HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN AUTHOR, ACTOR, AND A
A DELIGHTFUL COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM "THE STATE" AND "WET HOT
AMERICAN SUMMER."
PLEASE WELCOME, MICHAEL IAN BLACK!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE POLITICALLY AWARE.
>> AWARE, SURE.
>> Stephen: POLITICALLY AWARE.
WOULD YOU CALL YOURSELF POLITICALLY ASTUTE?
>> NO, I WOULD NEVER CALL MYSELF ASTUTE ABOUT ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU CARE, YOU CARE?
>> SURE, I CARE ABOUT ALL KINDS OF STUFF.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO WATCH THE DEBATES
TONIGHT?
>> I DID.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS YOUR TAKEAWAY?
>> I WAS TRYING TO WATCH IT AS A NEUTRAL OBSERVER BECAUSE I KNEW
I WAS GOING TO BE ON TONIGHT AND I KNOW YOU HAVE AN AUDIENCE THAT
EMBODIES ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: THEY DON'T TAKE SIDES.
>> BUT THERE ARE PROBABLY PEOPLE HERE WHO THINK DONALD TRUMP IS A
TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING AND A TERRIBLE PRESIDENT, BUT THEN
THERE'S PROBABLY ALSO PEOPLE HERE WHO ARE WRONG.
AND SO I JUST WANTED TO BE AS NEUTRAL AS I COULD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: GOOD.
SO, I WAS TALKING-- I WAS TALKING WITH MAYOR EMANUEL JUST
A LITTLE WHILE AGO, ARE THERE
TOO MANY OF THESE DEBATES?
HOW IMPORTANT DO YOU THINK IT IS TO HAVE THESE DEBATES?
>> I THOUGHT TONIGHT WAS REALLY, IMPORTANT.
I THOUGHT IT WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT DEMOCRATIC
PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE SINCE YESTERDAY.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: THAT'S SAYING T SOMETHING.
DID YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
>> UH, YEAH.
I MEAN, WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I--E I LIKE EVERYBODY.
I WAS LOOKING TO SEE HOW BIDEN DID.
HE CAME OUT SPITIN' FIRE.
WHEN HE SAID, "MALARKEY" ON THE TALKING RADIO.
>> Stephen: COME OCOME ON.
>> I ALMOST HAD THE VAPORS, STEPHEN!
( LAUGHTER )
LAST NIGHT.
>> Stephen: SHE HAS A PLAN.
I CAN PICTURE HER IN THE JOB.
>> I LOVE HER.
I THINK SHE'S MY FAVORITE.
>> Stephen: WHO ELSE DID YOU LIKE?
>> I LIKE CASTRO TONIGHT.
I LIKED-- I LIKED BOOKER TONIGHT.
I LIKE ALL OF THEM.'S THEY-- I'LL VOTE FOR-- I'LL VOTE
FOR -- >> Stephen: ALL OF THEM?
>> NO.
HERE'S THE THING-- A LOT OF I MOCRATS ARE PROBABLY LIKE,
"I'LL VOTE!
I'LL VOTE FOR ANY OF THE CANDIDATES."
NOT ME.
I HAVE A VERY STRICT PURITY TEST FOR MY CANDIDATE S.
>> Stephen: OH, REALLY?
>> YES. A >> Stephen: HOW DO THEY PASS
YOUR BAR?
>> IT'S NOT EASY.
FIRST OF ALL, IF YOU'RE A DEMOCRAT WHO STARTED A FAKE
UNIVERSITY AND THEN GOT SUED FOR $25 MILLION AND HAD TO SETTLE, T
YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY VOTE.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> IF YOU'RE A DEMOCRAT WHO PAID HUSH MONEY TO A PORN STAR,
YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY VOTE!
( LAUGHTER )
THAT MEXICANS ARE RAPISTS ANDT CRIMINALS.
GUESS WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY VOTE, STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: OKAY.
DOES THAT ELIMINATE ANYBODY?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> NO, THAT DOESN'T ELIMINATE ANYBODY.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT MARIANNE WILLIAMSON?
>>Y LOVE HER.
>> Stephen: SHE'S GOT AN INTERESTING SPIRIT.
>> YES, AND I'M NOT SURE THAT IN LIKE THE SPIRIT THAT IS SPEAKING
THROUGH HER.
( LAUGHTER )
MIGHT BE CHANNELING, YOU'RE SAYING?
>> SHE'S CHANNELING SOMETHING.
I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.
SHE'S RUNNING FOR ORACLE, MAYBE.
>> Stephen: SHE SITS ON A THREE-LEGGED STOOL--
>> HERE'S A TICKET I COULD GET BEHIND: MARIANNE WILLIAMSON
RUNNING WITH JEANNE LUC PICARD.
THAT WOULD BE A TICKET FOR THE H UNITED FEDERATION OF PLANETS OR
WHATEVER IT IS.
I COULD GET BEHIND THAT.NN >> Stephen: I DO LIKE HER
TALKING ABOUT LOVE.
YOU DON'T HEAR ABOUT THAT MUCH ANYMORE.
>> THERE IS SOMETHING VERY COMPELLING ABOUT HER.
AND SHE'S RIGHT ABOUT THIS: WHEN SHE SAYS NOBODY CARES ABOUT
POLICIES AS MUCH AS THEY CARE
ABOUT THE EMOTIONS AND THE LOVE YIKE LURE TALKING ABOUT.
SHE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
LIKE, THEY WERE TALKING A HALF HOUR TONIGHT ABOUT THE HEALTH
CARE PLANS AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER ABOUT IT.
I DEPARTMENT UNDERSTAND A WORD OF IT.
I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT MY KID IS GOING TO BE COVERED, YOU
KNOW.
THAT'S ALL I CARE ABOUT.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THAT IS THE ISSUE FOR YOU THAT'S A BIG ISSUE FOR
ME.
BY THE WAY, I HAVE TWO KIDS.
I REALLY ONLY CARE IF ONE OF THEM IS COVERED.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE A BOOK HERE.AU
YOU WROTE A CHILDREN'S BOOK CALLED, "I'M WORRIED."
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THIS IS A CHILDREN'S BOOK.
>> IT IS A CHILDREN'S BOOK.
>> Stephen: AND WHY DO YOU WRITE THIS BOOK FOR CHILDREN?
>> BECAUSE I THINK THERE'S A LOT OF PANICKED CHILDREN OUT THERE.
>> Stephen: OH, YOU THINK SO?
YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.
>> HERE'S THE THING.
THIS IS THE FIRST IN A SERIES.
THE FIRST-- AND THIS ISN'T AN COINCIDENCE-- WAS WRITTEN BEFORE
THE LAST ELECTION. S IT'S CALLED "I'M BORED."
THE NEXT ONE WAS WRITTEN AFTER THE ELECTION.
IT'S CALLED, "I'M SAD."
THIS ONE, WE'RE TWO YEARS INTO THE ADMINISTRATION, IT'S CALLED
"I'M WORRIED."
THERE IS ONE PLANNED --
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE ONE MORE?
>> I HAVE ONE PLANNED FOR NEXT YEAR, AND IT IS OPTIMISTICALLY
ENTITLED "I'M HAPPY."
>> Stephen: OH, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY.
THAT WOULD BE LOVELY.
BECAUSE CHILDREN,IC, IF THEY ARE CHILDREN, BECAUSE THEY'RE
GETTING CONTACT ANXIETY FROM THE PARENTS.
>> OF COURSE.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE VERY OPEN.
THEY'RE SPONGES AND THEY CAN TELL HOW WE FEEL.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO LIE TO YOUR
CHILDREN AT ALL TIMES ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW UNTIL THINGS
GET BETTER.
>> THAT'S WHAT I DO!
I AM A-- INVETERATE.
IS THAT A WORD.
>> Stephen: NOPE.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: YOUR ELDEST SON ISR.
ABOUT TO GO OFF TO COLLEGE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR HIM?
>> I'M PROBABLY THE WRONG PERSON TO ASK BECAUSE I DROPPED OUT OF
COLLEGE IN MY SECOND YEAR TO BECOME A TEENAGED MUTANT NINJA
TURTLE.
>> Stephen: FOR REAL.
>> FOR REAL, YEAH.
I WAS RAFAEL--IS AN ADVANCE TURTLE FOR THE "COMING OUT OF
OUR SHELLS TEENAGED NINJA MUTANT TURTLES TOUR.
>> Stephen: I AM BEING TOLD I HAVE TO WRAP.
WILL YOU PLEASE COME BACK AND TELL US THE UNDERSTAND THE OF
THE STORY.AN THAT'S CALLED A GRABBER.
THE BOOK IS CALLED "I'M WORRIED."
CHECK OUT michaelianblack.com FOR HIS TOUR DATES THIS SUMMER
AND THIS FALL.
MICHAEL IAN BLACK, EVERYBODY!