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(holiday music)
- Hello everyone and welcome to another festive instalment
of "Pretentious Ingredients."
- Now today, Mike has played head elf
and has bought a whole bunch
of potentially pretentious Christmas ingredients.
And Barry and I are gonna jump in and out
to try them, taste them, review them
and see what we think.
- I'm feeling festive and I'm always pretentious.
So I'm ready.
(men laugh)
- Okay, Bazzle, lift the cloche.
- Merry Christmas.
Whoa, lovely packaging.
I have to acknowledge there's a 50p pence next to it.
- Absolutely correct.
- What I'm seeing here
is a Fortnum & Mason Dark Chocolate Caviar.
- Caviar being the eggs of sturgeon, right?
- Ingredients.
There's no fish.
(Barry laughs)
There's no fish in that.
- So I think Fortnum & Mason are talking about caviar
in terms of their structural properties,
not their ingredient properties.
Now before you open that,
this is the instructions from Fortnum & Mason themselves.
"To open the tin, simply take a 50-pence piece,
twist, and pop the lid open."
- Thank you very much.
- [Ben] I think what's the real shame here,
it's a bit -
Oh, there you go.
That was easy, wasn't it?
Caviar or sheep droppings?
(men laugh)
- I'm a little bit disappointed by that.
- I was expecting tiny little chocolate globdjules.
- Pardon?
- Well, like -
- That's a new festive word.
- Barry's festive globdjules. - Oh dear.
- While you tuck in, let me tell you about these.
"These are a very happy marriage
of two of life's great gastronomic luxuries,
chocolate and caviar.
Crafted from Acticoa dark chocolate,
Fortnum's dark chocolate caviar
is high in naturally-occurring cocoa flavanols,
an exceptional blend of health-supporting super-nutrients
that help maintain the elasticity of blood vessels."
- Oh (bleep).
- Correct, but not for Christmas.
- 'Cause they're really shiny,
I thought they'd have a crunchy outside.
Turns out it's just, I'm going to say it again,
a globdjule of chocolate.
It's a more solid truffle.
- Send a couple over here.
- And I'm gonna be honest.
I'm disappointed by not only the fact
they're not small caviar pieces,
also I don't think they taste very good.
- Bon appetit.
- Yeah.
- I'm left a bit underwhelmed.
- I don't think that's the best dark chocolate
of what I would associate.
I think it's probably more of a novelty.
However, that is trying to deliver something
that isn't chocolate to make you feel good.
That's trying to deliver chocolate
that's full of all the good things.
And it's a different job.
- Well, Baz, I mean, you've eaten them on their own
and it doesn't feel like they wowed you.
But what if we serve them
in their natural caviar environment?
- What?
- So it's a pretentious ingredient,
it's caviar.
We thought we'd knock you up - - Oh my goodness.
- A delicious pancake topped with whipped cream
and the chocolate caviar.
See if we could change your mind when served
as a canapé.
- That is a hell of a canapé.
- It's a big 'un, isn't it?
- This seems ridiculous, but sure.
- He's full of Christmas joy today,
isn't he? - Oh, some real.
- Presumably a sweetened cream?
- Yeah, that masks the flavour of the chocolate, why not?
- I'd've said fun.
- If you wanted to tick the fun box
which you're so desperate to tick at the moment,
then make it
more like caviar. - Not like it's
Christmas or anything.
- Make it, make it really, really tiny.
Really, really silly.
Maybe "globdjules of chocolate" would be more joyous.
- Maybe serve it on something silly for a laugh.
No, no, that's not funny.
- It's a stocking filler and no more.
- And what would you speculate that price tag to be?
I actually - - 80 grammes?
- Yeah.
- 80 grammes, 80 grammes of chocolate!
You know what?
I wouldn't be surprised if that's a tenner.
- Add 95p to the price, and you're bang on.
10 pounds 95 for the tin.
- Pretentious.
- [Mike] Okay
- I've decided.
- The Grinch has spoken.
- Ben, please turn around and lift the cloche.
(suspenseful music)
- My balls are bigger than yours.
- Unnecessary.
- Right?
- Unnecessary.
(Mike groans)
- What I'd like you to do actually
is take the lid off without looking at what they are.
Why don't you grab one, smell one, look at it, sniff it,
then tell me what it tastes like.
- Like a copper rose gold-y kind of effect.
Can't smell anything.
- No?
Ooh, what are you getting?
- It's like a chocolaty shell.
- Oh, it's not obvious, then.
- But it's got a real chew in the middle.
It's a little salty, licorice chew with chocolate caramel.
It's a cross between, here's another tight reference,
a Galaxy Bar, that kind of chocolate and caramel.
- [Mike] Yeah.
- With Dolly Allsorts, which is the licorice allsorts,
and it's the black licorice part of that.
Combine those two, spray in copper or rose gold,
and they're lovely.
Oh!
- [Barry] Well, that's something I would -
- Seamless.
(Mike and Barry laugh)
- [Mike] You're absolutely right.
These are classic salt-and-caramel-coated licorice
by Lakrids by Bulow.
"Lakrids, Lakrids classic medley of melty-soft licorice
smooth dulce chocolate, and crispy sea salt
is the perfect sweet and savoury combination."
Do you get that sweet, savoury taste?
Does it work?
- For like Scandinavia and Iceland,
it's a big flavour combination,
in the same way that licorice and coffee can be.
It's really, really delicious.
I love that.
- I feel like we need to try those.
- Please! - Yeah.
- Cheers.
- Whoa.
Right, it's delicious.
- It keeps evolving, doesn't it, as well?
- You really get salted caramel coming through.
- I'm not a massive licorice fan
but that makes it a lot easier to enjoy.
- I think these would be beautiful to finish
on top of some Christmas cupcakes
or little things you've made.
So you actually use them as the decoration
or, unlike the last one where the tin was its novelty
and its presentation case,
these, I would tip out into a nice thing
and put on a coffee table
but just out of reach of wherever you're sat
because they're very more-ish
and otherwise you would eat them all.
- You like 'em, I like 'em.
Barry?
- I really like them.
- Barry likes them!
They must be good.
Let's guess price.
See if we can change your mind.
- Okay, so we're looking at 300 grammes.
So three and a half times as much chocolate as yours
which would put it at about 30 or 40 quid on the equivalent.
I'm going to halve that and say 15 pounds.
- Would you be willing to pay 15 pounds for those?
- I wouldn't think twice about buying a pot of those
if it was maybe 12 quid.
- 15 pounds 95, does that change your mind?
- It's what I expected.
And I don't think I would pick them up at that price
because in my head I'm not really sure
about this combination of salted caramel and licorice.
Having tried them, yes, I would.
- Sounds like a resounding success
from Ebbers. - Yeah.
- So, pretentious or not?
- I don't think they're pretentious,
'cause they're not trying to be anything they're not.
Not pretentious.
- Moral of the story is,
you can cover something in rose gold
and it not be pretentious.
- That is remarkable.
(dramatic music)
(applause)
(holiday music)
- Feels to me like a particular store in London
needs some retribution from Barry Taylor.
So please lift the cloche.
- Please.
Get in there!
- It seems like you're very happy.
Explain.
- Chocolate orange,
the best chocolate flavour combination out there, bar none.
Terry's Chocolate Orange,
my favourite Christmas chocolate.
- Chocolate and orange-shaped orange
that you can get at Christmas.
- I love, I love getting the whole chocolate to myself
and taking off segments.
It's like it's one of the only
novelty-shaped chocolate bars out there
that actually tastes delicious.
- [Mike] These are chocolate-dipped orange slices
by Fortnum & Mason.
Made in England, these candied treats
are the classic combination of orange and chocolate
that you've been talking about, Baz.
Each orange slice is dipped in rich dark chocolate
to make a delicious after-dinner confection.
- That is sensational.
- Oh, we're back in the game.
- I mean they're a bit jammy in the middle.
- Right, give them over here,
I want to see what a chef makes
of them. - Well, as a flavour
combination, bang on, I imagine.
- Cheers.
- When they're being candied,
they haven't been completely dried out.
So still a nice chew and a bit of goo to them.
- Really hard to eat half orange, half chocolate.
That's how you do it.
(Barry laughs)
- It is that chocolate and orange combo.
But the flavour is incredible on those.
- It's almost like a mini dessert.
Is it a pre dessert?
Is it apres dessert?
- If you had to -
- Oh, now I sound pretentious.
- It feels like the only thing we can do now
is ruin it for you by them being far too expensive.
So would you like to take a guess in their price?
- Was that the entire contents of the box?
- Yes.
- I was going to start about 10 pounds,
but then 10 pounds for a slice of orange is ridiculous.
So let's bring it back a little bit.
Let's go for seven pounds.
- For the entire box?
- Yeah.
- Well, Barry, these sell for 18 pounds 50.
- Damn.
Damn.
I wouldn't pay 18 pounds for these.
I actually would be really interested
in actually making these myself.
- Reckon you'll give that a go over the holidays?
He won't.
- On that part, it is just one orange,
a bag of sugar, and half a bar of dark chocolate.
- I'd give that a go.
No, stuff it.
Watch my Instagram.
I will give this a go.
- Okay, pretentious or not?
- No, they're not pretentious.
They're expensive, but they're not pretentious.
(holiday music)
- And would you mind please lifting the cloche?
- Can't wait.
- Oh no, I know what you're like.
- What, you love cheese!
- I love cheese, Mike doesn't,
and as head elf he's bought it,
which means it's novelty.
- What do you mean novelty?
- If you've bought it as a non-cheese lover,
the chances are it's caught your eye
for a different reason.
- This is far too early to be judging.
I think you should taste some.
- Oh (laughs) he's changed his tune, hasn't he?
- [Ben] Yeah, I mean I have to.
I do like cheese.
- [Barry] Yeah, have a taste, mate.
Ben, you're studying it like a foreign object.
- What notes are you getting?
- That, to me, tastes like chalky strawberry Petits Filous.
- What?
- Like a yoghurt, like a Fromage Frais.
- It's yogurt-y, but super sweet, fruity.
- Cheesy.
- Well, yes.
- [Mike] This is Wensleydale with raspberry and Prosecco
from the Great British Cheese company,
a new, improved recipe.
This cheese is a treat for anyone with a sweet tooth.
- Yeah, it's very sweet.
- Sweet cheese.
- Are you getting any of the Wensleydale?
- Am I getting Wensleydale?
No.
- Is it more of a dry crumbly cheesecake
than it is a piece of cheese?
- It is more like a dessert than a piece of cheese,
but it's not cheesecake-y.
- Should we try some?
- I'm fascinated.
- Let's give it a go. - Quite, someone
has to buy this.
- Obviously we couldn't possibly serve you any cheese
without an antipasti board.
- Wow, it smells like
Fromage Frais - - Yeah -
- Kid's yoghurts.
That's so true.
Cheers, fromage.
Oh, that is very crumbly!
It's the weirdest thing I've tasted!
- It tastes like a Petits Filous gone-off.
- It's 84% Wensleydale.
- I don't hate it.
(Mike laughs)
- What?
- There's nothing wrong with Wensleydale,
and I have had some Wensleydale with fruit,
with cranberry, you can get it with apricot.
That's a classic way of serving Wensleydale.
- It doesn't taste anything, like Prosecco at all.
I can't, it's not fizzy - - 0.5', it's got 0.5%,
so there's one gramme of Prosecco in that.
So no, you can't taste it.
- I mean, also I picked up a bit
of their sticky toffee cheddar as well.
- Oh, what?
Sticky toff, right.
- It's better than that.
- Really?
- But I think that's because it's a cheddar.
So you've actually got a bit of a tang
from quite a mature cheddar with that fruit.
- What about the spiced peri peri cheddar?
- It's got a warmth of chilli.
It's not a blow-your-head-off, but it's quite warm,
but it's warm enough to go,
"The cheese is irrelevant."
I'm just getting chilli.
Food is so subjective,
'cause I'm just confused by why anyone would want
to put chilli with something so wonderful as cheese.
And yet it works the world over and some people love it,
in like a Monterey Jack or something like that, jalapeno.
It's a firm favourite.
It's just not for me.
- Cheers.
- The peri peri as a non-cheese liker
tastes a bit cheesy, very spicy.
and I quite like it.
Too strong for a cheese board,
too sweet for a cheese board,
but perhaps could be whipped into a dessert.
Silly novelty for Christmas,
but I'm actually not against silly novelty at Christmas.
I'd put that in the same bracket as chocolate caviar.
- [Barry] Shall we talk money?
- These are all the same price.
How much do you think for a wheel?
- I have bought a similar-size wheel of waxed cheddar,
flavoured, from other cheese companies,
and I think I remember paying four pound 50 a wheel.
- He's confident in the price, isn't he?
- He's very close.
They are five pounds each.
Question is, pretentious or not?
- Not pretentious, because I think if you're buying
a raspberry and Prosecco Wensleydale,
you know what you're buying.
So it's doing the job. - I did.
- I just don't think it's very premium
and I wouldn't go there.
- Now it's over to you guys.
Do you agree with us or not?
Are these pretentious or not?
Comment below and let us know.
- And if you've seen
any potentially pretentious ingredients
that you'd like us to have a look at and review,
then tweet us @sortedfood, #sortedpretentious.
(Barry laughs)
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(jazzy music)
And now for the blooper.
(beep)
- Do you wanna talk?
- Okay.
- No, I just meant about your problems.
Whatever you're going through right now.
- No, honestly, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
That just riled me up the wrong way.