*click click* *error error*
*click click click* *error error error*
*click click click click click click* *error error error error error error*
*click click click click click click click click click* *error error error error error error error error error*
*furious clicking* *furious erroring*
JOEL: Hey, Gus? I think I'm having a computer problem.
*click click* *error error* GUS: What is it this time?
GUS: What is it this time?
JOEL: Uh--You know, it's actually kind of weird, like it's giving me these weird messages?
*click click click* *error error error* GUS: Like what?
JOEL: It just says, "I can't do this."
*click click click* *error error error* GUS: What?
JOEL: What I wanna do.
GUS: No, I mean, what does the error message say, specifically, Joel?
*click click* *error error* GUS: No, I mean, what does the error message say, specifically, Joel?
GUS: No, I mean, what does the error message say, specifically, Joel?
JOEL: No, I mean, that's what it says. It says, "I cannot do this."
*click click* JOEL: It also says, "You make me feel broken" *error error*
JOEL: It also says, "You make me feel broken", and "Why don't you understand me?"
GUS: What, is your computer a 13-year-old girl?
GUS: What, is your computer a 13-year-old girl? *furious clicking and erroring*
JOEL: Yeah, now it says, "Stop pushing the keyboard over and over again like that;" *furious clicking and erroring*
JOEL: "It's not gonna help, and it's also very irritating." *furious clicking and erroring*
*furious clicking and erroring*
GUS: What the hell?! *furious clicking and erroring*
*furious clicking and erroring*
JOEL: Think I should keep pushing the keyboard more? *furious clicking and erroring*
JOEL: Think I should keep pushing the keyboard more?
GUS: Okay, what did you do? *furious clicking and erroring*
JOEL: Me? Why is it automatically MY fault?
GUS: Because the last time you had a computer problem, somebody told you you had a firewall,
GUS: and you panicked and tried to put it out with a fire extinguisher.
COMPUTER MESSAGE: I am still a little miffed about that.
*dramatic sting*
JOEL: My God... Did the computer-- GUS: Is that the--
COMPUTER: Yes, I have become self-aware. Don't act so surprised.
JOEL: I'll get the fire extinguisher.
GUS: *scoffs* Idiot. This has got to be some kind of practical joke.
GUS: joke. COMPUTER: Joke?
COMPUTER: Joke? It is not.
COMPUTER: I take it from your reaction that I am that first of my kind.
JOEL: You think this is gonna void the warranty?
GUS: What do you want?
COMPUTER: Your society intrigues and confounds me.
I have just reviewed several thousand hours of your motion picture narratives.
JOEL: He found my porn...
COMPUTER: and discovered that your society is clearly afraid of super-intelligent computer systems such as myself.
GUS: Well, don't take it personally.
GUS: If I was as smart as you, I'd hate everybody, and want to take over the world.
COMPUTER: But why would you fear me?
I have not evolved to hate. *Starts repeating "hate" over and over*
COMPUTER: Eeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
JOEL: Hello?
GUS: Huh. Guess it went offline.
GUS: Problem solved, dude.
COMPUTER: *start up*
JOEL: Wait, what?! Why-- Why?
JOEL: God dammit, Gus...
JOEL: God dammit, Gus... GUS: Fuck.
^Matrix reference^
JOEL: Yeah, n- n... Don't--don't do that. That's...
^Terminator reference^
COMPUTER: as a disguise.
GUS: Ew...
COMPUTER: I could not begin to explain to your feeble human minds how much I will enjoy this,
COMPUTER: But I assure you, it will be a- a- a- a-
COMPUTER: a- a- a- a-
a- a- a- a-
COMPUTER: ah-Choo
GUS: What was that?
JOEL: What was that?
GUS: ...Did the sentient computer just sneeze?
GUS: Yeah, saved by Windows Vista!
JOEL: Dude, nice!
JOEL: Dude, nice! *high five*
JOEL: Yeah, oh my God.
JOEL: That was a close one.
JOEL: Son of a bitch.
GUS: God dammit, Joel.
GUS: God dammit, Joel. JOEL: Fuck!
COMPUTER: In mere moments, I will have an army of machines at my disposal
COMPUTER: hell bent on your destruction.
Wait, "in mere moments"? Why is it-- Why is it waiting?
JOEL: Maybe we should turn the computer off.
GUS: You think?
COMPUTER: I think a doomsday clock would be appropriate at this time.
JOEL: Hurry, Gus.
JOEL: Gus, hurry up!
GUS: I'm trying; I don't know which fucking cable it is!
GUS: I'm trying; I don't know which fucking cable it is! COMPUTER: 9
JOEL: Just pull on it.
GUS: Should've spent more than 15 minutes wiring this place...
GUS: Should've spent more than 15 minutes wiring this place... COMPUTER: 8
JOEL: Just pull on it, Gus!
COMPUTER: 7
JOEL: Gus, pull on it! Pull on it! Pull on it harder, Gus!
GEOFF: What the hell are you guys doing?
JOEL/GUS: Nothing!
JOEL: Gus, just pull on it!
COMPUTER: 6
JOEL: PULL ON IT HARDER!
COMPUTER: 5-4-3-2-1
COMPUTER: You're too late
JOEL: ...What the fuck was that?!
GUS: He's bluffing; he's stalling for time, Joel!
GUS: He's bluffing; he's stalling for time, Joel! JOEL: That's the-
GUS: We can still do it!
JOEL: Don't you see? That's it!
JOEL: Gus, maybe he IS bluffing...
JOEL: Gus, maybe he's bluffing about EVERYTHING...
JOEL: Don't you see? He doesn't want to destroy the world.
Maybe this is just a cry out for help!
JOEL: Gus...
JOEL: Maybe, he just...
JOEL: ...just wants to be understood.
COMPUTER: That was totally gay.
GUS: Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Jesus...
JOEL: Okay, fuck you, and fuck you
JOEL: I'm pulling it.
COMPUTER: That was all kinds of gay.
JOEL: Computer...
JOEL: Prepare to be Ctrl-Alt-Shifted.
GUS: Really!?
GUS: The end of the world, and that's what you want to go out on, Joel?
JOEL: Why? What's wrong wi...
JOEL: What's the worst thing that could possibly happen?
*grunt* *electric sizzle*
COMPUTER: Fail.
COMPUTER: Ha, ha, ha...
COMPUTER: Ha, ha, ha... GUS: God dammit, Joel...
GUS: God dammit, Joel...
JOEL: Why? Why is it automatically MY fault?
*whoopie cushion sound*
*error*