Being ghosted can be incredibly painful and heart-wrenching.
It leaves you feeling confused, angry, like you have no idea what happened.
You were texting, you were planning dates, spending long nights walking, and talking -
And all of a sudden, there's nothing. They just disappear.
And your brain does what normal brains do – it ruminates. Where did I go wrong?
What did I say? Was I not interested enough? Did they think I didn't care?
Today on Reaction Reset, we’re talking about how to move forward after being ghosted.
If you’re unfamiliar with ghosting, it’s when somebody you're with just disappears.
Usually it happens in the online dating world. In other words, when I say disappear.
They just cut off all communication. You could have been texting all the time, planning dates - you could have been to bring them to meet your parents.
And all of a sudden everything goes blank. There is no word from them, no communication, you cannot get a hold of them.
And, so, the destructive part of that is that there's absolutely no closure.
As a psychologist I will tell you, the most important part of ending a relationship is getting closure.
With ghosting, there is none. So you can never really emotionally heal that gap.
You have to fill it in for yourself. This makes it very difficult to move into a new relationship.
If you’ve been ghosted, you’re not the first or only person. I’m going to go through 5
ways to move on despite the lack of closure and then move forward into a new and healthy relationship
First of all, if you’re unsure whether or not you’ve been ghosted, it's important to
send one last text or way of communication asking them what happened.
Why did they disappear? This is important because we're looking for their response.
I mean, they may have honestly been caught up in something. They may have been, you know.
not the greatest person to let you know, but at the same time they may genuinely
feel bad about it and want to make it up. If there is a vague answer at all, you'll know perfectly well where you stand
and that person's character - or lack thereof - and it will help you in moving forward.
Secondly, feel the anger and sadness in order to move forward. It's very important that you don't deny how you're feeling right now.
Talk to a friend, journal, cry about it, you could get a counselor and talk to them about it.
In order to heal and move forward, you need to get this out of your system and make it know. As you talk about it
with other people you're going to find some lessons learned. One of those lessons you learn is that
not everyone is ready or emotionally mature enough for a relationship, and
secondly, not everyone comes from healthy places when they begin a relationship. Maybe the ghoster fit one of those.
Remind yourself it’s not about you…it’s about them.
This person wasn't capable of dealing with a relationship. I mean, at the end of the day,
You didn't do anything to cause this. It's about them. The person that disappeared wasn't able to make the sacrifices they needed to make for a healthy relationship.
Personal fears are the main issue that people ghost other people.
They aren't able to deal with their personal fears or vulnerabilities.
and so rather than confront them and work through them with you, they decide to disappear.
Fourthly, make a conscious decision to choose happiness over despair at being ghosted.
You were a whole person before you met this person that ghosted you.
So reinvest again into yourself.
You know, maybe you always wanted to run a marathon or half-marathon, or take a trip somewhere.
This is the time to put your personal interests in front and let the other person go. Whatever their reasons were they weren't about you.
Finally, let go of having to know the full story. I mean, in most relationships there are many things we don't understand.
and you're never going to understand fully why the ghoster ghosted you.
But know this, that ghoster has a story and it will keep resurfacing - maybe with other people - until they deal with it.
Let go of having to take on their baggage. It's theirs - let them take it.
The problem that I've seen with ghosters in relationships is that they usually come back to haunt you.
But they don't come back right away. They wait until your life is really well and you're on a healthy pattern and then they come back again.
I would advise you, don’t get manipulated into their story - whatever it is. Rather, be a mentor of emotional maturity.
Be direct with them. Be kind. But just tell them - hey listen, I've moved on and I don't want this anymore. And wish them well.
Remember, change your reaction, change your world.