laugh*
Evan: I just recently uploaded my video on my demisexual experience. I was very well received. Thank you very much
for the lovely comments, but there's some interesting comments I felt like it would be
good a touch upon with people with different voices
Will, what's your sexuality?
Will: So I am a homosexual male identifying person and then that's pretty much it. Pretty boring as far as that goes.
Evan: And Connie:
Connie: Yeahh, I'm bisexual, but I always call myself pansexual.
I just feel comfortable with the word "bisexual" because it's so ingrained in society. I just-
Gender is not a concept to me and I like everything.
Evan: So one of the main points in my video that I started off with
was that I'm not proud of my sexuality because I can't
control it such as like I'm not proud of my height. Um, there was a lot of interesting
comments saying things like "You should compare it to something else like humor."
Like if you're funny you kind of work at it and you're proud that you have that ability?
Do you find yourself proud of your sexuality?
...Or are you more proud of the fact that it's different than everyone else's?
Because I feel like that's what most people say.
Connie: Yeah, like, I'm already bisexual for attention, obviously.
Like, we all know that.
Evan: Of course, that's the reason to be anything.
Connie: Yeah, that's the only reason to be bisexual. You are doing it for the men.
Evan: Do it for the views.
Connie: I'm proud of the world for being so accepting of it.
Evan: Okay.
Connie: Um, I can see how with something like demisexuality, which is like so new
to people; the concept that people might not just be interested in sex all the time?
Connie: Whaaat?! Evan: Whaat?
Connie: Um... It could make you feel like you didn't need- you couldn't be proud of it.
Evan: Yeah
Connie: So it's very much about how the community reacts to you.
Evan: There was a really good comment I saw as well that
said that, because me saying I wasn't proud of it, is internalized as asexual phobia.
Like phobia of man sexuality- Connie: Yeah Evan: and stuff that a lot of gay men go through
is that when they first realized they're gay is wishing they weren't gay.
Wishing they were "normal". Connie & Will: Yeah.
Evan: I got a couple of comments from gay people saying like:
"That is how I felt as a kid." Will: Yeah.
Evan: It took a while to embrace myself. Connie: Yeah.
Will: I think, when I first figured out I was gay, first of all I was like I'm not proud of it but I'm Evan: Yeah...
Will: not ashamed of it. It was- Evan: Yeah, there's a difference. Yeah. Will: like your height. It's a part of me. It's not
something I can change and - Evan: But it is that way.
Will: Yeah! Exactly. So I definitely used to feel the way that I didn't need to be proud of it but I didn't need to be
ashamed of it... BUT, actually, that's changed now!
Evan: Oh! Connie: Yeah Will: So, in the past couple of
years or so. I sort of discovered how my sexuality is actually a really
politicized thing. so I didn't need to be proud or ashamed of it; because to me it
didn't matter it was like "That's who I am. Who actually cares?"
But as if you look at society, being of a different sexuality and minority sexuality - Evan: Yeah
Will: is massively politicized and I think that's something to be proud of; that you can
actually use an aspect of yourself in a political way- Connie: Yeah! Will: in a community.
So I'd definitely say I am proud of it. That has changed recently, yeah. Connie: I was like: It just - just you existing in the public eye - is -
Will: Yeah, exactly. Connie: demisexual is like an act, it's like a political statement.
Will: Yeah, it's a massively political act.
Evan: "It's really nice that I'm- I'm there to give ace (short for "asexual") people representation
Uh, 'cause it's so hard that there's literally like no representation at all -" Will: Yeah.
Evan: "Which makes people believe less in it as a thing, ah, and that even though I don't want to be a leader,
I'd be a amazing one" which was really nice to say... Will & Connie: Yeah
Connie: That's very sweet. Evan: Yeah. Will: That's adorable.
And simply contributing to the conversation and being like "Hey, there
are other ace people is really important, because I know a lot of ace
friends do feel really excluded from the LGBT+ or LGBTQ...
Connie: Plus Evan: Yeah Will: That stuff
Connie: Or what's the other one? Will: You feel really excluded from it.
Connie: There's another one now? Will: Okay, I know- Evan: Gender and S- Connie: Gender and Sexual Diversity Will: Yeah, okay. GSD.
Evan: GSA? Will: No, GSD. Evan: GSD
Will: GSD Connie: GSD Will & Connie: Gender and Sexual Diversity
Evan: That's way easier to say!
Will: That's one I like to use because it doesn't exclude anyone, so it's not
saying: "Lesbian Gay Transgender Bisexual" but "Gender and Sexual Diversity"
"GSD" does encompass so much more and I tend to use that if people know what it is anyway.
Will: I mean like - Conni: Yeah! I think it's difficult as well when you're like demisexual and asexual...
Things like pride are so - they become so monopolized by like sexualized content -
Connie: I imagine - Will: Also men. Evan: Also men,yeah.
The gay community or the LGBT+ community,
it's so male-dominated and especially media and companies trying to
appeal to the community will concentrate to the male audience - the gay male
audience and I know that's probably ready alienating for someone who doesn't
identify as male or who is an homosexual man, yeah. Evan: Yeah... What were you saying? Will: Thinking!
Connie: Yeah, I was just saying - Evan: He - like - dominated the conversation.
Connie: Yes, he did! *everyone laughs* Evan: Was just really funny *laughs*
Connie: Collabs with gay male. Shocking. Evan: *laughs* Will: Gay males
Connie: Things like pride had become ...have become like whether we liked or not very dominated by like
sexual content and I - like people often - like you think queer and you think
sexual. Um. So they - Evan: Yeah, like people are like giant dildos and penises and thats like - Connie: think of - Yeah! Exactly!
Evan: Yay, not necessarily me. Connie: You can feel quite isolated if you are... you - you're queer but you're not into sex.
Evan: Yeah, there's a lot of... there's a very loud section
Connie: *accidentally kicks the tripod* Sorry
Evan: Uhh, the LGBT - like...
community that are not at all supportive of asexuals belonging at all.
Which is upsetting, because they don't belong to that straight area and they don't also belong to the LGBT so they're kind of -
Connie:I think I understand - Evan: - in another realm -
Connie: I can understand where like the confusion comes from, because you can be - you can be a gay a asexual.
Evan: Yeah, gay asexual
Connie: You can be a bisexual demisexual. Will & Evan: -asexual
Evan: Or a gray asexual. Yeah.
Connie: And I think when you can start putting a sexuality in front of another sexuality that's when
people like "Well, how does that work?" Evan: Yeah... I don't- I feel like- it's even people that
understand what the words mean that just don't want inclusion; which is
upsetting to me because it's like: I feel like, for many many many years people've
been fighting for approval and it's now finally happening - Connie: Yeah! Evan: - and now they're like
"No! No one else!" Connie: Yeah. Will: But that may be akin to it. So it's a matter of having a space that
they fall for and it could be historically on street and they might be
sort of afraid or - Connie: Yeah! Will: well perhaps scared to - nervous too
Connie: And I mean there's the issue of like the difference between... say like a gay
boy and you come out to your Christian family and you say I'm gay or you are a
demisexual girl who comes out to her family - Evan: And dad's like *applauds* Will: I'm a demisexual girl
Connie: I'm a straight demisexual! It's like - I guess it's a different experience in terms of conclusion,
but then you see how you feel, when you're trying to be in the
community. How isolated you feel, so... Evan: Yeaaah... I don't know many people at all that are
on the asexual scale and it makes me feel more alone. Where there's so many
openly gay people - Connie: You gonna hang out with our friends! Will: Yeah!
Evan: Yeah, - Connie: We have loads of asexual friends! *laughs*
Evan: Yeah, that's great.
I mean it is. I do get -
I know I saw a comment of someone saying like: "Just because you don't want to have
sex, doesn't mean you get your own label." and I was like: "That's not... That's not..
It's not... It's not" Will: That's not what it is. Yeah.
Evan: That's like saying "Just 'couse you like having sex with men as a man doesn't mean you're gay!"
Connie: *laughs*
Evan: "You are just curious!"
Evan: No! Will: Shh!
Evan: But one of the most annoying things - Will: I'm straight.
Evan: - that I saw in the comments of my video was this guy speaking about how - you know -
asexuality doesn't exist; bla bla bla; but then also is saying to a
girl that because she's only been dating a guy even though she claims she's bisexual
she's not actually gay. Connie: Oh my god!
Evan: She doesn't belong to the community. Connie: Pick your argument!
Which one is it, my friend?
Evan: I don't - *Connie laughs* I don't get it, 'cause I thought most people that would - uh
exhibit by "erasure" were straight. Connie: You literally just apply to him with his own reasoning and be like: "So which one is it lately?
Are you gonna pick?" *laughs* *Evan sighs*
Evan: Y-Yeah. It just annoys me.
I didn't really know that was a thing.
I knew I heard "bi-erasure" before but
I didn't know if it'd come from within the community.
Will: It can come from within the community, yeah.
Evan: I thought it'd just been-
Will: It's problematic. Connie: Yeah.
Evan: So if you are a guy that is dating a girl, but
you have feelings for both, you're still bi! That doesn't mean that you're gay at the
moment or straight. I feel like that's the same thing for asexuals. Connie: That's super annoying!
I feel like there's - there's a huge thing for me... which is: I definitely have had anonymous persons
just being like: "You are a bisexual to impress men." Like:
"You're just trying- Evan: What? Why would that be a thing?
Connie: Wha-? Evan: Why?
Connie: Yeah, I'm attracted to girls to impress man?
Evan: It's like- Yeah, I'm attrachted to girls to impress man. That's -
Only you know how you really are so someone saying:
"I don't think you are like that!" It's like: Well, doesn't matter what you think 'cause I know how I am.
Evan: It's- It's- ughh.
Will: It comes from inside and outside the community. So I really can
empathize with how troublesome that is.
Connie: I think it really scares people when it's suddenly not all about penis. *Evan laughs*
Will: Yeah. I think, like I was saying earlier, sort of lgbtq+
culture has tended to focus on the gay male identity -
Connie: And even for you - Will: It has been very sexually driven. Connie: That's were the fear of-
The fear of asexuality can come from. "Whaaat? Like a guy who isn't
just all about his penis? Huh."
Will: It does tend to be all about penis.
And... that- that annoys me.
That's something that I hope will change as well so you do have a very
political gender and sexual diversity movement but then you've got the
dichotomy of that and like the sexdriven movement as well and -
Connie: We need more GSD - Will: we need some uniting and...
Connie: spaces that are non-sexual, like
pret shops and cafes. Evan: Guys Sucking Evans Dick *Connie laughs* *Will giggles* Will: Libraries...
GSED Connie: Yeah
Evan: I don't know what GSD means.
Will & Connie: GSD
Connie: How do you feel about the word "queer"?
Evan: I've heard like that it's not accepted in a lot of circles because it was used to demean people and even
though the words have been taken back some people still are triggered by the word.
Connie: Yeah. Evan: Personally, I wouldn't use the word ever.
Connie: Would you use it to define yourself ever?
Evan: I mean I definitely - my sexuality is a bit queer, yes, but -
Connie: I love the word queer. Will: I find it useful to identify myself. Connie: Yes!
I identify as queer but I know - I know other people in the GSD community
who do not like that word so you have to be careful about it.
Evan: For me -
*phone pings* Ohh, Tinder match. Will: Uhh
Connie: Uh, popular. Evan: For me - I feel like
the word queer has negative connotations. Like, growing up as a kid and playing you know,
halo a lot and they be like: "You queer!"
Will: Yeah, I think it really is such a fluid issue and there's not like a rule that is like-
Connie: Yeah. Will: You can use it if you're queer; you can use it if you're not queer; but with queer people...
Yeah, I don't know.
Evan: So, how can you tell if asexuality is real?
Connie: It's all about what you feel! It's about you, what do you feel? Will: Don't care! Yeah.
I mean, I do so.
Evan: It's internal. Connie: I do think at the same time like: when you're young you don't need to
worry too much about defining yourself. Evan: Doesn't matter. Will: 100%, yeah
Connie: Just get on with your life and - Evan: I didn't know that I was demisexual when I was 22, so.. Conni: Yeah!
You'll figure it out, when you- when the time is right. You'll figure it out.
Will: Yeah. I kind of regret sort of trying to so define my sexuality in an early age.
Connie: You're like 14 years old and you're like: What am I? I am gay and I'm gay for life.
Will: Yeah, so I was 14 and I had feelings for guys so I told everyone I was gay and I
essentially became gay; but now coming into my adult life I kind of regret
trying to solidify myself in that box. And that's why I like to use queer,
because I don't have to say "I'm homosexual" or "I'm gay", I can just say:
"I'm queer!" and I'm dedicated to it.
Connie: I also - like - there is a lot of fear in the community of like your sexuality changing?!
Will: Queer fear *Will & Evan laugh*
Connie: Yeah, queer fear.
Your sexuality is changing.
I know there are - there are people who have been animate lesbians their whole lives who then get married
to men and have kids and suddenly there's this huge stigma about it and we need
to start looking at it as something that is fluid.
People change! And if sometimes I'll be more into girls
Evan: And that's okay. Connie: and sometimes more into guys-
Will: Why did you point to me? Connie: It changes.
*laughs* More into GIRLS more into guys! Evan: More into guys
Connie: So, for you for example
like - one day you could suddenly like
Evan: That's my huge fear! It's that, one day, I'll be like oh maybe
I'm not demi and maybe I'm not on the asexual scale.
Connie: You don't have to be scared of that! Will: That's fine.
Connie: Because you are demisexual now. This is who you are. Evan: Yeah, okay. Good point.
Connie: And this is how you feel comfortable asscociating.
Evan: Thank you.
You don't have to have any fear of like suddenly becoming this like:
"SEXPERT"
Evan: Yeah. *everyone laughs*
SEXPERT *claps*
That's the hands over us. Connie: That's just who you became.
People grow! In the words of Mary J. Blige: What can we do but grow?"
i think we need to end this by saying:
"If you're struggling with any of these identification issues, I promise you-
Evan: Throw them out of the way. Connie: Everyone is too. And I call myself bisexual,
he calls himself gay and we still struggle with these things. Will: Yeah, exactly.
That's happening, so... But we're all pretty good exploring ourselves - Will: Yeah, exactly.
Evan: - figure (out) what we're happy with and just - basically:
As long as you're happy with who you are, that's all that matters. Don't let anyone tell you what you are.
Connie: Yess! Evan: Yeah Will: Absolutely
Evan: Thank you for watching. Please continue the conversation below
Tyou very much. You can check out Connie's channel below.
Will: Don't say mine.
Connie: Will is a youtuber now, what about that? *laughs*
Will: Yeah. Crazy. Evan: Smallest Youtuber I have ever collabed with.
Will: I know. Evan: Thank you guys very much for watching. I'll see you guys next week ah yeah you
Everyone: Bye!
Connie: Wheeu
Evan: Yeah, we did it.
Thank you very much doing a video with me.
Connie: That was a great video.