you know how when people get into a new relationship they go through a honeymoon
phase well me and my girlfriend went through uh is the person i'm dating a deranged murderer phase
when she first came over to my house she thought my nintendo figure collection was something only a
psychopath would have and she's right when you've been living alone for so long
sometimes you just need to buy friends and put them on display and sometimes you do this by
turning people into lampshades or chairs luckily i just collect hunky reptile figures gif doesn't
actually think i'm a psychopath anymore which is good you know because i don't want anyone to know
the truth however early on in our relationship there were some things i did that she didn't like
like one time i was unloading the dishwasher and i was putting away the knives and gift looked at me
all concerned and i asked what's the matter huh i don't know what made her run to the other side of
the room like that when i could clearly just throw the knife at her yeah she's kind of stupid but she
definitely got her point across that she didn't like me holding multiple knives and told me to cut
it out but i didn't know if she was a psychopath either though because there are definitely some
things about her that made me question her sanity like how she owns a two thousand dollar
animal mascot costume but she hates sports that's weird one time when i was over at her apartment i
was looking through her freezer assuming she had bagel bites and i asked hey babe uh where's all
the bagel bites and there was this plastic grocery bag in there and she tells me no no don't look in
there we don't have any bagel bites you ate them all remember but in my mind all i'm thinking is
hold on what the frick does this chick have in her freezer that she doesn't want me to see a freezer
is not a place where you tell someone don't look in there you say that about underwear drawers and
toilets that's it i don't know what we did for the next 10 minutes cause all i was thinking about was
how many severed hands were in gif's freezer but then i thought okay maybe i'm overreacting
i optimistically asked hey um babe are you um perhaps keeping a surprise for me in the freezer
like a birthday cake my birthday's not for another five months but that's the only thing i
could think a person would hide in a freezer that wouldn't make them a psychopath and she said nope
so what's in there don't worry about it do you not see how this looks if the doors were
unlocked i would have been out of there i wasn't about to lose sleep over this so i
held up the knife i had from the previous joke and said what's in the freezer and she went
it's a dead snake you had a dead snake next to the bagel bites so fun fact about my gif she owns
eight snakes apparently she used to own nine i've learned that snakes are a very low maintenance pet
you only have to feed them once every three years and if you cut them in half they turn
into two snakes yeah so i have no clue how one of her snakes could have died and another fun fact
snakes lack the part of the brain that feels love they're physically incapable of showing affection
so your pet hognose would sell your soul to snake satan for one dead mouse so she already has eight
pets that don't love her and potentially her boyfriend too if she doesn't get rid of that
freezer snake at least my reptiles aren't dead in a freezer i immediately start asking questions
why do you have a dead snake in your freezer how many other dead animals are in your freezer what
the heck's wrong with you and she said i wanted to get him taxidermied but the person i wanted
to have do it was busy also there's dead rats in there for my snakes well that explains why the
bagel bites tasted so funny what's extremely gross is that the snake is still in there to this day i
don't know how long the snake was in there before but it's been well over a year since that incident
it's honestly great though because now she can never complain about the state of my refrigerator
i'll have potatoes that are sprouting more potatoes grapes that are getting me tipsy
and if she points any of it out i just respond with oh you think my refrigerator is disgusting
yeah medusa uh-huh one time she said ah my fridge smells terrible and i don't know why really you
can't think of a single reason she said no i said the fridge smells bad not the freezer
i said i will flush your snake down the toilet and give you a swirly now that's the sign of true
love kids but for all i know she could totally still have severed hands in there after dealing
with the snakesicle situation there's some other things i've learned from being in a relationship
apparently there are rules and etiquettes when eating food and my girlfriend sure does love
and enforce those rules i was taught don't put your elbows on the table close your mouth when
you're chewing unless you want to talk to someone and make sure you eat something green every once
in a while but according to her there's more than that like did you know that bagel bites aren't a
part of a balanced diet we were at a restaurant one time pre-covered and when we got our food
gift took a napkin and put it on our lap and told me to do that as well because you're
supposed to do that in a society i looked around the restaurant and said but no one else has a
napkin on their laps and she said that's because she wanted to eat at a denny's i didn't know why
she was such a stickler for table manners until i went to her family's place for thanksgiving and i
stepped inside and saw two sets of staircases in their house and it all made sense oh they're fancy
and collect staircases going to my girlfriend's home for thanksgiving was the first time i met
a partner's parents and i tried really really hard to get them to like me because i'm kissing
their firstborn child i'm in the house dad's watching sports i love sports i lied
mom's working on a puzzle i love puzzles they used to call me the puzzle king in high school
her brother's playing mario odyssey i love mario oh wait i don't have to impress you
stuck at this game in an effort to get them to like me more i brought a gift for gif's family
i got them a little baby cactus because it's small and prickly and doesn't like to be touched
just like her ow babe no no babe it was a joke it was a joke babe gif's thanksgiving meal was
the polar opposite of my family's thanksgiving my family does thanksgiving with two other families
and they all come together with mashed potatoes and everyone gets in a line with paper plates and
we all have one big mashed potato potluck then i sit at the kids table to avoid talking about
politics gif's family used real plates and had candles and everyone puts a napkin on their lap
i felt like shrek at fiona's castle they had three forks of various sizes but i still wanted them to
like me so i wasn't about to point out that it made no sense to use three different forks to
eat a meal this must be why gif is so afraid of knives all these cutlery options are bringing up
childhood traumas of going up all the stairs but gif's family was so fancy that i actually didn't
even meet them on thanksgiving my memory just filled in that we were having a thanksgiving meal
gift read this script and was like you know you didn't meet them on thanksgiving right that was
just a regular tuesday brunch that wasn't even a meal to be thankful for why we talk about politics
so much one of the big political debates we have is that gift tells me i wear dad socks but i don't
think she understands my genius you see if i buy and wear the same pair of socks for the rest of my
life i'll never have to worry about matching socks ever again so i've already picked out the socks
that i'm going to be wearing at my funeral and as we were wrapping up our non-thankful meal i got up
from the table and gif's dad said hey i have those socks so i guess she's right about some things and
her dad totally likes me now in the end as long as i make gif happy then i know her parents will
like me no matter what socks i wear and as long as you're with someone who makes you a happier person
then they're a good partner too even if they refuse to throw away the dead snake they've had
in their freezer for almost three years well hello everyone i know it's been a while but i
hope you all enjoyed this video there were lots of things to learn in my first serious relationship
and if you have any advice for being in your first serious relationship then let me know
in the comments i'm sure me and a bunch of other commenters will find that helpful fun fact gif and
i wrote this video together so if you didn't like it um that's unheard oh i'm just kidding i'm just
kidding i don't want to end up in the freezer huge thanks to my amazing team for once again bringing
these animated anecdotes to life i couldn't have made this video without them and on top of
this thank you all for supporting cafe chaos on kickstarter we sincerely appreciate all of your
excitement we have finally sent out pre-orders and if you didn't get the chance to support the
kickstarter you can now find all the items on my online store link in the description we do have
some extra kickstarter exclusives available such as the bento box or the animated expansion pack
be sure to grab them soon because once they're gone they're gone forever thank you again for
watching this video and make sure that you and your partner wear your masks and your seatbelt