- [Narrator:] Welcome back to B/R Football’s breakdown of every single Easter egg and reference in "The Champions" Season 6. Let’s get into Episode 2.
- What happens when 300 of the world's most super footballers and their managers live together under one roof?
Players stop being polite and start getting paid.
This is...The Super League!
- There's only one thing I love more than penalties, and that's...[gulping]
playing for The Super League.
- I also love playing for The Super League.
- [Offscreen:] It didn't sound like you meant that. Say it again.
- [Sobs] - [Offscreen:] Say. It. Again.
- I just want to play normal football. - [Offscreen:] Put him on the bench.
- No...no, not the bench! Noooo!
- We did it! - Yeah!
[All laughing and cheering] ♪♪♪
- [Narrator:] So the intro sequence is about as messed up as The Super League world we now find ourselves in.
The whole league takes place on a flying fortress above an apocalyptic wasteland,
implying that The Super League would have destroyed the rest of the football world as we know it.
The sign by the pool now says "No Fun." The trophy has been replaced with a generic Super League trophy.
The portraits on the walls are all of Super League mastermind Florentino Pérez.
The statues are built on heaps of money.
And literally everything is made of solid gold to show off just how much wealth is going around.
In this world, players are forced to publish propaganda for The Super League,
even if Bruno and Salah don’t seem so convinced.
We then cut to Florentino Pérez, Stan Kroenke and Malcolm Glazer, the sporting directors of Real Madrid, Arsenal and Manchester United,
who were instrumental in concocting The Super League. At least someone’s happy.
And already in this world, you can see how players have switched teams to still be involved in The Super League.
Bayern Munich stayed out of the project when it was first announced,
so it looks like Robert Lewandowski made a big-money move to Man City in this universe.
Also, if you look closely, you can see it’s our real-life Messi and Ronaldo in this title scene, looking like they don’t belong in this new world.
♪♪​​♪ [Clapping] - Great job, Romelu.
Keep up the good interviews.
- Wow, everything really is ass-backwards here, huh?
- [Narrator:] Our first look at this universe shows us Chelsea, with a new, corporate-looking logo, praising Romelu Lukaku for his good interviews.
This is a clear reference to the interview Lukaku did just a few months after rejoining Chelsea,
where he said he would rather return to Inter Milan because he felt more love there
and since then has been pretty much shut out by Chelsea and their fans.
- So, apparently Messi and I ripped a hole in the space-time continuum,
and now we're trapped in an alternate universe where The Super League happened.
Ugh, I never should have come back to England.
- [Narrator:] Ronaldo saying, 'I should never have come back to England,' is a reference to Manchester United's poor form in 2021-22
but also just generally a reference to the fact that both he and Messi moving clubs in the summer of 2021
was such a huge occurrence that it altered the state of reality of football.
If you look in the background of this shot, you’ll see a set of clean sheets in the laundry cupboard.
Underneath are a pile marked De Gea’s sheets because, well, he didn’t keep many clean sheets this season.
- [Singing] The Supers!
- [Announcer:] This week: Lionel "El Cabro" Messi vs. Cristiano "I’m The Only Ronaldo" Ronaldo in another edition of El Clasico Weekly.
Watch these titans go toe-to-toe, just like last week. And the week before that!
For they are the Greatest of All Time. For All Time.
- [Narrator:] One of the main arguments for The Super League was that it would ensure the best teams are playing against each other every week,
claiming it would have the hype of a Champions League final every single game.
Here we see a phony promo for yet another clasico in this universe,
proclaiming Messi and Ronaldo’s greatness as never-ending
and conveniently forgetting the fact that there was a world-famous Ronaldo before Cristiano.
But ironically, the tagline spells out GOAT FAT.
-That doesn't sound so bad.
- Oh, my God. Can you imagine how many goals I must have in this universe? How many assists?
What's my xG?!
- [Narrator:] Ronaldo is more interested in his stats than Messi, another reference to his obsession with being the best.
[Drumming]
- [Chanting together] The best players. The best clubs. Every week.
[Air horn blowing]
- [Narrator:] Now we come to a meeting of The Super League players as they chant The Super League slogan like it’s a cult.
We can see Antoine Griezmann with a wild haircut, Sergio Ramos is still with Real Madrid,
and Jose Mourinho is back as Manchester United manager.
- All right, yo, we got some big matches coming up, so I wanna hear some bomb-ass story pitches.
As the Director of Football, Drama Division, it's my job to make sure the games stay fresh...
by planning every detail ahead of time.
Who are the heroes? Who are the villains?
Who maybe shouldered the hopes of a nation by inheriting the 10 shirt from Ronaldinho only to underwhelm in the biggest moments?
I don't know, just shootin' ideas out there, man.
- [Narrator:] Neymar, with his Santos haircut, is the head of drama in this universe, a reference to the fact that he hasn’t contributed much of importance on the pitch for a few years,
but he’s always in the spotlight for his celebrity and fame.
He also says he wants to see some story pitches,
and we cut to his office and see the walls are filled with actual pitches.
His line about underwhelming in the No. 10 shirt for Brazil
is a reference to the fact that he’s so far failed to lead Brazil to a World Cup like Ronaldinho did.
Oh, and his pen holder is a little Ballon d’Or because it’s the only way he’ll ever get one in this universe.
- Ooh! What if I score nine goals in five minutes?
- Instead of a third-season meltdown, I could have a third-week meltdown.
- Honestly, if I put my mind to it, I think I could get two red cards in one game.
- Or maybe we just try our hardest to control the midfield and score enough goals to win?
[Booing]
- [Narrator:] Here we see a couple of references to Lewandowski scoring five goals in nine minutes for Bayern,
to Jose Mourinho’s classic third-season capitulations that happened at Chelsea, Real Madrid and Man United
and Sergio Ramos’ love of red cards.
And poor old Luka Modrić just wants to play football, just like in real life.
- All right, quite goofin' around, Luka! Does anyone have any real ideas?
No!
- I can't take it anymore!
Every week I change my hair. I try new goal celebrations. But I never get a major storyline!
- Here's a major storyline for ya, Griez-boi. How about Overlord Pérez sends you out on loan to the Untouchables?
- Uhh. - [Gasping]
- [Narrator:] First, Neymar asks for serious suggestions and doesn’t let Suarez say his, because you can imagine it might involve some form of biting.
Then we see Griezmann with an Island Boy haircut,
a reference to the fact he’s always desperate for attention like the Island Boys.
His outburst references to the fact he’s always changing his hair, doing new celebrations and generally changing up his image quite a lot.
But in the last few years, especially since he moved to Barça and Kylian Mbappé came through for France,
he’s not been in the spotlight as much.
Neymar implies that Florentino Pérez is always watching the players in some kind of Big Brother-style control room
and fires out an Everton shirt to Griezmann to signify he’s not worth being part of a Super League team.
[Door opening, marching footsteps]
- [Gasping] Look at us! My skin is so tight.
- Wow, I look shorter in person.
- Sorry, we would have gotten here sooner if we were allowed to walk.
- You need to take rest day seriously. OK, boomer?
- [Narrator:] Super Messi and Super Ronaldo enter on chariots, showing their importance in this universe.
And Ronaldo makes a reference to his own vanity, while Messi is surprised at how short he looks.
Then they’re brought to the front of the room and treated like gods
who aren’t even allowed to walk because they’re so important to The Super League.
- Now come on. Let's pick the winner for this week's episode of the El Clasico.
- I don't care. Let him win.
- Sure, it doesn't matter to me.
- A world where I don't care about winning? That is the most f--ked-up thing I've ever seen!
Uh! What is wrong with you?!
- [Narrator:] This is a clear reference to the fact that in real life, Ronaldo would never not care about winning.
Even in Manchester United’s historically bad season, he ended as top scorer and had a couple of memorable late goals and hat tricks throughout the year.
He would never just give up, and he knows it.
After he’s revealed himself, it’s time to let Kevin talk…
- Kee-vin
- Aaaah!
[Chaotic yelling] - Oh, my dudes, they went that way.
- OK, I think we lost them. Also I just want to point out that I was a little bit faster than you.
- [Narrator:] Messi and Ronaldo escape to a room marked ‘Rubbish,’ and you can see it’s filled with trophies and awards from non-Super League competitions:
La Liga, the Champions League, the Club World Cup.
Also Ronaldo’s "Biggest A-Hole In The Wall" trophy from Season 5, Episode 5.
- It's no Champions League final, but they are giving me a trophy.
- [Narrator:] And of course, Ronaldo had to get a dig in at Messi that he was faster than him.
[Door opening]
- Who are you?
- We are you guys from another universe.
[Romantic music]
- Can I touch? [Murmuring] - Woah, yes, please.
- [Narrator:] Ronaldo loves himself, and in this universe, he gets to really love himself. Need I say more?
- You, traitor. Why are you wearing a PSG kit?
[Sad music] -You don't understand. In my universe, The Super League never happened.
Barça's in financial ruin. I...I had to feed my family.
- I am crying.
- [Narrator:] Messi explains to Super Messi that in the real universe, Barça is bankrupt and had to let Messi leave for financial reasons.
This is one of the main reasons why Barça were pushing for a Super League, because they wanted to guarantee more money for themselves.
Super Messi starts to cry and can only say ‘I am crying’ because, well, he doesn’t usually show that much emotion.
He usually lets his football do the talking.
- It's not all bad. Last summer, we won the Copa America.
- You won a trophy? With Argentina?
For me, that is a dream that can never come true.
FIFA was destroyed in the purge. International football is now just a fantasy tale you tell your children.
Like Santa Claus or the away goals rule.
We will buy you time to escape.
- Uh, never forget me, Crissy! - Hey, everyone. They're outside running towards the corner flag.
[Door closing]
- [Narrator:] In this emotional clip, Messi tells Super Messi he fulfilled his lifelong dream of winning a trophy with Argentina, which he did in the 2021 Copa America.
In The Super League universe, there is no international football,
which might have actually happened when it was announced, as FIFA and UEFA both put out strong statements saying any players involved in The Super League
would be banned from playing in World Cups and European tournaments.
"Never forget me, Crissy." Already an iconic line.
- Let's go home.
- [Sighing] We're gonna have to rip another hole in the space-time continuum.
[Dramatic music] [Glass breaking]
- Aaaaaaah!
[Laughing, cheering] - Nope.
- Oh, f--k no!
- In this universe, horses and people have become one.
- [Narrator:] Firstly, you can see the full array of trophies deemed as ‘rubbish’ in this world, including UEFA Player of the Year, Ballon d’Ors, even some World Cups.
Messi and Ronaldo firstly transport themselves to a universe where USA wins the 2022 World Cup and laugh, because, well, let’s be honest, that ain’t happening.
The squad is filled with current players like Pulisic and Dest but coached by Taylor Twellman and Alexi Lalas. Weird.
Next they skip to a universe where Newcastle United have taken over with their money,
a reference to the club being bought out by the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund, making them the richest club in world football, by a long way.
Next they transport to a trippy universe where horses and people have become one, led by Thomas Müller, famous for his love of horses.
In the back you can see the castle is named Old Castle United, in contrast to the previous world that was Newcastle.
- Leo, look. I made it! [Bell ringing]
Leo? Huh...
Oh, well. Rivalry over. I win.
- [Narrator:] Finally, Ronaldo ends up landing in a small town where N’Golo Kanté rides past on his bike delivering newspapers,
a reference to the viral picture from France training where Kanté had a huge smile on his face while they went for a bike ride.
The Union of European Frisbee Associations can be shortened to…UEFA,
and the foundation year of 1954 was also the year the real UEFA was founded.
♪♪♪
We then see Paul Pogba owning a barbershop, a reference to his many haircuts, giving Antoine Griezmann an unusually normal haircut for him.
We then see a statue for Pelé being the first person on the moon,
a reference to the fact that in the real football world, Pelé always claims to be the holder of a huge amount of unbelievable records.
We then see Jose’s bus valet, because, well, you get that one.
[Keytar playing] - Jürgen Klopp?
- Oh, you know me? You must have one of my albums!
- No. Gross. What?
- [Narrator:] Ronaldo runs into Jürgen Klopp, who in this universe takes his ‘heavy metal’ style in a much different way.
He still has his glasses and yellow teeth, a reference to the fact that without football,
he wouldn’t have been able to afford laser surgery or dental surgery like he has in the real world.
His albums are all references to his life of the football universe.
"Black Forest Blues" because he was born in the Black Forest area of Germany. "Don’t Let It Be" in a reference to The Beatles,
the most popular band to come out of Liverpool.
And a Jamie Webster Tribute album, which reverses the real-life scenario where Jamie Webster is famous for singing Liverpool tribute songs.
- ♪♪♪ Allez, allez, allez! ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ Allez, allez, allez! ♪♪♪
- You're the manager of Liverpool.
- The city? In England? That's crazy. I'm just a normal gegenfolk singer from Germany!
- Klopp calling himself a ‘normal gegenfolk singer’ is a reference to calling himself The Normal One in his very first Liverpool press conference,
when he was asked about Jose Mourinho calling himself The Special One.
- I'm the normal one, maybe, if you want this.
- And ‘gegenfolk’ is a reference to his famous gegenpressing style, which he brought to both Dortmund and Liverpool
with great effect throughout his career.
- Yeah, no. I don't have time for this. Just please tell me how to get to the mansion.
-Mansion...what do you...? What mansion?
- The mansion where you and 800 of the world's most elite football players and their managers live together under one roof.
- [Narrator:] And here we get a nice callback to the show. It’s the first time any character has said the lines from "The Champions" intro in any episode.
This universe really is meta. And then…
- What is football? There's no such thing called football. ♪♪♪