Sometimes you have to deal with a narcissist whether you like it or not.
You might need a little help figuring out how to deal when conflict comes up.
How can you get your point across to a narcissist without fighting?. What are the best tactics for arguing with a narcissist?.
That's what we're talking about today at QueenBeeing.com.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by Athena Moberg and
CPTSDfoundation.org). My name is Angie Atkinson and on this channel, I offer free, daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. I like to call it toxic relationship rehab.
So if that sounds good to you, hit that Subscribe button and let's get going.
So when you're dealing with a narcissist,
it is never easy and you probably are looking for some ways to understand better how to get your point across.
How do you get your point across?. How do you say what you need to say?.
How do you make a point without fighting?. How do you argue with a narcissist?.
Well,
the first thing you have to do is, number one; pick your battles. Know exactly
what you're going in for, only go and argue with a narcissist over something that matters to you a lot.
Secondly, you need to figure out a way to stay calm.
So
one thing that I like to remember and keep in mind is that the narcissist is always going to go for the way that they
can kind of push you over the edge, they want to push you past your point of comfort.
So if that's the case for you, you might want to study gray rock a little bit.
Here's some information that might help, take a look. Why's it so hard to deal with a narcissist in the first place?.
Why can't we just have a normal conversation with them?. Well by nature they're wired to instigate drama, to manipulate you and
generally to do whatever they can to make every situation all about them and getting the supply that they need. Of course,
this is frustrating and exhausting for everybody involved.
Anybody who's trying to deal with the narcissist will find themselves wanting to pull their hair out at some point.
So what do you do? How do you deal? Well, there's only one thing you can do and that's the gray rock method.
It's really the only thing you need to effectively communicate with a narcissist.
The narcissist toolbox is going to be packed full of different manipulation tactics and yeah, it's true
you won't believe how many different ways they'll actually try and you won't believe how low they'll sink
to get you to crumble or cry or whatever reaction they're seeking for supply that day.
There's one simple way you can do it
and if you haven't heard about the gray rock method, you might be shocked at how simple it really is.
It's all about not engaging the narcissist.
You keep the emotion out of it. When they try to
manipulate you or provoke you, which inevitably they will, you just kind of act like you're detached from the situation.
It's a sort of air of professional detachment even in a personal relationship.
You almost try to see them as a
stranger and communicate on that same level that you would communicate with someone you don't really know. In the short of it,
It's basically giving monotone, emotionless
responses, because they'll lose interest more quickly that way. It sort of retrains them to consider you boring to deal with or to argue with
and causes them to try something else or to go and complain to someone else.Essentially,
you become a less effective source of narcissistic supplies.
And when we're talking about arguing with the narcissist,
there are some really simple steps that you can take to just get it done. Number one;
you're gonna have to stick to the facts.
Number two;
you're gonna have to keep emotion out of it and number three; you're going to have to remember who you're arguing with.
So we're going to talk a little more about that process in depth. So have a look at this.
So what are you supposed to do when you actually need them to understand you?
When they actually need to comprehend what you're saying, because maybe it's about a child or another situation in your life,
it's even more frustrating then. Don't ever tell the narcissist that you're using this method, because then they're gonna
actively do whatever they can to like sort of break your
concentration, break your focu. If they know that you're trying a technique on them or trying a method on them,
they will definitely do anything in their power to stop you from doing that, they don't like that.
You don't want to ask questions of the narcissist and you certainly don't want to offer any sort of committed answer.
Just say things like yeah, mm-hmm, okay,
mm-hmm,
or that's interesting. If possible stick to the safe topics to discuss with that person - news, social media, fashion,
whatever, nothing personal, even if they're begging you for that personal day or that personal information,
keep it as drama-free as you can only speak facts, or mm-hmm,
yes, very interesting.
If at all possible during the conversation try to remain as distracted as possible, try not to look them directly in the eyes,
but if you could be checking your text messages or cooking dinner or
doodling on a notepad or whatever that will help you to feel a little more disconnected from them in that moment,
but the other thing you can do and I said this before is look at their forehead,
look at the top of their head, look at the nose, over the mouth, never look them in the eyes,
it gives them some extra power somehow. You won't be as manipulated by them
if you can't see them staring you in your eyes. Most importantly though,
you got to keep your head in this game, because initially when you do this they make up their
anti, they make up the anti and try to become
increasingly belligerent or
manipulative and if you allow them to win, then this won't work.
You must hold it out. If you are able to just get up and walk away, then do that, if you're not, then just
gray face it, you know,
that's very interesting,
hmm, it's interesting that you say that,
you know you don't give them any sort of emotional anything because that's exactly what they're going for.
Don't let him get in your head. You have to remember these people are experts guilt trippers,
so they think they have even the tiniest, you know in into your guilt factory up there, they're coming for you,
so just hold on. Don't try to justify or
defend your intentions, because they're gonna try to make you feel bad and force you to do that.
Don't allow them inside your head. Don't fall into the trap. Just one warning for you,
if you are going to use this method, be very careful not to slip into dissociation. This happened to me.
I got really good at the gray rock with method and I wasn't careful about staying in myself,
so you need to be mindful, you need to make sure that you are talking with other people as often as possible
and that you're not just totally living in your
removed place, because you do sort of go into another place as you're ignoring these people
and moving forward. So you have to make sure that you're mindfully staying in your body every other time of the day,
otherwise, you may slip into dissociation and find yourself just miserable or feeling nothing and we've all been there
I'm sure, but eventually we need to allow ourselves to feel again. So be very careful about that.
Alright,
now this brings me to the question of the day and the question of the day is; how do you argue with
narcissists and is it effective?. Share your thoughts, share your ideas, share your experiences in the comment section below and let's talk about it.
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