As we return to our tale,
to the Gray Women Perseus sped
Led by Hermes himself
to find the nymphs of the north.
(Opening music)
Once he arrived in the Twilight Land
where the grey women lived
Perseus
lay in wait
biding his time as Hermes had told him.
Until one of the grey women
popped the eyeball from her head and went to hand it to her sister.
It was at this moment
he lunged and snatched the eyeball out of their hands.
At first,
they were confused
as each thought the other had it.
But then,
Perseus spoke up
declaring he would not give back their eye until they told him the way to the nymphs of the north.
They shrieked and trembled,
terribly fearful at the loss of their one eye.
Without pause,
they began to speak
to tell him the way so that they might have their eye back.
The nymphs
were in hyperborea
that enchanted land beyond the north wind
where all was feasting and dancing.
They showed him the hidden road that few had ever traveled
and with the aid of Hermes,
he made his way there
in Hyperborea,
they threw him a great welcoming banquet
and gave him the gifts
he requested,
winged sandals to make him fleet afoot,
a bag which was always the exact right size to fit whatever was placed into it
and a cap
to make him invisible so that he might approach the Gorgons unnoticed.
With these gifts in hand
Hermes and Athena came to him
each to present him a gift of their own.
Hermes presented him with a sword
that would never chip or shatter
to cut through Medusa's scaly hide.
Athena offered him a shield of immaculately polished bronze
that he might look into the shield and find his way by the reflection in it
so that he could sneak up on the Gorgons without having to gaze directly on their deadly visages.
Hermes then revealed
that he knew where the Gorgons lived all along
Yup!
He just hadn't told Perseus right away
because he needed him to go to Hyperborea first
rather than racing off straightaway to take on the Gorgons
and now that everything was on the table
together they all went to the island where these terrifying creatures lived.
Silently
Perseus floated above the ground on his winged sandals
and came upon their lair.
He found the three of them sleeping,
Sprawled out with their monstrous wings and Golden's scaled skin.
Athena and Hermes
pointed Medusa out to him,
the only one of them that could be slain.
Looking in his shield the whole time,
he flew silently towards his target.
Then when just above her,
he dove
with one fell swoop
he severed her head
and wonder of wonders
from her blood sprang a winged horse named Pegasus
and a winged man named Chrysaor.
But these wonders did not distract Perseus. Oh no,
still looking only in his shield
He placed the head in the sack
which closed around it.
For a moment he thought himself safe
but at this noise the other two Gorgons woke.
Screaming for vengeance,
they searched their Island,
but couldn't find Perseus because his cap
still kept him invisible.
So he sped away on wind-borne feet,
quest complete,
and clear of danger, the gods departed.
But there was one more adventure awaiting Perseus
for on his way home,
he alighted in the land of Ethiopia,
but when he got there Perseus found the king in great distress
You see
his people were being devoured by a sea monster
Because his wife
boasted that she was prettier than a group of myriads
and the only way to placate the monster was to feed his daughter,
Andromeda, to it.
Stop shaking your head you all know. This is how things worked in those days.
But Perseus is feeling pretty good.
He's on a hot streak.
He's just come off killing a Gorgon.
He still got some magic gear.
He's ready to do his thing
so he tells the king,
"Hold my beer your highness,
I got this."
But when he sees Andromeda,
bound to a rock
to be serpent meat,
he decides
he wants to marry her.
To which the king says,
"Okay."
without anyone really asking her about it.
I digress.
So Perseus takes out his god granted sword and leaps into the air on his winged sandals.
When the beast sees his shadow on the water,
it thinks it's a drowning man
and plunges toward it to consume it.
While it's distracted,
Perseus plummets towards the creature
and with the force of the dive
deals the monster a grievous blow.
With a few more strokes,
it is dead.
Andromeda is delivered
and they can be set
to be married.
Only problem was
Andromeda was already betrothed to someone else at the time
and when the former betrothed
came up to say,
"Hey, wait a minute,
uncool!"
Perseus is all like,
"Hey, check out this rad thing I've got in my bag,"
and then whammo,
dude stone.
Only one betrothed now,
problem solved!
Thus with Andromeda,
he at last returns home
But all is not well in his homeland.
His mother and his foster grandfather are hiding in a temple,
consistently threatened by the wrath of his grand uncle,
the local despot, should they leave
for his mother refused the despot's advances.
So Perseus proceeds to the hall of his granduncle
because Perseus has kind of set a precedent on how to deal with these things by now.
The doors open,
and the despot is gathered with all his friends to meet the vengeful Perseus
but Perseus
has a plan.
He reaches into his sack of holding
and dabs.
Blammo!
Despot and crew
all
STONE.
And with that,
he proclaims his foster grandad king of the island,
gives all the gear back to the gods and
hands Athena the head of the Gorgon
which she carried on her shield from then on.
Then
hearing of the prophecy about him killing his dad
and fearing it might mean his foster grandfather,
Perseus is all like,
"Hold on,
let's get
real
anticlimactic."
And goes with Andromeda to a sports competition on the mainland where he throws a discus and hits his real dad
who happened to be in the stands.
Fatality.
The end.
You thought I was kidding about that whole anti climactic thing, didn't you?
(End credits)