I'm going to explain it all to you in this video.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm a narcissist negotiation expert, I'm also an attorney and
I've helped thousands of people escape toxic relationships
through my law practice.
I've written two best-selling books,
“Breaking Free: a step-by- step divorce guide” and
“Negotiate like you M.A.T.T.E.R” and
I've helped millions of people on this channel.
So, make sure that you subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
Why does it seem like narcissists love you one minute and
then, hate you the next?
I'm gonna tell you one thing,
they don't ever really loved you,
I mean, they just feed off of you,
they feed off of your energy,
they feed off of your supply,
because that's what they're going for,
right from the beginning.
So, let me explain something to you about how narcissists are.
So, a narcissist is a person,
who has absolutely no sense of self.
Picture a person who's literally almost like they're starving,
they have no oxygen, it's like they can't breathe,
or they have like a black hole inside of them and
so they're constantly trying to breathe, or get food,
so they can't really see you,
because they're constantly trying to survive and
they want you to fill this black hole and
you might want to fill it too,
so, you're trying to fill this black hole,
but they can't really receive and
so, you're left feeling depleted, they’re still starving,
this is like their vicious cycle that's happening all the time and
they cannot be healed.
This is what's happening constantly and
so, they can't see you, or feel anything about you,
because they're just in this scarcity mode all the time and
they feed off of this narcissistic supply,
it’s this external source of supply.
I mean it's not like they don't actually have value,
but they don't feel like they have any value,
so they're trying to get this external source of supply from you.
They're attaching themselves to you
to try to get this source of supply from you and
how do they feed off of that?
They feed off of this drama,
they wanted to try to trigger you through this manipulation,
they feed off of your empathy,
they can't actually love you,
but they want you to love them and
they want you to pay attention to them.
They attach themselves to you,
they want you to give them this adulation and
they feed off of drama.
They're always take, take, take, take, take and
they're incapable of seeing this adverse effect on your emotions.
I mean, everything is manipulation,
they get you to pay attention to them, care about them,
then they ghost you and then, you're upset about it.
But then, they get you to beg,
they feed off of this high emotions and
this constant up and down and
this constant drama, they enjoy this,
this drama of this up and down, and up and down.
If it was just even all the time,
there would be no supply to be had.
The supply comes from the up and the down,
there would be nothing to be had,
if it was just, “How was your day?”, “Blah blah”.
They don't believe in a two-way street,
I mean, they can't give to you,
so, how they're getting their supply is by,
they pay attention enough to you,
to get you to give back this adulation,
they will give enough to you so you start paying attention to them,
so that you're begging them to stay,
showing them how much you love them,
“Please don't leave me”,
all of that sort of thing,
because they want you to be in this constant place of control
where you're proving to them,
that they still have control over you.
So, by back and forth,
by building you up, then pushing you away,
then you begging them,
they show that they still have control over you and
that's why they do this back and forth.
Well-adjusted, healthy people don't feed off of this constant drama
to demonstrate they still have control over you.
By the way, by doing this back and forth thing,
that's how you become addicted to them,
that's how they mess with your emotions,
those dopamine levels in your brain
become addicted to needing that hit from them.
By the way, there's a study by Robert Sapolsky,
that shows you need that hit from them too,
just that anticipation of,
are you going to get the back and forth from them as well?
Are you going to get the adulation back from them?
So, you become trauma bonded to them,
it's a very, very unhealthy dynamic.
By the way, I have a whole video on
“This is what emotional abuse looks like”.
I would definitely check out my video on,
“This is what emotional abuse looks like”,
because it is very, very, much, emotional abuse
what they are inflicting on you.
You definitely want to check that out,
you definitely want to also check out my video on,
“Self-care when you are in narcissistic relationships”,
because you need to take care of yourself.
I will also make sure there are links to other resources,
such as the domestic violence hotline and
we also have a partnership with “BetterHelp” online therapy.
For those of you who need access to more support.
Because narcissists are master manipulators,
they don't actually really love you,
everything is a manipulation.
This is why it's best to not walk away from these relationships,
but to actually run away from these relationships.
I mean, they don't have the ability to feel anything for you,
they don't have the ability,
it's like when somebody has a toothache,
all they can think about is their toothache,
they can't feel anything of what's going on outside their toothache,
because they can only feel their own pain.
That's really what's going on with them.
They cannot be healed,
they can only take care of themselves,
so, you need to take care of yourself as well.
If you are getting ready to negotiate,
with a narcissist or with anybody,
please grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
at winmynegotiation.com.
If you are dealing with a narcissist,
please join my free private Facebook group,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”,
huge community going on in there, totally free.
We will make sure there are links to all of this below and
make sure you like this video, share it out for others.
Make sure you subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
Remember, they only win if you give in.
Today’s a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
Thanks so much for joining me.
I will see all of you in the next video.