- As the kid of immigrants, it can be scary
thinking this part of me is different,
and what if it changes the way that they see me?
- My God, I was so scared.
- All throughout elementary school, middle school,
and high school I thought something was wrong with me.
- We all have this idea of what gay looks like,
and some people, when I walk on the streets,
people don't look at me and think gay.
I think that's been the hardest part,
to kind of feel valid in my own gayness.
- I had feelings for guys.
I repressed them, but it comes out eventually.
- My parents struggled with a lot in Vietnam.
Even just trying to come to America.
It does have a factor in how difficult it was
for me to come out.
- My parents both grew up in Mexico.
My mom, she's very religious.
I'm from a very conservative family.
- I want to have a life that makes them happy.
I didn't want to impose that on my parents at all.
I didn't want to stress them out.
- My parents were both from Karnataka, India.
One of the biggest things that you think about
and talk about and base your decisions on
is reputation.
So when I came out to my mom,
her immediate concerns were
what will the family think?
- As an immigrant, she came here to the United States
with, you had two suitcases
- and $200 in my pocket.
She would be a natural fit to understand
what it means to make happiness on my own terms
or challenging my parents' idea
of what happiness means in my life.
- The way I kind of approached it was like,
this is my girlfriend, you know.
- I kind of knew it.
I felt something, I knew it.
So I was not surprised.
- My dad immediately was like, "Really?"
He's like, "I had no idea."
- The sentiment she expressed was,
"I'm sorry that this is going to make
"your life harder for you because of other people."
It was never "I'm disappointed in you."
It was always "I want you to have everything
"you deserve and this might be a block."
- They were furious.
They felt like they couldn't trust me anymore.
And because of that, I felt like
I couldn't trust them anymore 'cause I had
just dropped my deepest, darkest secret
to them and they did not take it well at all.
- My mom started to cry, and she said,
"Well, I know a lot of depressed people
"that became gay, and I think you're gay
"because you haven't been going to church
"the last four years."
- My mom hired a family therapist
in hopes of getting me to reconsider being gay.
- I was like," I'm not gonna change who I am."
She's like, "You're a bad person."
The person that should be giving you
unconditional love is telling you
that you're a bad person.
My mom said that.
And I,
I broke, and I was just like, "Fine.
"You don't have to have a son who's gay.
"You don't have to have a son at all.
"I'm leaving this house.
"You don't ever have to see me again."
My dad's like, "You will not leave this household"
and he blocked the door.
Then they all came and hugged me
and they were like, "We love you, please stay."
And I just started crying.
- I didn't want to hide this from my mom
until I'm like 40 and go to her saying,
"Meet my fiance."
I'd like to get married some day.
I want my grandparents and cousins
and aunts and uncles to come.
- Since I came out to my mom, I think that
she understands me on a deeper level.
- There was one night where she said,
"Andrew, don't dig jerk guys."
And I'm like, "Okay, Mom."
- Couple pieces of advice that I would give is,
make sure you're ready.
Make sure you are prepared for the worst reactions
because sometimes they do happen.
- Coming out is still in some parts of the country
and in many cultures a very difficult thing to do.
- Just accept it for yourself first,
and then don't worry about everyone else.
- Just accept it.
- If you are struggling to come out to your parents,
reminding yourself that you are worthy of love
and perfect the way you are, I have a lot of faith
in the fact that you're reminder
will actually be from your parents.
- It's a growing and learning process
for both the parents and the person who's coming out.
- For those of you who are still in the closet,
just have hope.
- Just know that you're worth it.
- That's what kept me going.
- Love you, Mom.
- I love you, Sara.
- I wasn't expecting to get so feeling.
That is so many feelings.