Are you dealing with a narcissist and want to know how to command respect from them?
By the end of this video you're going to know exactly what to do to get that narcissist
to actually respect you.
Hi.
I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide.
I've helped thousands of people, maybe even millions at this point, go from lives of drama,
trauma, chaos, to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.
I do the same thing for you right here in these videos and on this channel so make sure
that you have subscribed and you've hit that notification bell.
That way, you'll get notified when I upload brand new content to help you out of this
relationship with that narcissist.
I give you real step-by-step guidance on how to do that.
Now, you're dealing with a narcissist and you're thinking, "Why don't they respect me?
They never respect me."
It's kind of a weird thing because they probably started off with love bombing you and in that
love bomb phase you felt like they thought you were amazing.
If you want to know more about love bombing, make sure you check out my video on love bombing.
Anyway, they start off the relationship with love bombing and they make you feel like you're
the most amazing person that they've ever met.
You feel respected and they do this to get you into their web of control.
All that love bombing is really just a form of manipulation because they want to get supply
out of you.
A narcissistic supply is anything that feeds a narcissist's ego so it could be money, and
compliments, and respect, and all the things that feeds anybody's ego.
We all love to be get complimented and feel good.
We all want to feel seen, heard, and know that we matter, but the narcissist is actually
on the other end of the spectrum.
While we all enjoy things that feed our ego, the true narcissists only live on that.
They feel no sense of inner value.
They feel no sense of care or empathy for other people.
They know how to fake it but they don't actually feel it.
Narcissistic supply ... If you want to know more about narcissistic supply, definitely
check out my video on narcissistic supply.
Narcissistic supply is anything that feeds that narcissist's ego.
It can be control, and intimidation tactics, and devaluing, and debasing, and treating
people poorly.
They certainly don't respect other people because deep down inside what's actually going
on with the narcissist is that they have no sense of self.
They don't feel any sense of value or respect for themselves, but that's so buried inside
all these layers of stuff that they layer on to try to look like they have value.
They're like that hollow chocolate Easter bunny, it looks really good on the outside
but on the inside there's just nothing going on.
They do whatever they can to get narcissistic supply.
The truth of the matter is, that narcissists don't actually respect anyone.
They certainly admire other people because they feel jealous of them or they want what
they have.
I've had to deal with this with two narcissists in my life.
One in particular was in a business setting with me and this particular person just wanted
what I had and so she attached herself to me thinking that I would bring her along.
Then, once she was in my world, she started to devalue me, try to step on me, try to take
what I had, and things like that.
It was like she was a covert narcissist so it was a crazy situation where I felt like
what is she doing?
She's nice sometimes, she's not nice, why is she saying that, and you end up in this
vegetable stew brain trying to figure out what's going on with this person.
They live off of narcissistic supply so going after people that they admire is something
that they'll do.
If somebody has wealth or prestige or power, then the narcissist definitely wants to be
with that person.
It might come off as that they respect that person but what's really going on is that
they just want what that person has.
They're going after that person for narcissistic supply.
If you are so ready to be respected, say, "Respect me."
Can a narcissist actually respect you?
No, but can you stop them from disrespecting you?
Very important distinction.
You can definitely get them to stop disrespecting you because you don't have them in your life
anymore or you start doing things that shut down their manipulation.
I call it ethically manipulating the manipulator, anybody who follows me on a regular basis,
you know all about that ethically, manipulating the manipulator.
How do you do that?
Well, you start saying things like, "I'm not going to allow you to disrespect me."
You can actually say that to them.
In my S.L.A.Y.
Your Negotiation Course, I actually have 50 key phrases that you can use to disarm the
narcissist and one of them is, "I'm not going to allow you to disrespect me.
We can have this conversation when you are ready to talk to me in a civilized manner."
Just not allowing them to disrespect you and starting to stand up to them and calling them
out on their behavior.
If they lie to you, just say, "I know that you're not telling me the truth."
You have to start learning how to divorce yourself.
I'm a divorce lawyer so I have to work that in.
Divorce yourself from the emotion of what they're trying to drag you into.
You have to start looking at them like they're a toddler having a tantrum on the floor.
You wouldn't go down and start screaming and crying with them, you just look at them half
amused and you're like, "Okay, are you done now?"
That's what you had to have to do with narcissists because, the truth be told, they actually
are toddlers inside an adult body.
Something happened with their development, I call it arrested development where they
just got stuck in that state because of trauma or something that happened in their childhood.
You got to just look at them like they're just having a tantrum on the floor and just
don't get engaged in the emotion of it.
That's number one.
Number two is to start to go no contact.
You can start to do that by creating boundaries, really, really strong boundaries, and so maybe
that's number two and three.
Go no contact, number two, number three, create boundaries because you want to start getting
them out of your life.
They are predators and true predators don't actually ever change from being predators.
I actually asked a psychologist one time if they could be rehabilitated and she told me
that they couldn't, in the sense that they can't be taught how to have empathy for a
person, they can't be taught how to truly love another person.
They can be taught how to go through the mannerisms.
They can be taught what's appropriate behavior and if they're open to, willing to learn that
then that's fine, but who wants to be around a person like that?
Not me, thank you.
I'd rather be with somebody who actually can have feelings and actually can be empathetic
and actually can care.
Wouldn't you?
Yeah.
You deserve that, we all deserve that.
I've been in situations before where I've had to say to people, "Why do you want to
be with somebody who doesn't respect you, doesn't love you, doesn't care for you?"
I want you to really take a hard look at that because you deserve so much better than that.
How do you allow that space to be open?
You have to get this person out of your life.
One of the big epiphanies that I had one time was that if I'm obsessing about what the narcissist
is doing then I am not in creation mode.
I'm not doing things to help myself, to take care of myself or help other people around
me or people who could actually benefit from my life being in this world.
Once I had that epiphany that's when I wrote my book, Negotiate Like You Matter, that's
when I started making these videos for you all.
I actually have now viewers from literally all over the world.
I actually stopped obsessing about what was going on with that narcissist and I started
moving forward and eventually created boundaries and then eventually went no contact with the
narcissist.
It made a huge difference in my life.
Was it easy?
No, it's not easy.
Extricating yourself from a relationship with a narcissist is never easy because they want
to hang on to that supply.
If you are a good source of supply to them, they want to hang on to that with every breath
in their body.
They'll line people up on a shelf, hold them in storage, in case they might need to go
back to them for supply at some point.
Once they realize that you're onto them, then they're going to start love bombing you again.
They're going to start coming back and they're going to start doing all the things that they
were doing in the past to try to get you back into their web of control, but you're going
to be moving forward.
Just keep going.
Don't look back.
Don't give into their love bombing, don't give into their they're hoovering techniques
and all that sort of thing.
Just keep on going.
Eventually, they'll realize that you're no longer a source of supply for them and they'll
just move on to a different source of supply.
Now if you like this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment.
If you haven't subscribed to my channel already, now is a great time to do that.
Subscribe, hit the notification bell.
If you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist, make sure you grab my free Crush
My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
Don't walk into a negotiation without it.
You can get it at winmynegotiation.com or just check the link below.
If you want support, and you're dealing with a narcissist, and you want to connect with
others who are also dealing with the narcissist as well, join me in my free private Facebook
group, it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, and we'll make sure that
there's a link to that below as well.
Thanks so much for joining me today.
I'm Rebecca Zung, I'm so glad that you're here.
Remember, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'll see you in the next video.