Does anyone else feel like they've regressed backwards this past year and a bit?
Like your social skills, your self-worth, your confidence, your interests and your career
prospects have basically diminished to a point and now you're a troglodyte.
Like in the past year man's put a robot on mars, Muskie and Baldy battled for number
one top richest exploiter and even my mans wrote TWO kissing the coronavirus novels.
Two!
How is there a sequel?
Turns out there are three kissing the coronavirus novels like what happened in the second one?
You got coronavirus twice?
And the third one is now a sapphic novel.
Give me a thumbs up if you guys want me to read this and um yeah i suffer for your pleasure.
That's that's my only existence.
I feel like in the midst of everyone starting new careers, getting adverts from hustle culture
telling me that they know the secrets steps for me becoming a millionaire- Here in my
garage just bought this uh new lamborghini here it's fun to drive up here in the hollywood
hills but you know what i like a lot more than materialistic things?
A small loan of a million dollars.
- and with people making 10 000 of these plastic resin pyramids for the aliens in the year
300 million to find
Oh my god what is that?
Oh my god... what is that?!
Amidst this constant shoving of the message of productivity down my throat I feel like
the only thing that I've achieved in this past pandemic is the fact that I now have
high blood pressure, I've binged every episode of the office within two weeks and I've become
the literal hunchback of notre dame because what is this posture?
I feel like the pandemic really crawled into my brain and just robbed me of whatever positive
mental health streak I had left.
The literal days before lockdown I was killing it honestly I was going on dates, I was going
to concerts I was killing it at work, I had a job and now I feel like I'm just staring
at the blank page before you open up the dirty window that you haven't cleaned in three months
let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find for that paper that was due
to days ago reaching for something in the distance.
I feel like I'm literally festering away
The thing I've started mourning is the person I could have been at this point in my life
if this whole pandemic didn't happen and I know pandemic is not in my control but the
things that is in my control is probably my immediate environment.
Like it was my last year of uni, it could have been so fun.
Like yes, I probably still would be somewhat depressed and yes I probably would be stressed
but at least I would have friends
no one told you life was gonna be this way.
And I wouldn't have to worry about everyone dying around me and germs.
People are like 'dude it's a pandemic cut yourself some slack'.
And well they're not wrong it could have been worse - I could have been dead.
Some people thrive in this type of situations and it's amazing for all the people who've
managed to realize that hey, that corporate job they were in for the last 10 years?
That's not what they want to do and now they're following their passion projects.
But I feel like the way that this pandemic has affected me and the mental health state
that I was in before is I feel like there is a constant fog in my brain and I am just
numb but simultaneously stressed and i'm i'm drained from you know pandemic related worries
and even like worries I would have without a pandemic and I'm just like looking into
the past, looking into the future, looking in the past again, in the future and it's
like girl damn slow yourself down!
Otherwise your eyes gonna be looking like this.
I start projects and then I quit them . I can't concentrate on a task for longer than
30 seconds and then when people tell me that the solution to this is firstly 'be kind to
yourself' my brain is like you don't deserve kindness your armpits literally stink.
I think if you're prone to being insecure and you already have a really bad inner monologue
this whole cycle is a mess and it's hard to get out of.
Social isolation does have consequences even if you feel like you don't deserve to feel
these ways.
Lives have been lost we've had to completely alter up and switch up the way that we were
living before.
ThIs this is like bEing IN jAiL.
is what it is it's uh mostly because i've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days.
and if you're not one of the people who feels like they've been like thriving it's literally
okay if you're just focused on surviving for now you know but [ __ ] people have lost their
jobs you're worried about when is my next income gonna come?
Worried about the death of yourself and the people around you and it is a lot and you're
all doing this isolated.
I think the reason why everyone was so focused on hyper productivity especially in the beginning
of the pandemic is that people were afraid that we were gonna start to question and re-evaluate
the way that we had been living before and the way that society and work was set up.
There's these new videos saying 'I don't dream of labour' and yes whilst not everyone can
just you know leave everything that they have because they have responsibilities and go
travel and live in a van.
I think it's really important that we are and do remain critical of the way that we
live and even if we can't change 'society as a whole' I think it's really important
for us to be critical of our discussions, re-evaluate our priorities in life and what
do we need to survive and what fulfills us.
I feel like we really underestimate the way that this can have a literal mind f--on us
and it's like, if someone has freshly broken legs it's not like you're gonna tell them
'why can't you run a half marathon shame on you'.
We do not prioritize or take seriously mental health concerns as we do physical.
Let's talk about the fact that frontline workers nhs or otherwise were busting their backs
seeing so much death every single day and you know how boris decided to thank them?
And i think that what we can do now is not try to 'reclaim' whatever past was robbed
from us but it's important that we do realize that there is a future to move forward to
because i know some of you feel like me and just feel super numb and worthless especially
if you're prone to like self-comparison or like ruminating thoughts and it's like girl
that's my own brain doing that!
My worst enemy is me.
I'd be super interested if anyone has felt similar thoughts or they're feeling similar
thoughts and how they kind of get through it what kind of helps you or if you just want
to vent about your struggles is good for me too and yeah subscribe and like really really
helps out my channel a lot and I'm very grateful and you can follow me on twitter or instagram.
Yeah yeah yeah I forgot to do an outro that's the end of the video please like subscribe
or do whatever you want to do that's it.
Because sometimes you might realize that not everything is dark you know not everything
is dark as a butthole.
Even boris johnson who messed up the pandemic response so much has managed to turn the country
even more tory than it already was HOW DO YOU DO THAT HOW DO YOU DO THAT