- This is what you do,
if he stopped chasing you, it changes everything.
It makes it so much easier for you to be in your own frame,
not to feel like you need that love from other people,
and it helps them also see the value in you.
When it comes to attracting love,
it can at many times be a cat and mouse game
where someone is running and then someone else is chasing,
and then if that person stops running,
then it's like somebody else, they start looking elsewhere,
and then this person starts chasing again.
So, it tends to go back and forth.
Now, the first reason someone may have stopped
chasing you, is simply this.
You stopped running, and think about it.
If you had a dog and you started chasing the dog,
the dog out of a natural response will normally
begin to run away from you.
Even if like there's no reason for you to chase him
you just start playing with him, try that.
Go, like, oh, I wanna get you,
and then you start chasing them.
They start running from you
because they play according to the game
that you're giving them.
Now, in a similar way when it comes to love, dating,
relationships, it can be very similar
where people are responding based on
the energy we are putting out.
Now, one of the things could be is the energy dynamic
that could have been at play when you started dating,
was that he was pursuing something for you.
So, there was some type of pursuing energy,
some type of desire, maybe some type of seeking validation,
some type of seeking something that this person may want,
and what happens is then, there's a running away from it,
and it's, like, a game where they want to attain
whatever it is.
And what happens is if you stop running,
they may then, either, get what they want,
or they may not be interested
because the game is not being played.
Now, here's the shadow side of this that I wanna share,
and it's that if people feel like they have to play games,
in a way, a lot of times in the love dating niche,
when people are trying to attract love,
what they're really addicted to is dopamine.
They're addicted to the dopamine,
the wanting to seek the validation,
wanting to seek the approval,
and that's why they're playing games.
The challenge is that when people play games
it's kind of childish, kind of creepy.
(laughs)
Think about it.
If you have someone that's a hunter that goes out,
and I know some of you vegans out there are, like,
I don't eat, I don't hunt animals.
I get it.
But imagine someone's going out to hunt
and they want to get food, you know?
Most true, I guess you could say, if this were a masculine,
feminine polarity game, which is not gender specific
in a way where it's like, even if you're
in a homosexual relationship, it still applies.
Masculine, feminine energy is in everything.
It's, like, one of the hermetic principles,
but somebody that's, like, grounded in themselves
that goes out to hunt,
they aren't just trying to play, right?
Like, play, let's play a game, yay!
This is so much fun.
Even though some people might do that for sport,
but if somebody, especially, like, a masculine energy
goes out on a, with intention, there's nothing wrong
really with pursuing someone else.
If someone is pursuing you, that can be healthy,
but someone chasing you, that's different.
That's kind of creepy. (laughs)
But there is a masculine energy that could be there
when it comes to the pursuing that is very purpose driven,
that is very sure of what they want,
that is going after some type of courting,
I guess you could say, but the chasing is, kind of,
like this energy chasing the dopamine,
chasing the validation, chasing the approval.
Now, remember this when it comes to attracting love.
The person that is the least attached has the magnetic pull.
Let me say that again.
The person that is the least attached to outcome,
that is the least attached to what you do,
to the least attached to anything
has more magnetic pull in the dynamic.
So, one of the things you wanna become aware of
is how attached are you?
Are you attached to what someone else is thinking
about you, feeling about you,
responding to you, texting you?
Because if so, that is depolarizing the magnetic pull,
and they answer to this isn't to, okay, I'm going to let go
because then they're gonna be more attracted.
The key is to have awareness,
and the awareness is the transformation.
90% of all transformation is awareness,
and if you become aware of the shadow sides of yourself,
you're then gonna have more power
because a lot of times what people are chasing,
what people are running from,
they're running from themselves,
they're running from the energy that already exists inside.
And look at this belief altogether.
The only thing that makes letting go hard
is the strong attachment we have to the belief
that something's gonna bring us pleasure.
So, we believe that the love that we attract
is going to bring us happiness.
So, let's prolong our happiness until we get it.
Let's put it outside of ourselves.
When in fact, if we were just to become aware
of the attachment, become aware of the belief,
the story, we could then let it go,
and then be happy now, and there'd be no chasing.
There'd just be a recognition of value.
So, awareness is 90% of this transformation
that you may be going through,
and you become aware that maybe in childhood
there was the cat and mouse game.
We are competing for our parents love
and validation and approval,
and if we didn't give it, or get it or give it,
then maybe we're in a relationship now
that's reflecting back that childhood dynamic.
That's a lot of times what happens.
We're chasing the dopamine.
So, instead of chasing the dopamine,
recognize your own sense of value,
recognize your own sense of frame and be in your own energy,
and realize that the happiness you think you want
through somebody else is a fallacy
because by the time you get it, even if you get it
for a certain period of time, you won't be happy
with it long because it's based on the outside.
You must first become happy with yourself
to then attract somebody that can just be
an equal reflection of that happiness.
So, if somebody stopped chasing you, first thing,
you may have stopped running.
Now, secondly, here's another thing,
the reason somebody may have stopped chasing you.
Somebody may have stopped chasing you
because you kept running.
You kept running and because you kept running,
they got tired of chasing.
Did you see the other side of the coin here?
On one hand, you may have stopped chasing.
You may have stopped like turn
around and actually become emotionally available or there,
and then they just got uninterested,
which means they're playing a game
and you may be playing a game, so stop playing the game.
On the other side of it, you may have ran,
and he may have chased and he got tired of chasing you.
So, what is the key here?
The key here is to understand if you're playing a game
or not, because if you're playing the game
then maybe the game just went on a little bit too long
to where then this person got disinterested,
and may have focused on something else, someone else.
But the thing you wanna become aware of here too
is the emotional availability.
Because sometimes when people are playing this cat
and mouse game and this dopamine ridden validation game,
what ends up happening is they're prolonging
their own sense of emotional availability.
One of the things I had to realize in the past
about myself is that if I was blaming things on someone
I was dating it was normally and always an equal reflection
of the energy I was putting out.
So, attracting emotionally unavailable people
means you are emotionally unavailable.
It's a projection.
It's like, you don't, it's almost like,
we're projecting it and blaming it on our parents,
but we're using this person as a permission,
as like a guinea pig in it.
It's like, if you would just get your together,
then this would all work out.
But really it's like the story from childhood
of it's my parents' fault.
They're the ones that are broken.
They're the ones that didn't figure it out.
They're the ones that did this to me.
So, it's like a victim energy,
but remember 90% of all transformation is awareness.
So, as we become aware of the parental dynamics
that maybe we're used to, as we become aware of our own
lack of emotional availability or over emotionability,
emotional availability, in the sense of, like,
anxious attachment style, it changes a lot
because we start to become aware
of the games that we're playing.
We become aware of the validation and what we're avoiding.
We might be avoiding emotional availability.
I've noticed in the past about myself
until I started doing the emotional work,
and I started, like, allowing, I never knew,
I think when I was a kid and growing up,
how to receive love, how to receive
someone's emotional availability.
I remember in like 2015, 2016,
I was dating someone that really liked me
and was so emotionally there,
but I literally just had zero.
I was like, we'll date, but we'll never actually
be officially boyfriend, girlfriend.
I couldn't commit to her because she liked me,
and I wasn't used to someone that actually liked me.
So, I was used to somebody that, like, maybe was unsure
of me, that felt like a mountain I had to conquer.
So, it's interesting because I totally put that
to the side because that interest was too high,
and I wasn't used to receiving that.
And now in my relationship, what I've had to learn is
I've had to learn how to receive the love
from my girlfriend, which has felt, at times like,
it's just something that I wasn't used to receiving,
and the more I've been able to be vulnerable
and open up my own heart and receive it,
the more it changed everything.
And even in order to attract her begin with
I had to be vulnerable,
and I had to start the process of opening my heart.
So, realize that for this, this dynamic
what you wanna become aware of is
your own emotional availability
and commit to not playing the game anymore.
No need to play games, no need to chase validation.
No need to do this so that they respond to you this way,
and to say this in a text message to get them hooked in.
That's all a game that is going away from this third reason
I wanna share with you.
The third reason that they may stop chasing you is
because you stopped being the star of your own movie,
and you started to be the cameo in their movie,
and remember, if you treat someone like a celebrity
energetically they will treat you like a fan energetically.
And very often this happens where what we do
is we move the energy and we make someone else
the star of the movie,
and we then are pinging to them.
And many of you watching this might be empaths.
You might be people that can feel other people's energies
because in childhood, normally, in order for you to survive
you had to tune to your environment
in order to create safety.
So, it's like a surviving, coping mechanism,
and what you become aware of is that energy,
are you tuning to them and then trying to create safety
by like being a certain way,
but then it depolarizes the relationship.
Then you're changing your own sense of gravity,
and the key to this, the most powerful thing
you can possibly do, is to start to be in your own frame,
to be in your own body, to be in your own energy,
and you do this by becoming aware of your own values,
becoming aware of your own desires and wants,
and knowing that you have it within yourself right now
to generate it.
The thing that keeps us from happiness,
that keeps ourselves from feeling magnetic,
from feeling love is just the false belief
that it's not here right now, and the attachment we have
that it's gonna be here in the future.
It's gonna be here when this happens,
when this Prince Charming,
and we've been so preconditioned from freaking Disney movies
and other things, blame it on Disney,
but literally, we literally believe that we cannot be happy.
It's always some damsel in distress that lives
in a fricking tower that's like Rapunzel, Rapunzel.
Like it's all this, this BS where they need to be saved.
They need to, like, learn how to be okay in the tower
that you're in knowing that you generate
from within yourself if you just let go of the belief
that you need the Prince Charming,
you will be and can feel happy.
And as you fill up your own cup,
the irony is you will then see a reflection
on the outside of people that are magnetized
to your energy because you feel complete already.
You're happy, already.
Happy people attract happy people.
People that feel incomplete tend to attract people
that feel incomplete.
People playing the cat and mouse game tend to attract
other people that wanna play that game.
This is all a game of awareness.
All you have to do is let go of the false beliefs
that say, you're not worthy,
you're not good enough.
you're not enough,
and start to embody this energy at a higher level
knowing that you're already, that what you're seeking.
What love is, is really, this is a game of not a game, okay?
We're not kids, but this is a, this is a process
of recognizing and feeling self love within.
That's what really attracting love is,
and being in your own frame,
which means leading in your life,
having maybe a passion or a mission, you know,
having a sense of reality of what you want, and who you are.
And as you start following that,
you then great create this gravity
to where then it attracts other people to you.
But the, one of the things that'll change your life
the most is if you're anxious or avoidant secure attachment,
if you're anxious or avoidant attachment style,
becoming more secure.
Anxious, as you feel like you have to lean in to get love,
you have to chase to get love and then avoidant,
on the other side of that, is you feel
like you have to push away, run,
and instead of chasing or running the idea
is to become secure, where you can give
and receive love easily, you can stand firm in who you are.
There's a process that I have, the 21 Day
Magnetic Love Process
If you haven't been through already shows you how
to heal co-dependent patterns,
how to heal your attachment style,
how to be in your own frame,
how to attract love by feeling it from the inside out,
how to heal the inner childhood abandonment wounds,
and you can go to aarondoughty.com/love to check that out.
It's one of the most powerful processes I've ever
been through and had people go through, been a part of.
And also if you haven't seen this yet,
and you wanna learn how to feel that love from within
I have a meditation with over 4 million views of people,
that in the comments say, they've attracted love
by listening to it for 21 days.
Listen, and read the comments and see what's possible here,
'cause it will change your life.
- [Presenter] This meditation will change your life
if you listen to this for the next 30 days.