- Do you wanna know what is the one thing
that hurt Jennifer Lopez the most in her divorce?
Stay tuned and I'm gonna tell you right now.
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Okay, let's talk about J-Lo.
Poor J-Lo, I mean she's had so much success
in her professional life.
I mean, unbelievable, she's blessed with beauty,
brains apparently, lots and lots of talent apparently,
all these wonderful things are happening to her
but she just can't seem to get happiness
in her personal life can she?
I mean the poor girl, she's been married
at least three times.
She's had lots and lots of relationships
with high profile people, including Ben Affleck, and A Rod
and nothing ever seems
to really work out for her now does it?
And she's got these two beautiful twins of course,
but you know, her marriage to Mark Anthony ended in 2011
she had the twins in 2008, which means
that they were only three years old when she ended up
getting a divorce from Mark Anthony.
So her children probably don't even remember
the parents being married or if they do,
very scattered memories of it.
And while she seems to be on pretty good terms
with Mark Anthony today,
I know that it was not always the greatest.
It wasn't always like that.
And I'm gonna tell you more about that coming up here,
just based on some of the quotes from her own interviews.
So, you know, divorce is never easy,
especially when you have children
and it's even worse when you're trying
to do it in the public, in the limelight.
And you, Jennifer Lopez grew up in a family apparently,
where divorce wasn't necessarily a thing,
where she really, really wanted to keep it together
for her children,
because that's how she was raised apparently.
She actually said, and I quote, when I married Marc,
having already been through the disappointment
of two divorces and a broken engagement,
I wanted so much for our marriage to be it.
But there seemed to be a number
of reasons why it didn't work.
For one thing, during the marriage,
Jennifer's career was going up on the rise
and Marc Anthony's career was either stagnating
or maybe even not.
So that maybe that's a nice way of putting it, stagnating,
maybe it wasn't even stagnating.
Maybe it was actually going downhill
but her star was clearly on the rise.
I mean, during the marriage, she had many hit singles,
his hit singles were pretty scarce.
She was starring on American Idol.
She was on the cover of tons of magazines.
She was in movies and apparently,
he was kind of jealous of her success.
He wasn't really necessarily supportive of her
and maybe even resented her success.
She has stated in an interview in the midst of all
of this excitement and outpouring of appreciation and love,
the bubble was burst with three simple words.
I'm not happy.
Marc was in the middle of venting to me
about things between us that had been bothering him.
I was just sitting there trying to figure out
where he was going with it.
There were also reports that he wasn't necessarily faithful
to her and I consider abuse, addiction and adultery,
the three A's to be the three deadly sins of marriage
because those are the three things that really attack
the integrity of the foundation of a relationship.
And if you wanna know more about that,
definitely check out my video on that topic
on the three deadly sins of marriage, for sure.
So all of this eventually eroded at her self esteem
and she actually stated in an interview,
that in her late thirties, which would have been
about the time that she was going through this divorce,
she really was struggling with her self esteem at the time.
And she was going through therapy
and the topic of self-love came up
and she said there was a lot of talk about loving yourself.
And I was like, I love myself, but obviously,
doing all of these things in my personal relationships,
that didn't seem like I was loving myself,
I didn't understand the concept of it.
It took time, it's a journey
and it's still a journey for me.
And if you just agree with her, like it's just a journey,
we're all trying to make it, right.
We can all do this, we're all gonna do this together.
We're all in this together.
So give me a, we're all in this together.
Just quote me down below, give me that in the chat below.
Okay, so I always say
that leaving somebody is a sole decision.
It certainly seems like that was the case for Jennifer,
given her determination to try to make the marriage work.
She really, really wanted it to work.
So what was the most hurtful thing?
The thing that hurt her the most in her divorce
from Marc Anthony, I would definitely say it was the fact
that she had to divorce at all that she had to admit
that her marriage had failed,
because that was the one thing
she really didn't wanna happen.
She wanted her kids to up with two parents.
And you know, I think that she thought
that she and Marc Anthony had a similar background
and that he was definitely going to be the one,
that he was definitely going to be it, but you know what?
She started dating him on the heels
of the whole breakup with Ben Affleck.
And I think that there was a lot going on.
And when you're entering into a relationship,
I think it can be extremely difficult
when you're still trying to get over a past relationship.
So if that's you, then definitely give yourself some space
and some time so that you can clear that negative energy
before you bring in somebody new into the relationship.
And you know, when you're negotiating new relationships,
when you're negotiating with narcissists,
it can be very traumatic
and you need to give yourself time to heal.
And if you wanna know more about healing,
definitely check out my video on self-care
to cope with narcissists because that will help you as well.
So I think that the thing that hurt her the most
was definitely the fact that she had to divorce at all.
And sometimes that happens with all of us.
You know, you come to an end of a relationship
that you really were hoping was going to work,
it's like a death.
I mean, it's a death of a dream,
a death of what you thought was going to happen
and learning how to replace that
with new thoughts and a new life and new people in it,
that's how you end up creating something better.
And you know, I will just say,
when bad things happen to you, you have to learn from them.
Otherwise they're just bad things that happen to you, right?
They're just crap that came your way
and that's just completely unacceptable.
You want it to actually mean something.
You want it to have a purpose.
So look at those things
and have them have a purpose for you.
Whether it's end of a business relationship, a friendship
or a romantic relationship, you can always learn something,
with every goodbye, you definitely learn.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate with anyone,
including narcissists or toxic personalities,
make sure to grab my free,
Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet at winmynegotiation.com.
And if you like this video, give it a like,
give it a share, drop me the comment,
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That's Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
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I'm Rebecca Zung and I'll see you in the next video.