Have you ever had something in your life that you wanted more than anything, but for the
life of you, you've not been able to get yourself to stick with the actions that you know you
need to take to actually make it happen. Now, for some people, this is sticking to the diet,
going to the gym. For others, it's starting a business and sticking with it through all
the inevitable difficult times. No matter what it is for you, everyone in their life
has something that they're working on that they've not been able to achieve, and the
common reason that we give ourselves for these repeatedly failed goals is that we just didn't
have enough willpower. And this is actually a really, really terrible misconception that
keeps us from achieving what we want because we don't understand, oftentimes, how willpower
works, and that's what I want to clarify in this video.
Appropriately, it comes inspired from a book that is called Willpower, and there's a couple
of main takeaways that are really worth knowing. The first is this, your willpower, my willpower,
everybody's willpower is a finite resource, and you can conceive it, kind of like a video
game, where you have a health bar above your head that says how much you have. Now, throughout
your day, it's being drained by all kinds of things. It's not just when you force yourself
to get up in the morning, or force yourself to go to the gym. It's when you exert emotional
control. Say you watch a movie, and you try not to cry, that drains your willpower life
bar. Or say that you're out with a group of friends, and you're trying to be happy, when
you kind of feel glum, that drains it even more. And one of the biggest things that we
do not realize that is draining our willpower in a day-to-day basis is decision-making.
Every single time you deliberate, go back and forth, the more time you spend in that
decision-making process, the more and more that willpower goes down. Now, the good news
is there's ways to replenish it.
Eating and sleeping are chief among them, and you can also strengthen your willpower,
so it's bigger and you have more reserves of it. And this is done, basically, just by
exerting willpower. The more that you get up in the morning, force yourself to go to
the gym when you don't want to, you're strengthening that willpower. This brings me to my second
point, which is, you might be thinking right now, "Okay, if I want to achieve all these
goals that I've been putting off, what I need is more willpower. I have to strengthen my
willpower." And that's actually, exactly wrong. The people that seemingly have mastery over
themselves and their willpower are not the ones with the deepest reserves. They're the
ones that have set up their lives in a way, such that they drain their willpower the least
throughout their day. Now, this is really important. If you want to get the things you
want in your life, it's not about fighting inner struggles, and conquering them day after
day after day. It's about setting up an environment, a system, and a lifestyle that makes it, so
you don't have to fight all these battles. You can conserve your willpower for where
it really matters. And I want to touch on six things that you can do now to stop draining
that willpower, so that you will have more of it for when it counts.
Number one: Make decisions more quickly, because to your brain, it doesn't matter whether or
not you're trying to figure out whether or not to eat Chinese or Italian tonight, or
whether or not you're trying to figure out what to do with some giant business decision.
Just the process of being stuck in the decision is costing you willpower. So, a general rule
of thumb is to stop saying I don't care. And, certainly, do not get involved in those back
and forths "I don't care what you want to do," that go forever and ever. That just drains
your willpower. You want to identify when decisions either don't matter or when you're
not getting enough information to make a good decision, and just pick a path. That is going
to save you in the long run.
Number two: Set up hard and fast rules in your life; rules that cannot be violated,
because from a willpower perspective, it is very draining, again, to go back and forth
in your head. So it's much easier to say, "Okay, I will not drink soda and I'll only
eat foods off of this list," than it is for you to go, "Okay, I ate really good yesterday,
and I worked out extra hard. Now I'm at dinner, and they just gave me a free dessert. Is it
okay for me to have a small portion?" Because that takes a lot of mental energy to process.
When you set up hard and fast rules, as draconian as this might feel and sound at first, it
actually creates a tremendous amount of freedom in your own life to spend your brain power
on the things that matter the most. So, set up rules. You must work between these hours.
You need to go to the gym five days a week. For me, I set up a rule I have to release
one YouTube video every single Monday and that's why I am here, right now. So set up
rules.
Number three: Change your environment so that it supports you. Now, you've probably heard
this before, but if the easiest way to not eat junk food is to not have junk food in
the house. If you're like me, I wanted to stop checking emails so much, I've tried it
for weeks, and I was like "Okay, I'm only going to do it once a day," and I was constantly
on it. I finally just deleted the Gmail app from my phone, and that made it, so I couldn't
go even when I was tempted to. So, think how can you transform your environment so that
it actually supports you in what you're trying to do. And a big thing to think about here
is your friend group, and, particularly, the people that you live with. If your list is
coming up and you have an opportunity, try to pick people who have the same goals as
you, who are not going to have the junk food, who are not going to be smoking or drinking;
people who are going to the gym, starting a business, doing the kinds of things that
you want to do, because that is the kind of environment that is going to be supportive
of your aims, which brings us to number five: Prep for the hard situations beforehand. Again,
this goes back to one of the classic tenets of willpower, which is that the more time
you spend deciding, deliberating, the more you're draining that willpower.
Now, I set up a video several weeks back. That was "What to Do When You Don't Want to
Drink and People are Pressuring You?" That is very helpful because you have a game plan
beforehand, so whatever it is in your life, think through the common things that are likely
to happen. They're going to blow you off course, and what you will do to respond? That can
be as simple as, Okay, I know I'm trying to lose weight. I know that they give free dessert
at this restaurant. When that is offered to me, as soon as the waiter comes, I will say,
"No, thank you, I'm on a diet," or whatever, or, I know that I'm trying to start a business.
I know that my buddies are going to call me up Thursday night so that we can go out to
the bar. I'm going to tell them, "Hey, guys, I cannot come out until 11 o'clock after I've
worked for my business for two hours." Think through the things that have taken you off
course in the past. Set up a plan to follow through in the future, and that is going to
eliminate the amount of time that you spend deliberating and really help to preserve your
willpower, which brings me to number six.
Perhaps, the hardest to implement, but, also, the strongest thing to stop draining your
willpower, which is identity. If your identity says, "I'm the type of person who goes to
the gym. I'm the type of person who works on their business every single day." It will
not take you any willpower to do it because that is who you are. Now, changing your identity
can be difficult. The one tip I would give you here, because it's a much bigger topic,
is to get a really strong "why" that resonates in you today. So, if you feel like you're
the type of person who never settles; maybe, you're the type of person who is dedicated
to growth, connect that to the activity that you want to be doing. So, maybe, you see yourself
as a person who never settles, in business you're getting ahead, but your body is just
not the way it needs to be. If you can connect that pre-existing identity to the action that
you want to take, you'll find, that you oftentimes, one, you're disgusted with your past actions,
but, two, complacency, apathy, not following through doesn't become an option anymore.
I'll do more on this topic because it's a big one, but identity is number six. It's
a really, really strong way to stop draining your own willpower.
So, that's willpower. And if you're interested in reading the book yourself, even though
I've just gone over what I think are the most important points, you can go ahead and click
the link in the descriptions to check it out. If there's other books that you would like
to see me do, and in fact, there's plenty that I already have in mind. So if you like
this just let me know. Go ahead and write them in the comments or just write that you'd
like to see more of this book series. If you've enjoyed this and you're not already subscribed
to the channel, we do lots of different things--Charisma Breakdowns, How To Be More Confident--that's
really what we focus on, but there's, also, this edge that I'm interested in, which is
Personal Development. So I'll be doing a lot more of this.
In any event, I hope that you've enjoyed this. I hope that you've gotten a lot out of it,
and I will see you in the next video.