(marching band playing)
(song ends)
Well done, the band.
We're all bursting with pride
after our girls' basketball team beat Shelbyville
Please welcome Springfield Elementary's own Lady Pumas!
(applause)
I'm sorry, but the team all got food poisoning
at the pre-rally egg salad sandwich party.
Luckily, as equipment manager,
I... was not... invited!
-Whoo-hoo! -No team?
-(groans) -(whirring)
(yelling and groaning)
Abandon gym!
(bell ringing)
(kids yelling)
(yelling)
-Huh? -You unrepentant little twerp!
-(grunts) -(clamoring stops)
-(Bart grunts) -(children gasp)
(gasping stops)
Oh, Edna.
It was an open hand. Does that help?
even selling As for cigarettes.
But in laying a hand on a student,
you have crossed a line.
In all my years of teaching,
I've never raised a hand to a student.
But you learned! You grew!
No! You should never raise your hand to a child.
Edna, until the state disciplinary committee rules
on your case, every workday you'll report
to a school board holding facility--
You show up here every day, 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
Shoes remain on, cell phones remain off.
No Wi-Fi, and you may not refer to this experience
as either Kafkaesque or Orwellian.
BART (whispering loudly): Psst! Mrs. K! Down here!
Haven't you caused enough trouble?
You shouldn't suffer for my bad deed.
It should just go unpunished forever.
Fine, half-assed apology accepted.
What else do you want to talk about?
-Meet me in the bathroom. -(loud footsteps)
-Check this out-- a dead possum. -(hissing)
-Ay, caramba! -(loud footsteps)
Okay, Bart, what's going on?
I'm a teacher in a bathroom with a student.
That's why most of these people are here in the first place.
Mrs. K., I'm here to spring you.
But I can't just wander out of here whenever I feel like it.
Who says you're leaving?
(Mrs. Krabappel gasps) You made a dummy of me?
Mm, I use it to workshop my pranks.
Now follow me!
(grunting)
Oh, I don't know about this.
(whimpering)
(groaning)
Hmm? Oh, great!
The one day I put cream cheese on my bagel!
(screaming)
(chuckling) Did a volcano erupt in Candyland?
'Cause I just caught me a flying red hot!
Ha! Ah...
Anyhoo, so I don't commit the deadliest of sins--
omission-- here's my card.
Oh.
Edna Krabappel.
Good luck finding a rhyme for that.
Uh, so, uh, we were talking about why you decided
to drop in to the Flanders Arms.
For some reason, I was following the advice of one Bart Simpson.
Bart Simpson? Why, he lives right next door to me!
-And what about that father? -Homer?
(chuckles)
Yeah, he's the peanut in your popcorn.
You know, I wouldn't mind Homer lying naked in his hammock,
but does he have to string it up higher than the fence line?
I'll bet your wife doesn't like it.
Oh, I'm afraid my Maude is putting plastic
-on the clouds now. -Oh, you poor man.
-Oh. -And you're a former Mrs.,
so, uh, where's your husband buried?
Probably between the hooters
of a coat check girl in Shelbyville. Ha!
Thank you for lunch, Ned.
Well, thank you for taking me to that Pinkberry place.
It's a lot less racy than its name would lead you to believe.
Well, sir, I guess I better re-fenestrate ya.
(humming)
Any chance I could see you again?
You know, I am a fallen woman.
(chuckles) Whoa, slow down.
I never go to second entendre on the first date.
(both laughing)
You've been in there for three hours!
What are you doing, taking a bath?!
("Heaven Must Have Sent You" by The Elgins plays)
♪ I cried through many endless nights ♪
♪ Then you came into my lonely days ♪
♪ With your tender love and sweet ways ♪
♪ Now, I don't know where you come from, baby ♪
Aw.
The governor crushed the teachers' union,
so you don't have to stay here anymore.
Now I can just fire you.
-Where will I go? -I'll rehire you,
but you will have to work weekends as a prison guard.
Getting sprung really made me feel like celebrating.
Let's see what you're hiding under this sweater.
Huh. Well, maybe I should lose a layer.
(laughing)
Edna, you're a very beautiful woman,
but I'm a little, uh, you know...
uncomfortable with premarital sex.
Like a mild cheddar, I get tangy when I'm sitting on the shelf.
Okay, I'll try it your way.
But can I at least nibble on the cheese?
(both moaning)
You have the energy for one more?
Absolutely.
This is the best DVD about cheese-making I've ever seen.
Ned!
That's right, I'm down to my wife-blesser.
(smooching)
-(school bell ringing) -(cheering)
(cheering and shouting)
-See you tomorrow, Teach. -Don't remind me.
(both chuckle)
(tires squealing)
Mrs. K.?
Are you still bumping mustaches with Ned?
Yes. And the way things are going,
you're going to be seeing me here a lot.
By the way, you forgot to bring home your math worksheet.
That's the dog that's always eating your homework?
(whines)
Hang on. Wait a minute.
Well, if it isn't the local school marm
and his new girlfriend.
Homer, I'd appreciate it if you weren't so rude to Ned.
Whoa. Flanders, this chick does not get our thing.
-(gasps) -Homer, do you know
how lucky you are?
Ned is a wonderful, caring man, and a darn good neighbor.
I understand you borrowed a thing or two from Ned
that you never returned.
See, Dad?
Having Krabappel next door is nothing but trouble.
Teachers should not be allowed to live near their students.
Don't panic, son.
We can bust up Teachy and Preachy.
Here's what we do-- I'll take Flanders out
and remind him of the joys of the single life.
You scare Rod and Todd by telling them
If fairy tales have taught us one thing,
it's that first wives are perfect,
second wives are horrible.
Just the opposite of real life.
If you're single, you can come here every night.
I don't want to come here.
Last time I did, someone slipped me a Mickey
and wrote "Churchy Joe" on my face.
FLANDERS: Oh, my.
-Ned, let's cut to the chase. -Yeah, let me guess.
You're probably gonna do something boneheaded
like try to talk me out of seeing Edna.
Homer, listen to me.
For a long time now I've been lookin' over the fence
at that wonderful relationship you have with Marge.
Then I remember what it was like to have a sweet woman of my own
(voice breaking) Oh, Ned, I never dreamed
that beneath those iddilies and diddilies there was a dude.
That's right. And like any man,
I put on my secret Christian underpants one leg at a time.
And Cinderella's stepmom made her sew clothes
and mop the floor.
-No, I... -Give me that shirt.
I'll patch the hole in the armpit.
(Todd and Rod humming "Battle Hymn of the Republic")
Haw-haw.
Can I get this by Tuesday?
But now, from the bottom of my heart,
I wish you and Edna the best.
Fellow barflies, to Ned Flanders and Edna Krabappel.
My e-mail address is Ednalover172.
It was the lowest number I could get.
Joey Kramer? The drummer from Aerosmith?
Yup, that's me.
And after a night with Edna,
I couldn't walk this way, that way, or any other way.
Well, Homer, you really put one over on
old stupid Flanders, here.
Thanks a lot, neighbor.
Don't you mean "neighboreeno"?
No. Just plain neighbor.
You stupid jerks.
I can't believe you could be so cruel.
Especially you, Joey Kramer.
Ned, is anything wrong?
You've been acting distracted all night.
Oh, I was just wondering how many boxes of staples
I should order for the store.
Eh, maybe we should just call it a night.
Oh, okay. See you tomorrow?
LENNY: Yeah, give me a kiss, Neddy boy.
COMIC BOOK GUY: Including me. I shall be discreet in my tweets
but brutal in my blog.
JOEY: We made love in so many elevators.
-What is it? -(panting) I can't do it.
Edna, call me Delta Airlines,
'cause I can't handle your extra baggage.
All right, pipe down back there, you'll get your chance.
Oh, come on, Moe, quit hoggin' her face.
(screaming)
Well, there's Ned out on his power walk.
Maybe you should talk to him.
He's a good man and a good neighbor,
and you're drinking coffee from his mug right now.
(Homer groans)
I-I know you're not comfortable
with all the guys Edna's seen around town.
And country.
a relationship survives is by forgiving.
Endless, endless forgiving.
And didn't the Easter Bunny himself say,
"Forgive them, Father, for finding all my eggs"?
And if a giant rabbit can lay chocolate eggs,
maybe you and Edna can find a way to make it work.
Edna, I had a long talk with Homer Simpson yesterday,
and as I was carrying him back home,
I had a lot of time to think.
You've been with a lot of men,
but I forgive you.
Who are you to judge how I've lived my life?
Ned, I'm not ashamed of dating those men. I'm proud.
I still wear your bra.
Well, not exactly proud, but I'm stuck.
I guess this is gonna have to be decided by a higher power.
So we're going to let the Internet decide.
Should Ned and Edna stay together?
-(groans) -(whirring)
(yelling and groaning)
What else do you want to talk about?
-Meet me in the bathroom. -(loud footsteps)
-Check this out-- a dead possum. -(hissing)
-Ay, caramba! -(loud footsteps)
♪ Then you came into my lonely days ♪
♪ With your tender love and sweet ways ♪
♪ Now, I don't know where you come from, baby ♪
Aw.
COMIC BOOK GUY: Including me. I shall be discreet in my tweets
but brutal in my blog.
JOEY: We made love in so many elevators.
And didn't the Easter Bunny himself say,
"Forgive them, Father, for finding all my eggs"?
And if a giant rabbit can lay chocolate eggs,
maybe you and Edna can find a way to make it work.