G'day, everyone.
Today I'm reviewing old people!
This review is dedicated to
and inspired by
Captain Sir Tom Moore.
He was a dead set legend of the highest order,
raising millions for the NHS to fight Covid,
getting knighted and becoming mates with Liz.
Dead. Set. Legendary.
You are exactly the kind of old bugger
I wanna be, mate.
Fuck yes! Okay nah—seriously,
I reckon getting old
gets a bad rap.
I think old people are awesome!
Young people just assume they’re creaky
and decaying and then BAM!
They cast off those stereotypical assumptions
like a pair of crutches.
I’m personally looking forward to being old.
I'm gonna join a cool group
like this flock of octogenarians.
They're like "bugger it!
let’s get on the flippy flips with the spring chickens
at the silent discotheque."
This blokes drugs are juuuuuust kicking in,
he’s unsure if this boomin’ granny is real,
or a lucid subconscious reminder
that he should call his mum.
Here’s a heard of retirees learning how to floss.
It’s important to not only stay active,
but up to date on popular culture.
Ethyl's like "Yeah this is how you do it. I'm flossing.
3, 4, 5, I'm flossing."
yeah just wriggle your arms I don't know what that is.
Maybe it's actually a TikTok dance,
that she's doing. That's how much cooler
than me, fucken ethal is.
Boomin’ Granny representation on TikTok
is huge.
They’re some of the best content creators
on the platform.
Bloody getting involved in all the trends.
Ohoh, WOW!
Inappropriate stiffy activated.
I could watch Grandma Scriven
review blokes all bloody day.
[Grandma complementing blokes]
She's thirsty. She IS thirsty.
Retirement seems like a fantastic time
to take up a new art practice.
This Grannie is engaging with a cheeky spot
of public performance art
inspired by the Dada movement.
Profound shit.
This passing shiela thinks to herself,
‘Wow. Wowie!
I was not ready for this.
This microwave is making me question
man’s relationship with technology."
Celebrity and fame can also happen at any age.
Remember the Snarling Dog guy from A Current Affair
in Australia?
[Snarling]
He got so bloody internet famous
that from that he got invited BACK on A Current Affair
a second time
and he wasn’t even a dodgy trady.
Which by Australian standards, that’s huge.
[Snarling]
Oh! Here’s a couple of grey nomads as we call em’,
although in Australia they usually cart around in SUV’s
and motor homes.
In the US it seems they fang around
on motorized scooters
much to the frustration of other highway users.
But hey, you know what?
They worked long and hard
for their retirement- let them do it.
Let them slow down traffic.
3- 2- 1- AGING GRACEFULLY ACTIVATED!
Eat a dick, arthritis. YES, haha.
Tim and Cheryl are having a ball.
Actually, I think Tim is having a heart attack.
Not a ball… I guess that saying "Young in heart"
doesn't really mean
that you have a young hearth.
No he’s good.
He’s good! He's alright Timbo.
Good decision. Just breath mate.
Just breath.
Okay let’s end today’s review
on this 70 year old
casually climbing a vertical wall
of fucking rock
like he’s in a bloody Assassin’s Creed game.
I mean, don’t worry- he’s stretching first.
You know, so that's good.
He doesn’t pull a hammy
DEFYING THE LAWS OF PHYSICS.
He climbs to the tippy top,
gives his hat a chucky chuck,
then crawls BACK down the wall
like Jacked Charles Xavier
from the M Night Shammylammylan movies.
Where was I? Oh yeah, this guy is jacked,
He is jacked.
I need to work out more.
Fuck yes old people.
You are inspiring.
Fuck yes.