So one day you're minding your own business navigating the Kessel Run, which some braggart
claims to have done in only “twelve parsecs”.
You scoff, remembering that a parsec is a unit of distance, not time, when suddenly
your ship powers down and a boarding party is beating down the outside hatch.
From swirling mists steps forth an imposing figure clad in all black armor with a floor-length
black cape- a serious fashion faux pas.
You feel a strange force tighten around your throat though as the figure extends a gloved
hand towards you, and suddenly you realize that you're knee-deep in Chewbacca litter,
because you're facing down the original dark sith himself.
Hello and welcome to another You Versus episode of The Infographics Show- today we're pitting
you, the average Joe, up against Darth Vader.
Darth Vader was born Anakin Skywalker, a slave on his native Tatoonie owned by a junk dealer.
One day a Jedi Knight came to his shop looking for parts to repair his starship, but the
parts proved too expensive for the Jedi and his companions to afford.
Anakin then did the only logical thing one would do in that scenario, and entered into
an extremely dangerous pod race as a seven year old child so that he could give the winnings
to this strange Jedi instead of using them to free himself and his mother.
Sensing that the Force was strong in the young child, Anakin was freed from his slave master
to be raised as a Jedi, while his mother was left behind to languish in forced labor until
the day she died.
Sensing fear within him though, and thus susceptibility to the Dark side, Anakin was denied training
as an official Jedi, but master Jedi Qui-Gon decided to doom the rest of the galaxy by
asking as a dying wish that the Jedi Council rethink their decision.
Anakin would go on to further prove he was a terrible candidate for the powers and responsibilities
of a Jedi by falling in love with Princess Padme as a young man.
One day he sensed his mother- whom by the way no one had bothered to try and rescue
from slavery yet- was in terrible pain and he returned to Tatooine, defying his master,
Obi-Wan's orders to not go.
There he found his mother had been kidnapped by sand people and was killed in the rescue
attempt, which drove Anakin to go full-on Shaggy at power level 100 and murder everyone.
Despite yet another obvious character flaw that made him a terrible candidate to be a
Jedi- this time mass murder- the Jedi Council decided it'd be a pretty good idea to go ahead
and not just allow him to continue training as a Jedi, but to give him a padowan.
To the surprise of absolutely nobody except the Jedi Council, Anakin would go on to give
in to the dark side when Senator Palpatine revealed himself to be one of the last remaining
sith lords.
As one of his first acts in service to the dark side, Anakin would go on to murder a
bunch of kids hoping to be Jedis one day, a point very quickly glossed over by the official
films.
Anakin would go on to duel his old master Obi-Wan, who would defeat and maim him but
once more doom the entire galaxy by not finishing the job.
Badly burned by lava and seriously wounded, Anakin was rescued by the new Emperor, who
nursed him back to health and outfitted him with a slick set of black armor.
Thus Anakin became Darth Vader, the second most powerful sith lord in the universe.
So you're up against the mass-child murdering dark sith lord himself, how are you possibly
going to survive this?
As usual first we need to evaluate just what exactly you're going to be dealing with here.
A natural pilot, Darth Vader is one of the best fighter pilots in the galaxy and is able
to use a form of precognition to actually predict the movements of his enemy.
Whether this is an extent of the Force that somehow allows Vader to glimpse just a few
moments into the future is not likely, as Vader does not showcase the same abilities
in lightsaber duels.
It's likely that Vader is simply an exceptional pilot with exceptional reflexes, and can accurately
predict what an opponent would do in real life based on the current situation.
Vader is also a very talented engineer, a natural prodigy as a child who built advanced
robots from the ground up.
Vader would go on to design his own advanced TIE fighter and after the destruction of the
first Death Star, went on to personally oversee the construction of the second Death Star-
which we assume was much like the first Death Star with the exception of the addition of
a single exhaust port cover.
Vader is also an extremely skilled duelist with the lightsaber, honing a natural talent
by dueling individual Jedis during the Purge that saw the Jedi order brought to the very
brink of extinction.
Because lasers travel even slower than bullets in the Star Wars universe, Vader is practically
impossible to kill with a laser blaster, whirling his lightsaber expertly to deflect incoming
fire.
His greatest power however comes from his great mastery of the Force, and before his
injuries suffered at the hands of Obi-wan it was thought that he possessed already as
much as four fifths of the Emperor's power.
Luckily though the prosthetic limbs he uses as well as the bodily harm suffered limits
his power over the Force, as it means his body stores much less mytochlorians than if
he was fully limbed.
He is still quite a powerful master of the Force though, able to use force push, force
repulse, force grapple, and his favorite: the force choke, mastering this latter technique
to a degree greater than any sith lord before him.
Because of his prosthetics though Vader is not able to use the fabled force lightning,
and is in fact very vulnerable to it himself due to all the hardware that keeps him alive.
So you're up against an emotionally tortured former Jedi with robot limbs and the ability
to choke you to death from across the room, how in the world are you going to beat him?
First you have to accept that Vader has pretty much no physical weaknesses.
His limbs have been almost completely replaced with robotic prosthetics, so if it wasn't
bad enough that he wields all kinds of crazy force powers, he is also pretty much super
strong to boot.
His armor also makes him impervious to small arms fire, and even resists laser blasts and
gives some limited protection from explosives.
His helmeted visor may limit his field of view, but his situational awareness is greatly
enhanced by his mastery of the force, so forget about trying to get the jump on him.
Lastly, because of how much of his body has been replaced with machinery, it's just plain
hard to actually hurt Vader, as you're more likely to hit something that's either machine
or being kept alive by machines.
In short, Vader is one tough cookie.
Luckily for you, you're not facing Vader in the Star Wars galaxy, you're facing Vader
right here at home in the Milky Way.
Due to some unknown property of physics in the Star Wars galaxy, lasers actually travel
slower than bullets- and makes them incredibly easy to deflect with Vader's lightsaber.
Fortunately here in the Milky Way we obey the laws of physics, so your first weapon
against vader is going to be, you guessed it, a laser.
Not just any laser though, but the US Navy's AN/SEQ-3 Laser Weapon system, otherwise known
as Laws.
In service since 2014, the Laws features a variable yield mode which enables it to fire
with low enough energy to serve as a deterrent weapon meant to temporarily blind personnel,
or at high energy outputs which allow it to burn through the engine of a small boat in
two seconds flat.
The weapon can also be used to protect from UAVs and helicopters, incinerating vital components
in seconds and destroying the threat.
Operated via computer, the Laws features automatic target tracking and acquisition, only requiring
a human to give it the go-ahead.
At home, Vader may be able to deflect laser blasts traveling at thirty miles an hour,
but we'd like to see him try that trick with a thirty thousand watt laser traveling at
the speed of light.
Attempting to block the Laws with his lightsaber will be hilarious to watch as seconds later
his robotic armor begins to melt around him.
But fine, Vader is a master of the force and so he could conceivably destroy the laser
immediately after it activates from afar- the Laws does feature some pretty delicate
optics after all which wouldn't require much Force to shatter.
That's ok, because you brought a friend.
Featuring three pounds of high explosive laced with steel pellets, the M18 claymore mine
is an old favorite of ours here at The Infographics Show.
When it comes to taking down bad guys, there's few better options than filling the air with
dozens of steel projectiles traveling just shy of the speed of sound.
Able to reach out to 100 meters and with the ability to knock out even lightly armored
vehicles, the Claymore is a terrifying weapon you never want to be on the wrong side of,
and luckily for the dunces of the world it even features the words Front Toward Enemy
written across its surface.
Showering Vader with dozens of extremely high speed steel balls is going to very quickly
turn the sith lord in to swiss cheese, no matter how futuristic his body armor.
However, we're willing to concede that Vader's mastery of the Force might just be enough
to protect himself, perhaps by carving out a small pocket of protection for himself amidst
the incoming high-velocity death.
That's why you want to use the two weapons in conjunction with each other, making sure
that his attention is never truly free enough to handle both threats at once- or just immediately
force choke you to death.
Maybe, just maybe though Vader is powerful enough to overcome even these two simultaneous
threats- that's ok, because we have a backup plan.
See vader may be more man than machine, but what man is left of him is a huge emotional
wreck.
He is well known to be an overly emotional fighter, often losing control to his anger
such as when he was testing Luke in order to recruit him, only to completely lose his
cool when Luke managed to land a glancing blow and respond by cutting Luke's hand off.
Vader's crippling emotional vulnerabilities actually make this less than a fair fight,
and to win all you have to do is make Vader lose his cool and throw him into a murderous
rage.
We suggest coming up with some choice insults based on his dead wife, or perhaps you want
to remind him of how powerless he was to save his slave mother from death.
Either way, Vader is going to completely blow his top and come after you in full murder
mode, not content to simply force choke you to death but eager to carve you up with his
lightsaber.
Overcome by grief and anger both, that's when you spring your trap and deliver seven hundred
3.2 millimeter steel balls traveling at 1200 meters a second straight into Vader's face.
Vader may be a formidable opponent, but in the end he's easily overcome by a realistic
application of the laws of physics and some schoolyard taunting both.
Should Vader ever take his mental health seriously and seek out counseling though, this death
match may very quickly go the other way around.
Luckily for us and the galaxy, the Empire's medical insurance plans seem to not cover
basic grief and trauma counseling.
How would you defeat Darth Vader?
Be sure to check out our other video You vs Babadook - How would you defeat him!
Thanks for watching, and as always, don’t forget to like, share and subscribe.
See you next time.