WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, IN HERE, OUT THERE, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
THE COUNTRY--
THE COUNTRY-- YOU CAN FEEL IT OUT THERE.
THE COUNTRY IS STILL STUNNED BY THE MASS THAT'SING THIS PAST
WEEKEND.
AND ONE OF THE DISHEARTENING ASPECTS OF THE AFTERMATH OF ONE
OF THESE TRAGEDIES IS HOW PREDICTABLE EVERY STAGE OF IT
WILL BE.
IT MAKES IT FEEL LIKE YOU'RE LIVING THE SAME TRAGEDY OVER AND
OVER AGAIN.
ONE OF THE STAGES OF THAT TRAGIC CYCLE IS THE PRESIDENT GOING TO
THE COMMUNITY SHATTERED BY THIS VIOLENCE.
FOR INSTANCE, TOMORROW, THE PRESIDENT IS GOING TO EL PASO.
BUT HERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT: THEY DON'T THINK HE SHOULD COME.
EL PASO'S CONGRESSWOMAN VERONICA ESCOBAR SAID THIS ON MSNBC:
>> FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, HE IS NOT WELCOME HERE.
HE SHOULD NOT COME HERE WHILE WE ARE IN MOURNING.
>> Stephen: IT REALLY SPEAKS TO YOUR LEADERSHIP WHEN A TOWN
IN MOURNING AN UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY THINKS YOU WOULD BRING
THE MOOD DOWN.
( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP'S HISTORY OF HATEFUL RHETORIC, HE SHOULD KNOW WHY
HE'S UNWELCOME.
>> I WOULD ENCOURAGE THE PRESIDENT'S STAFF MEMBERS TO
HAVE HIM DO A LITTLE SELF-REFLECTION.
>> Stephen: OH, I THINK HE DOES PLENTY OF SELF-REFLECTION.
(AS TRUMP) "MORNING, HANDSOME.
LOOKIN' FLESHY TODAY.
WHO'S GOT TWO THUMBS AND IS READY TO DEMONIZE SOME
IMMIGRANTS?
THIS GUY!"
SHE THINKS TRUMP IS PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SHOOTING
BECAUSE OF HIS RHETORIC.
AND IT'S NOT HELPING THAT THE EL PASO SHOOTING SUSPECT'S
MANIFESTO ECHOES TRUMP'S LANGUAGE.
THAT IS UPSETTING...
TO CALL WHAT TRUMP SPEAKS A LANGUAGE.
( LAUGHTER )
OFFICIAL WHO IS WELCOMING TRUMP TO THE CITY, EL PASO MAYOR DEE
MARGO.
WELL, WELCOMING, SORT OF.
>> THIS IS THE OFFICE OF THE MAYOR OF EL PASO IN AN OFFICIAL
CAPACITY, WELCOMING THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES, WHICH I CONSIDER IS MY FORMAL DUTY.
( LAUGHTER )
OBLIGATORY ENTHUSIASM.
I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT GUY'S WEDDING VOWS.
"I AM NOW ENTERING INTO THE FORMAL AND LEGAL ARRANGEMENT OF
MARRIAGE, WHEREBY I, THE OFFICE OF HUSBAND, TAKE YOU, THE OFFICE
OF WIFE, TO BE A BRIDE.
I WILL NOW TOUCH MY LIPS TO YOURS, WHICH I CONSIDER MY
FORMAL DUTY."
LAUGH NOW, THERE'S ANOTHER REASON--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I LOVE A WEDDING.
I LOVE A WEDDING >> Jon: OH, YEAH.
NICE TO SEE A NICE WEDDING.
>> Stephen: THERE'S ANOTHER REASON THIS VISIT IS GOING TO BE
A LITTLE AWKWARD.
TRUMP HELD A MAGA RALLY IN EL PASO BACK IN FEBRUARY, AND HE
STILL OWES THE CITY MORE THAN $470,000.
(AS TRUMP) "LOOK, IT IS TOO SOON AFTER THIS
TRAGEDY TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE GUN CONTROL OR THE MONEY
I OWE YOU.
( LAUGHTER )
ME NOT WANTING TO PAY YOU BACK."
IN FACT, DONAL TRUMP IS SO LATE IN PAYING BACK EL PASO THAT THE
CITY HAS ALSO IMPOSED LATE FEES, WHICH BRING THE BILL TO MORE
THAN $500,000.
WELL, SURE.
SURE.
IT'S THE VIG THAT GETS YOU.
DONNY, DONNY T.'S IN DEEP TO THE JUICE MAN.
I'D SAY TWO GUYS ARE GONNA COME BREAK HIS KNEECAPS, BUT I'M NOT
SURE THERE'S ANY MORE BONE LEFT.
AT THIS POINT, I THINK IT'S JUST MEAT AND MASCARPONE CHEESE DOWN
THERE.
MMM.
I COULD GO FOR A LITTLE.
I COULD GO FOR A LITTLE KNEECAP.
( APPLAUSE )
THEY SENT TRUMP MULTIPLE INVOICES SINCE THE EVENT AND
EVEN SENT HIM A LETTER: >> NOPE.
TRUMP FAMOUSLY DOESN'T PAY ANYBODY-- HE OWES $20,000 TO THE
LEAVE-A-PENNY, TAKE-A-PENNY INDUSTRY.
AND IT'S NOT LIKE HE DOESN'T HAVE THE CASH.
IN THE SECOND QUARTER THIS YEAR, TRUMP'S CAMPAIGN AND THE
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE RAISED $105 MILLION.
I MEAN, THE LAST TIME TRUMP MADE THAT KIND OF MONEY, HE GOT IT
FROM A SHADOWY DONOR KNOWN AS "DAD."
YESTERDAY--
♪ ♪ ♪ YESTERDAY, WE HEARD FROM SOMEONE
WHOSE NAME DOESN'T COME UP THAT OFTEN ANYMORE: 44th PRESIDENT
AND MAN THREE MINUTES INTO A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE WHOSE
NAME HE CAN'T REMEMBER, BARACK OBAMA.
NOW, IN THE WAKE, IN THE WAKE--
I KNOW.
>> Jon: CAN'T BEAT THAT.
>> Stephen: WOW.
Y'ALL REMEMBER HIM, I GUESS.
NOW, IN THE WAKE OF THIS WEEKEND'S TRAGEDIES, BARACK
OBAMA RELEASED A RARE STATEMENT, SAYING, "WE SHOULD SOUNDLY
REJECT LANGUAGE COMING OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF ANY OF OUR
LEADERS THAT FEEDS A CLIMATE OF FEAR AND HATRED OR NORMALIZES
RACIST SENTIMENTS.
AND IT'S TIME FOR THE OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF
AMERICANS OF GOODWILL, OF EVERY RACE AND FAITH AND POLITICAL
PARTY TO SAY AS MUCH CLEAR AND UNEQUIVOCALLY."
OH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU LEFT!
( LAUGHTER )
DO ANYMORE.
( VOICE BREAKING )
PAPA, COME BACK!
GAH!
I WAS BAD!
I'M SORRY!
DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THE BADMAN.
PLEASE COME BACK.
YOU CAN STILL SMOKE.
( LAUGHTER )
POLITICIAN BY NAME IN THE STATEMENT.
HMM, WHO COULD IT BE?
WELL, THE FRIENDLY FRIENDS OVER AT "FOX & HIS FRIENDS" HAVE A
PRETTY GOOD IDEA.
>> I GUESS HE IS TALKING ABOUT THE PRESIDENT TRUMP.
>> YA THINK?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: "YA THINK?" COME ON, DOOCY!
DON'T ACCUSE BRIAN KILMEADE OF THINKING.
IT'S MORE LIKE WHATEVER MENTAL ACTIVITY IS INVOLVED WHEN A LEAF
DECIDES TO FALL OFF A BRANCH.
KILMEADE WENT ON.
>> I'M JUST WONDERING, DID GEORGE BUSH EVER CONDEMN
PRESIDENT OBAMA AFTER SANDY HOOK?
DID PRESIDENT BUSH EVER COME AT-- HE HAD 32 SHOOTINGS OF FOUR
AND MORE MASS SHOOTINGS DURING HIS REIGN.
NOT MANY PEOPLE SAID, "WOW, IT'S THIS PRESIDENT.
PRESIDENT OBAMA IS OUT OF CONTROL."
>> Stephen: WAIT.
WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO OFFENDED?
OBAMA DID NOT SAY TRUMP WAS THE RACIST.
YOU JUST DID.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU'VE STATED A FACT ON CAMERA.
IT'S LIKE IF YOU SAID, "LOOK, IT'S TIME FOR SOMEONE TO STOP
TAKING DUMPS ON MY LAWN," AND YOUR NEIGHBOR GOES, "YOU CAN'T
PROVE I DID IT."
BUT TRUMP'S NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO ALL THIS STUFF.
HE'S TOO BUSY TARGETING THE REAL THREAT TO OUR DEMOCRACY: GOOGLE.
YESTERDAY, BOTH FOX NEWS AND FOX BUSINESS AIRED SEGMENTS SAYING
GOOGLE WAS BIASED AGAINST TRUMP.
SO TRUMP TWEETED, "I WATCHED KEVIN SERNEKEE, A GOOGLE
ENGINEER, SAY TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT WHAT THEY DID IN 2016 AND
THAT THEY WANT TO 'MAKE SURE THAT TRUMP LOSSES.'"
( LAUGHTER )
NO, IT'S TRUE.
IT'S SHOCKING, JON.
IT IS TERRIBLE.
THEY DO.
I'M TELLING YOU.
GOOGLE DOES TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME.
THEY WANT ME TO LOSS, BUT I'M NO LOSSER.
I'M GONNA WHINE, 'CAUSE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A WHINER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU'RE GOING TO GET SICK OF ALL THE WHINING."
HE WHINED ON, "LOU DOBBS STATED THAT THIS IS A FRAUD ON THE
AMERICAN PUBLIC.
@PeterSchweizer STATED WITH CERTAINTY THAT THEY SUPPRESSED
NEGATIVE STORIES ON HILLARY CLINTON, AND BOOSTED NEGATIVE
STORIES ON DONALD T-TUMP."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: IT DOESN'T REALLY-- DOESN'T...
>> Stephen: NOW, I WASN'T SURE WHO DONALD TUH-TUMP WAS, SO I
GOOGLED HIM, AND IT SAID WAS HE WAS A TUH-TORRIBLE TACIST WHO
SHOULDN'T BE PUHTESIDENT.