Google,
the search engine that's constantly
trying to finish your...
No. No.
No, your sentences.
Its dominance has raised concerns
in the Justice Department for years.
And now they're finally doing something about it.
Now to the blockbuster antitrust lawsuit against Google tonight.
The Justice Department accusing the tech giant
of being a monopoly gatekeeper for the Internet.
PIERRE THOMAS: They claim the tech giant has been engaging
in anticompetitive tactics, paying phone manufacturers
and tech companies billions to allow Google
to be their default search engine.
Prosecutors alleging that ties were so deep
a senior Apple official wrote...
Today Google responded saying the lawsuit is deeply flawed
and would do nothing to help consumers.
Google says this would only prop up
lower-quality search engines.
Yo! Google versus the U.S. government?
Oh! This is gonna be huge!
And, honestly, I don't know who's gonna win.
Because the U.S. government has a lot of experience here.
They broke up Standard Oil.
They broke up AT&T.
I mean, they even broke up NSYNC.
Uncle Sam is heartless.
On the other hand, this is Google,
This is Google they're going up against, people.
Are you sure you want the smoke?
I mean, they can probably just tweet their algorithms
a little bit and then kill their entire investigation.
Okay, now to win this case, I just need to Google
this antitrust law.
Wait a second, all my results are child porn?
I don't want this. Undo! Undo! I didn't ask for this!
Oh, no. Now I have to arrest myself. (grumbles)
And, honestly, I get where Google is coming from, man.
Like, I tried using Yahoo! Search the other day
and even Yahoo was like, "Uh, I don't know.
Hold on, let me Google it. That's a tough one."
But, to be fair,
this is what monopolies do.
They get rid of all their other competition
and then say that they're the best,
which is technically true, but it's also partly
because of their actions. You know?
It's like if I guy named Greg set up a dating app
where the only option was Greg.
How about Greg?
No, I want to see someone else. Swipe left.
Okay. Well, can I interest you in Greg?
No.
What about Greg?
Okay, I guess I'll take Greg.
Fine choice, milady.
Staying in the world of tech,
last night Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez,
New York congresswoman and supreme villain
of your uncle's Facebook feed,
decided to pick up her controller to own the noobs
and get out the gamer vote.
NEWSMAN: Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez--
she made her debut on the streaming gaming service Twitch,
urging everyone to vote.
If are you able to vote, we are here:
IWillVote.com
Um, make sure that you make your voting plan.
NEWSMAN 2: Nearly half a million people tuned in
for AOC's first-ever Twitch stream.
That's the third-largest audience ever.
Oh, wait, Toast is the other imposter. Okay.
Oh!
How do I get in there? (gasps)
Now, this is what I'm talking about!
AOC for the win.
Not only because she's helping to get young people to the polls
but because it gives me a great excuse
to spend all day playing video games.
Yeah, Mom, I am playing Call of Duty all day
because our democracy is at stake!
Take that, Jimmy, you camping bitch.
And don't forget to vote.
And it's funny how politicians show you their age
based on how they think they need to campaign.
Because you can tell AOC's young, right?
She connects to voters through online gaming.
And then Kamala does events on Zoom
and then Joe Biden greets shoppers at Walmart.
So kudos again to AOC, 'cause this is a great way
to appeal to young voters.
And it's much better than that time that
Trump live streamed himself playing Wolfenstein
and said that there were fine people on both sides.
Speaking of Trump, a few weeks ago,
The New York Times reported that he hadn't
paid any taxes in years.
But now it turns out he was paying taxes.
Just to a different country.
NEWSWOMAN: The New York Times now reports that Mr. Trump
pursued a range of business projects in China for years
and even maintains
a previously unknown Chinese bank account.
Trump spent a decade chasing business deals in China
without success. A Trump Organization lawyer
told the Times the company opened the Chinese account
to pay local taxes and no deals ever materialized.
NEWSWOMAN 2: According to the Times,
Trump International Hotels Management
is the Trump company with the Chinese bank account,
and which the tax records show
paid more than $188,000
in taxes in China
while pursuing licensing deals there
from 2013 to 2015.
Well, well, well.
Turns out someone had a secret bank account in...
China.
Maybe that's why Trump has had beef
with the Chinese all these years.
I mean, you know how annoying bank fees can be.
One time I tried to withdraw money,
but they said I had no money.
But then they charged me for not having any money,
which makes no sense,
because they know I don't have money.
So that's why we did a trade war.
And, look, remember, it's not necessarily weird
that someone like Donald Trump has a Chinese bank account.
What is weird is that he kept it a secret
from the American people.
Like, if you have a photo of Don Cheadle,
it's kind of weird, but whatever.
But if you have a photo of Don Cheadle
locked inside a giant safe, then it's like,
what are you doing with that picture, man?
Now, on the other hand, maybe you want
an American president who pays taxes to China.
I mean, this way, when he's sitting down with Xi,
he can say things like, "Listen, buddy,
I pay your salary, and this is what I think needs to happen."