Not everybody has their own microwave laboratory named after them.
Jory: But if you do...
You still shouldn't try this at home!
Jory: (in Vince accent throughout intro) Hello, and welcome to "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.
Riley: (also in Vince accent throughout intro) And I'm your wowin' sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
We're gonna be microwaving these ShamWows. They're made in Germany, so you know they work real good!
Ooh! You followin' this, camera guy? You followin' this stuff? You followin' this? Oh, oh, oh! Where's it goin'? Where's it goin'?
Jon: Oh! Where'd it go?
Riley: Where's it goin'? Oh, oh, oh! See? Super absorbent towels!
You've got dishes, counters, baths, kids, dead hookers? We've got 'em all!
Jory: POW!
Riley: Get it with the ShamWow! ShamWow!
Jory: POW! You get two punches for free!
Riley: Buy one, get the second one full price!
Jory: Maybe not! I don't know!
*theme song plays*
Jory: It smells like victory!
Jory: All hands to the deck!
Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory: Let's get outta here!
Jory: Ventilation is key!
Jon: What're you doing?! Put that out!
Jory: The masks- they do nothing!
Riley: (muffled) Be careful!
Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!
Jon: Does it still work?
Jory: You're dumb!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Jory and Riley: 2.8!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory 2.8, safety is, you know...
Riley: No!
So, uh, that's why we have... Oh! This looks like a new microwave to me!
Jon: Yeah, Margaret died unexpectedly after the smoke bombs in the last episode.
Jory: We'll just call this one "Margaret II"! Why? It's easier that way for me, so... I mean, her name ISN'T "Margaret", but we're just gonna CALL her "Margaret"!
Riley: (in exaggerated Boston accent) Margaret?
Jory: So, uh, we have these ShamWows. One's gonna be wet, one's gonna be dry. They're donated by Travis Rumo.
Jory: Hey, guys, has this ever happened to you? (spills water) Whoops! Oh, oh!
Riley: Oh, no!
Jory: Oh, no! How am I gonna pick that up?
Riley: Oh, I know- ShamWow!
Jory: Check it! You followin' this, camera guy? You followin' this, camera guy?
Jon: Yes, yes, I am!
Jory: Are you still followin' it, camera guy?
Jon: Please don't underestimate my abilities as a cameraman!
Jory: Are you still...? But are you still followin' this, camera guy? Look at this!
Jon: You're insulting me!
Jory: Look at this! (in Vince accent) The other half is right here!
Jon: You just got the floor wet! That did nothing!
Jory: (in Vince accent) But the other half is right there!
Jory: Okay, so in goes the ShamWow, damp AND dry, packaging and all! Why? Because we want you guys to have the full experience!
Jon: WOW!
Jory: How long is that goin' in there for?
Jon: You'll be saying "wow" every time!
Jory: "Wow"? That almost sounds like 8:08!
*futuristic whooshing sound*
Jon: Go, go, go!
Riley: Oh, look at that! Nothing's happening...
Jon: Hey, guys, why isn't Margaret II spinning?
Riley: I think it's just stuck.
Jory: Oh, they're just stuck up against the wall.
Jon: So, the plate IS spinning?
Jory: Yeah, she's a little stuck-up!
Jon: Alright.
Riley: It's kinda that way when you just hold a hooker up against the wall before you kill them. They don't really move.
Jory: Yeah, they can't really move.
Jon: I hear ya, man. We've all been there, I think!
Jory: (muffled through mask) I love these masks!
Jory: 'Cause they do everything! You know what's NOT doing anything, though?
Jon: ShamWow!
Jory: ShamWow!
Riley: This is ShamBoring!
Jory: (singing) You'll be sayin'... (unenthusiastically) "hey"...
Jon: Give it 18 more seconds to improve its chamois-ness!
Jory: Guys, you ready? Count down with me!
Jon: Alright!
Jory: And...
Jory and Riley: 10...
Jon: 9...
Jory and Riley: 9...
Jon: 7...
Jory and Riley: 8...
Jon: 4...
Jory and Riley: 7...
Jon: 3...
Jory and Riley: 6...
Jon: 6...
Jory and Riley: 5...
Jon: 5...
Jory and Riley: 4...
Jon: 3...
Jory and Riley: 3...
Jon: 1...
Jory and Riley: 2...
Jon: 2...
Jory and Riley: 1...
*Jory farts*
Jon: (to Jory) You farted!
Jory: Yeah, I did! Let's go in there!
Riley: Oh, that's an interesting smell.
Jon: Oh, the plastic's melted, that's for sure.
Riley: A hot cloth?
Jon: How is it, Jory?
Jory: This is what they give to you on an airplane.
Jon: Airplanes. This is like an airplane cloth. How is it?
Jory: It's decent.
Jory: (mimicking an airplane traveler) "Oh, okay, now the meal's comin'!" You know?
Riley: Ooh!
Jory: I think someone already used this!
Jon: They used it to what? Wipe their ass with it?!
Jory: Guys, it's art! You usually CAN'T rip it, but, when it's microwaved, you CAN! You may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave a ShamWow?
Absolutely, because it doesn't really do anything! It's warm, and then, you can clean the microwave with it. So, it's like a preemptive warming cycle!
Riley: (to Jon) Yeah, put a "wow" with a question mark!
Jory and Riley: Wow?
Riley: A "'wow?' idea"?
That's about it for this episode of...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your wow-a-ful sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
*end credits play*
Riley: (in singsong) ShamWow!
Jory: We have to do that over.
Riley: Yeah, I agree.
Jory: (remembers line) Oh! "Are you followin' this, camera guy?"
Riley: No! "Are you followin' this, camera guy?" Literally!
Jory: "Are you followin' this, camera guy?"
*Click on episode #196 to see why microwaved Mighty Putty is "mighty f*cking disgusting"!*