Film Courage: How do you know when a writer is holding back? Let's say I bring to you
what I think is a traumatic scene and you read it and you say
yeah it sounds traumatic but I'm not…it's missing…something's missing here.
Kim O’Hara, Author/Book Coach/Speaker/Podcaster: When they write more about the other person in the
scene than them, that's how I know they're holding back. They're not talking about themselves,
they're taking that other person's inventory and it's more about that other person so I'll say well
this isn't a book about that person how did you feel in that situation that's a number one example
you can actually see it before they even start writing the book typically they'll
a client will come to me this isn't I don't mean typically in this situation this is how it unfolds
i've got all this other writing that i've done and I’d love for you to read it all because I think
I want to include it all in the book and I'll go well how much of their of it is there and they'll
say well I mean it's like a couple short stories I wrote I think there might be some nuggets in there
and I think oh we're never going to use any of this but I think well I'll read it right because
I'm getting to know them and it's it's almost like part of the process because they're saying to me
this is who I was before I came to you will you look at me right so they are actually giving me an
opportunity to see where they're going to have to go from and I'll read the material and I'll either
I'll glean from it they're this kind of writer or this is what's been important to them
we never use that material because I see that they're going to like I see I get a good idea
I'm like okay this is I understand where they're starting from I understand why they're coming
to me I understand why they're showing me this they're saying and a lot of times the material
will have pretty graphics in it and they've spent a lot of time presenting it when they
write books with me I'm like do not put any graphics in the book while we're writing it
it's just something we have to delete move around it's just it's technical stuff words just words
don't dressing it up is not going change my edit notes like I'm going come I'm not you're not
going like fool me with the pictures right and so that's one way that I see that they might be
uh like a little more resistant to being honest I had a client once who wrote an entire book with me
for two drafts and it was at the end of the second draft
I don't I don't know if I missed it or she just threw it in kind of like slid it in but it I read
it and I realized that something had happened to her as a baby in a crib it was abuse and
she hadn't even realized and she didn't even realize she'd written it and that was that was
painful that was that was it was it was it was hard to call it out and it was hard for her to
process it so I think if you want to tell it'll come out right whether you know it or not whether
you know it or not the words kind of they don't lie that'll be the truth it's like freudian slips
very true how common is it for a writer to not believe in themselves
I mean does anybody ever really believe in themselves who's a that are that is a writer
I mean I have days I think it I think it varies from day to day I think that one thing i've been
doing lately is I'm part of a writing group and we will write and read out loud and nobody will
say anything you just read and it's thank you and then another part of that group which is more of
an advanced group we will read a chapter and then the group will comment on it and I think that that
takes away when you're able to present and perform you get out of that headspace that I'm all alone
and on any given day it's all about me I'm either good or I'm bad good or bad it's hardly ever
well that was a good day it's it's never in the middle I think as a writer you're either crap
or you're amazing so when you are in a group and you're reading to other people
you realize that there's a lot of good things about your writing there's some things that
need to be fixed about your writing oh I didn't expect that person would like that oh I really
like how I sounded oh well I'm writing about all these gosh I keep using that voice wow I'm really
snarky there's so many other things to think about versus good or bad and that's where I try to get
writers to work from like what are your strengths what are some of the areas you could improve
if that's not something you're very interested in getting better then maybe we'll have someone come
in and do maybe like some edits on that for you or you know uh but rarely does anyone say oh I'm
not I'm not a good writer I think they're pretty pretty proud of themselves by the time they get
through three drafts if anything they're very proud of the work they just did week after week
there was the the vigilance and the resiliency no matter what to sit down at that computer
and write a chapter even if it's something they want to just throw against the wall in absolute
disgust you know I’ve had them turn in chapters and say well I'm turning it in dot dot dot you're
like you know the rest of that sentence is but I think it's terrible and it never is.
Film Courage: What about the flip side those that think it's amazing and actually
maybe they're not seeing themselves and I mean it's they're blinded by something?
Kim: That's a great question I do no experience I have had experiences like that where
they're on a journey and you could you could just be their guide so you can tell that a lot of what
they're writing probably belongs in a journal and might need some more extensive therapy before it
goes out in the world it's definitely a little bit of a dump maybe a little bit of a crap show
but that's not my I'm not going to judge their experience so if they're done with it and they say
and I might say this felt a little hard are you sure you want to come out and say that about like
your mom or that ex-husband or like you know I know we're going to change some names but
that just was that's whoa that's real you're going for the jugular on that one I know
that's who they're going be and I don't I am you know hats off to you like I’ve given
the disclaimer because what will happen is is that they'll go out and try to sell the book
and a lot of times with a little bit of my guidance depending on
whether they're still coaching with me or not but they'll go out and I’ve become friends with
most of these people at this point so I am I have a lot invested emotionally with them but
they'll find out sooner or later because someone will say this feels like
an emotional dump and then they'll have to go you know maybe I should like get rid of that one scene
with the you know and some people need more of a rewrite and they don't have time or money anymore
to do a rewrite so they might have to sit on it for a while so if it feels really heavy if I'm
like whoa this is not I'm not moved but if this is almost like uncomfortable for me then maybe it is
this dump is is that how yeah it's not really for the reader it's for the writer still and
you want to get it to a place where it's for the reader to then have their experience and feel like
I just heard someone say that like Angela's Ashes [author Frank McCourt] he wrote that for 10 years
or something because he wanted to write it until he wasn't angry anymore so that the
experience could be for the reader what is your process for coaching belief into someone well I
always just say the fact that they signed up for a one-year program and they're showing up every week
is already pretty amazing and really impressive I'm always giving like positive notes like love or
that was amazing or look how you turned that around or this is incredible in my one year
program there isn't a lot of time to not believe in yourself it's so rigorous and it's so continual
that I don't really think it's belief that trips them up because once they start getting going they
just want to do the work and finish it because they're committed I think belief falls more into
uh people that aren't there yet right so that would be more in the own your authorship class
that's people who you know it's a lot more like cheerleading and a lot more showing them the light
of the vision that they have that they can get to the finish line that they are worthy of writing
that they just they I you know they they can have that desire as much as anybody else can have that
desire so there's a lot more coaching belief in I would say the uh in those early early foundational
and fundamental classes but my one-year clients they're pretty badass they they signing up for a
one-year program and and and putting out twenty thousand dollars you already better believe
because you're invested does anyone get scared because they know people will read it and they may
identify they may even though names are changed and think but they're just afraid even you know
yeah it's traumatic to divulge secrets I’ve had clients sit on their books for a little bit longer
than I thought they should have but that was their process that they needed to go through and then
when they did actually release the book they were ready and so they're ready you know when they're
ready or they had to like the book had shown them something about themselves and so they had
to go be with that new self for a little while and then maybe start a podcast or open another
version of their business and they knew the book was good so it's not like it was getting stale
they knew that they could bring it out when they felt like they were in a in a successful space
and so sometimes that might be six months after they're done after a year I start to
to hassle them what happened to your book what happened to your book what happened to your book
and some people it doesn't happen much anymore but in my early days of coaching there were people
that wrote the book just to write the book they they were done they were like I'm good something
I wanted to do in retirement I don't really think I have time and energy to go through the whole
publishing process I'm really happy I did it I feel like I wanted it down on paper for legacy
and I just don't think I need to publish it sometimes i've seen comments that when
someone's written about let's say a famous parent that whatever the public's perception of that
individual is they end up getting mad at the at the writer because maybe they're divulging
things that we don't want to see that side of that person right have you ever talked about
you know the the criticism that could come for divulging secrets or speaking about whatever
oh yeah isn't seen as honoring whomever I like to say if you're getting that kind of criticism
you're doing well with your book because nobody criticizes a book nobody cares about
so I believe to get that level of criticism you have to have a lot of eyeballs on your book a lot
of eyeballs on your book to kind of kick up that kind of you know dissent about it right that many
people have to be reading it so I look at that as kind of a win it's like good they're fired up
tell more people to read it because they're going to be fired up and they're going to be upset and
I haven't had anybody write about anybody famous I do have a client who wrote about a lot of
there were Hollywood people in it she hasn't published yet but she wasn't
she was like that's the way it went down
and I was there so it's not like contestable really because it's exactly what happened
and there were witnesses so you know we don't like in general our bubbles burst if that
if that's the bubble it's going to be burst for you and you chose that book to read it maybe you
were looking to get that bubble burst anyway you just don't know it on a subconscious level you.
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