- Hey guy, welcome back to my $400 million,
two bedroom apartment.
So my new obsession lately
that I'll inevitably get bored of in about a week
has been watching videos from Architectural Digest.
Where they do these in-depth house tours
of the most colossal mansions
your brain is capable of imagining.
These 17-bedroom, 30-bathroom houses
where like two 80-year-olds live.
And my biggest takeaway from watching these videos
is that after a certain point,
the more expensive a house is,
the uglier it is to look at.
Anywhere from one to $10 million,
and you've got this beautiful, modern,
technological marvel of a house.
But then when you get up to like $50 million,
a hundred million dollars,
they don't even feel like homes anymore.
This is where pretend rich people live.
I don't feel like I'm in someone's house right now.
I feel like I'm walking through the set of Bridgerton.
And I feel like these videos serve as proof
that there is such a thing as having too much money.
Do I need a bat cave in my house?
Or a ski lift that'll take me to my second house?
Or an old timey barber chair in my billiards room
or a rug that's made out of a bear that's still alive?
I'll say it,
rich people have bad taste.
He said it.
He said the title of the video.
Shh.
I'm trying to watch something.
I feel like there's probably
a psychological explanation for this.
My theory is that in order to be the kind of person
who even strives to make the money necessary
to afford a $100 million house,
you would probably also tend to value things
based solely on how much they cost.
So this $2,000 couch may be pretty comfortable,
and look good in just about any living room,
but this absurdist art piece pretending to be a couch
costs $14,000.
And that makes it better.
I have no idea how I would even sit on this,
but I'll hire someone to figure it out.
Also chandeliers.
Nobody needs one.
They have one of the worst cost to utility ratios
of any household object.
And yet, if you're rich,
you have 30 of them.
But I'm not making this video to psychoanalyze rich people.
I'm making it because there's a ton of funny moments
in these Architectural Digest videos,
and I want to show them to you.
- You get to sit down here,
watch your friends jump in the pool.
Hopefully they're clothed.
- Hello.
Is it like that at your house?
'Cause it's not like that at mine.
- What really makes these videos fun to watch is
the various hosts.
It's never the same person twice.
It's either the quiet rich guy who owns the house,
or a local realtor who watches a lot of HGTV.
This guy, who I'm pretty sure is just Bono
in a Howie Mandel costume is great.
- There's gonna be times
where maybe it's a little too warm or a little too cold
and it's so effortless and so simple
just to close this off.
Give it a little tug
and it's effortless, it really is.
- It's effortless, huh?
What are they trying to hide
with that hilariously-timed cut?
Closing this door is effortless.
You just give it a little tug...
give it a little tug.
Oh, my foot was in the way.
It's effortless.
We're going to cut out that foot thing, right?
I also love how they edit these.
The transitions always make me laugh.
- So me show you the rest of this outdoor living space
and how it all connects.
Follow me. (upbeat music)
I'm standing outside.
- All right, let's check out the other side of the room.
So this is actually hand painted.
This next guy is really good, too.
I like how he refuses to break eye contact with the camera,
even for a second.
(intense kung fu music)
This is all my stuff.
- The railings throughout the main living area
are made up of hundreds of Willow branches.
But the focal point of this room,
under the turret skylight
is the crystal of crystal point.
- Oh, you're not going to explain that?
We're just going to move on from the giant crystal?
This is my recliner
and this is my dehumidified dragon heart.
Hey, let's check out the garage.
- One of the more unique features of this home theater is
while you're enjoying your movie with the doors closed,
if someone enters the outer door,
it blinks the lights on to alert you of their presence.
- That's good.
I am so tired of people sneaking up on me
every time I try to watch a movie.
I definitely like it better
when the owner of the house talks about it themselves
because they're always so proud of super specific things.
- This is our outside covered living room.
This room was a little smaller
than the other rooms in the house
because we wanted to cozier, comfier feel.
- Like that seems to be a common theme in a lot of these.
They always have giant rooms
that they don't even want to be in.
- [Homeowner] This room is really
the largest room in the house.
- We don't spend as much time in here.
- So then they're so proud of themselves
when they've cracked the code
by manufacturing a small space.
Yeah, this room is tiny, but we did that on purpose.
We could've made it really big, but we chose not to.
And now it feels like a home.
Every once in a while though,
I forget that I'm listening to a billionaire talk,
and then they'll say something completely absurd.
(upbeat music)
This is the children's theater.
This piano over here,
last summer, Justin Bieber did a concert
for five of us here.
It was really an amazing thing.
- Private Justin Bieber concert?
Yeah, no, I do that too.
Actually, he's performing here tonight.
Isn't that right, Justin?
Do you want to say something to the camera?
He's shy.
- This is the flower cutting room.
This room really is for cutting fresh flowers.
We have beautiful flower gardens here.
I have never, ever in my life heard of a house
having a flower cutting room before.
- Yeah, no, neither have I.
Because that's not a thing.
- No need to hire a florist.
- That's actually how we can afford this house,
because of how much money we save on florists.
And all we had to do was create a room
that is dedicated solely to this specific task.
(upbeat music)
This is my shoe shining room.
This is where I shine all my shoes.
You know, when we first moved here,
my kids begged me to turn this into their bedroom.
And I said, no, no, no.
Daddy gotta shine those shoes.
Plus their bunk bed looks really good out in the backyard.
- In addition to this kitchen, we have a chef's kitchen,
which we use most of the time that cooks for the family.
So the cook doesn't have to be in the kitchen,
in the living space with the family.
- I like how he tries to phrase that
so that it's for the chef's benefit.
We have our other kitchen downstairs.
So our private chef can cook down there
and he doesn't have to come up in the big kitchen.
Ugh, gross.
He would hate that.
Plus it would be so hard for him to focus on cooking
because we have so many private concerts up here.
Actually the ghost of Prince performed here
the other night,
would have been very distracting.
So that's why we keep them down in the dungeon.
Basement.
I said, basement.
(swanky music)
- This is really a party room.
It has race car machines, pinball machines, ATM machines.
- They got an ATM down there?
Now that's a party.
I'm going to go bowling.
I'm going to play pinball.
Hey Brian, you coming?
You guys go have fun without me,
I'm going to withdraw some fives.
Classic Brian.
$3 service fee?
- So this is the movie theater.
And what's unique about this movie theater is
that it's on the first floor of the home.
I built many, many movie theaters before
and they're all in the basement,
which I find people tend not to use,
because they have to walk down the stairs in the basement.
- You wanna watch a movie tonight?
You know, I'd love to, I really would, but
the theater's all the way downstairs.
Oh thank God, I'm so glad you said something.
I did not want to walk down there.
Let's just keep hanging out on the floor.
Good idea.
And then there's this ludicrous Bel-Air house
that's actually four houses.
It's so big, the realtor showing it to us,
has to be driven around in a golf cart.
And that guy is having a great time.
- And listen to those rolling streams.
And over there,
- That's where we keep the pianist.
Be careful, please don't let him out,
he always tries to run.
- Music to my ears.
(singing)
And this can all be yours for $195 million.
Sometimes Architectural Design
will go into celebrity's homes,
which is fun for me because I love to judge famous people.
Here's the one where they go into Pierce Brosnan's
$100 million beach mansion.
Or at least I think it's Pierce Brosnan.
Can we confirm that?
- Pierce Brosnan.
Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce.
Pierce's closet.
Let me show you Pierce's bathroom.
Lucky Pierce.
- Okay, Yeah, I thought I heard correctly.
I've noticed that the biggest difference
between a celebrity's house
and a regular rich person's house is that celebs
always have a really dumb chair.
Kerry Washington has this beautiful living room
with two concrete toilets.
In Alex Rodriguez's outside bathroom, I guess,
he has this little wooden hammock that is so thin
it would probably give me a wedgie.
Of course it's not all fun and games.
There was the incident.
- I love limes.
I love them, they're great.
I love them so much
and I like to present them like this in my house.
- Oh, that's awesome Dakota.
I love limes too.
And I know I can trust you 'cause you've been in movies.
Well, apparently not.
Because then she went on Jimmy Fallon,
funniest talk show and revealed the truth.
- What do you do with all of those limes?
- I actually didn't even know
that they were in there.
I was giving the tour
and went into the kitchen and they, it was set dressing.
It was hard to just ignore them.
So I just lied.
I just lied.
(somber string music)
- I'm never trusting anyone ever again.
- I love limes.
Actually, no, that's not the truth, Dakota.
- But my favorite celebrity house has to be Dita Von Teese's
taxidermy-filled home.
She's got a stuffed rabbit, stuffed birds,
a stuffed Fox, a stuffed cheetah and tiger.
A stuffed cat.
Wait, hold on.
Oh, okay, I think that's just a regular cat.
All of a sudden I have a new dream home.
I want to build a two-story house, kitchen on the bottom,
my future child's bedroom right above that.
Hole in the ceiling.
A full-sized stuffed giraffe that starts in the kitchen,
neck pops up through the hole,
head looks at the child, making sure he goes to bed on time,
and then every morning I'll shout through the hole,
Oh, drew Jr., I made egg.
And he excitedly jumps out of bed,
makes that sound that Anakin made in the Phantom Menace.
(child exclaims)
He then hops onto the giraffe,
slides down his neck, lands perfectly in the chair,
fork and knife in hand,
bib already on and says, good morning, dad?
Turns out I'm already gone.
You see, I was concerned he wasn't going
to get out of bed in time.
So I had started marching up the stairs,
ready to discipline my sweet boy.
I opened up his door, go, huh?
Look down the hole,
he's already scarfed down his whole breakfast,
threw the bib off backpack on,
looks up to me, says, see you later, dad.
And then scurries out the door just in time to make the bus.
And then the giraffe comes back to life
and we play video games all day until my son comes home.
And that's my dream.
Turns out though that taxidermy is way more expensive
than I thought.
So I'm going to have to do a brand deal.
Hi, I'm a cousin,
but you may recognize me as founder and CEO
of pictureofhotdog.com,
the world's most flammable website.
Almost every day someone comes up to me on the street,
face covered in tears
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or something like that.
To be honest, I don't really pay attention.
I'm a terrible listener.
I'm just here to tell you about how I made the website
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Thank you Squarespace for sponsoring this video.
And for letting me continue my hot dog joke
for over a year.
Thank you so much for watching today's video, guy,
and I'm sorry if I made you jealous
with my sweet pad.
Before I get out of here,
I do want to give a quick shout out to my homies.
Y'all already know who you are.
You're my day-one's, my ride-or-dies,
and that's on God.
Be sure to smash that subscribe button
so you can be notified when I upload tomorrow,
I'm gonna be making a video about the stock market.
Cause I have a lot to say about it
and I know what's going on with that.
And so I'm going to talk about that tomorrow.
So be on the lookout for that.
See you then.