It’s one of those sequels that’s been rumored for years: Goonies 2.
The latest surge of Goonies hype happened in 2014, when director Richard Donner confirmed
that the long-awaited sequel was indeed going ahead, but so far… nothing.
Unfortunately for Goonies everywhere, a sequel becomes increasingly unlikely with every passing
year.
Here's why we never got to see The Goonies 2.
The scripts have sucked
In 2009, Empire magazine conducted an interview with all of the original Goonies, as well
as director Richard Donner and producer Steven Spielberg, and naturally, the interview soon
turned to talk of a sequel.
Donner was quick to blame the lack of a decent screenplay for the film's constant stalling,
telling Empire that he and Spielberg had spent a lot of energy hunting for a good script,
and that the duo "had many meetings with writers, but nothing stuck."
Cast member and weird modern vampire Corey Feldman was more positive about the prospect
of a second Goonies outing, though Donner didn't share his enthusiasm, stating there
was "no hope" of it going ahead at that stage.
Even Feldman, who doesn’t have much going on right now except for...whatever this is...knows
that Goonies 2 is a dangerous game to play, saying,
"It could have a very bad backlash!
At the end of the day, and I have said this before, the only way a Goonies sequel happens,
and is forgivable to the fanbase, is if it is done right."
Feldman and co-star Sean Astin even wrote a sequel themselves and presented it to Richard
Donner, but were told that their ideas were too expensive.
Considering how much cash goes into blockbusters today, and the fact that animated prosthetics
and a giant pirate ship weren’t too cost prohibitive for the original, it’s hard
to imagine what Feldman and Astin turned in that was deemed too extravagant.
But either way, Astin is game.
“Yes or no: Goonies sequel.”
“Someday.
I hope.”
“You in?”
“If they want me.”
“Alright!”
“Yes!
Yes!
Yes!”
And everyone knows, an angry Al Roker will not be denied.
“Spielberg!
Get on it!
Make The Goonies 2!”
Producer Frank Marshall has gone on record as saying that he won't make a sequel just
for the sake of doing it, insisting that the story has to be right before the film can
go ahead to avoid disappointing fans.
Ironically, fans ended up being disappointed by another one of his comments…
A reboot instead?
Picture this: a bunch of middle-aged Goonies have lost touch with what it means to be a
member of the team, leaving their children to revive their never-say-die attitude and
take them on a new adventure.
It writes itself, right?
Frank Marshall doesn't quite see it that way.
The producer revealed that any new Goonies project would not actually be a sequel, but
a film made "in the Amblin spirit of Goonies."
So, unfortunately for those hoping for a continuation of the story, the idea of a complete reboot
has been supported by the writer of the original movie, Chris Columbus.
Despite previously stating that the only way the film could be done was with the original
kids as parents, Columbus has since changed his tune, confirming that he’s currently
on a full nostalgia-attack, and actively involved in reboots of both The Goonies and Gremlins.
“Look, there are a lot of writers who are interested in writing Goonies, but the problem
is that we’re very protective because it’s, it’s a, such a well-loved movie.
The same goes for Gremlins.
Gremlins is a little easier…”
Because that worked out so well for Ghostbusters.
Richard Donner is getting older
As someone who’s keen to see this long-awaited sequel eventually happen, Feldman has raised
fears that the project is very much time sensitive, saying,
"Richard Donner is 87 years old.
And it's like, no one really wants to make it without him.
He's the driving force behind it.
He says it's still alive.
But as we all know, when you get to that age, things slow down quite a bit.
There is a big possibility that he might not want to keep driving it."
Feldman went on to explain that Goonies 2 just wouldn't happen without Donner in the
director's chair, adding that every day that passes without the wheels in motion takes
us a day closer to it never happening.
Chunk out
Even if Goonies 2 is a sequel, they would have been forced to do it without one of the
most loved of all the Goonies.
[Retching sounds]
Jeff Cohen, the former child actor who played Chunk, nixed the idea of returning, claiming
that his new career as an entertainment attorney and author is too good to give up, even if
he does remember his acting days fondly.
“Anybody who says they intentionally give up acting is lying.
They’re absolutely lying.
Uh, you know, I loved being a kid actor, it was great, but you know for me I look different,
I was evolving from Chunk to hunk, that I am today.”
Cohen has become one of the go-to attorneys in Hollywood, has written a book called The
Dealmaker's Ten Commandments, and the ex-Goonie also occasionally writes about legal and political
matters for CNBC.
So, he probably doesn’t have enough time to do the ol’ Truffle Shuffle anymore.
“Ohhhaaaaoohhh.”
Goonies go off-Broadway
Evidently fed up with waiting for a sequel to be greenlit, Donner went ahead and made
alternate arrangements to bring the Goonies back to life.
In 2015, the director announced that he was creating an off-Broadway, immersive production
of The Goonies.
He outlined his vision to Yahoo!
Movies, explaining,
"There's no seats, the venue is you go into a warehouse and there's something happening
in that warehouse and that's the play you've come to see, only you become part of it and
you travel through with actors."
The Goonies play has yet to materialize, with no details to speak of.
Donner was adamant that the show would soon be a reality, however, and while this would
surely be an unforgettable experience for any Goonies fan, Donner focusing on this project
means Goonies 2 is as far off now as it's ever been.
The closest we’ll ever get is a notoriously weird Nintendo game.
But never say die, right?
“Don’t say that!
Never say that!
Goonies never say die!”
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