Ladies, we're back for another Ask Mark. I'm really excited, love this segment.
Hey, it's, you guys are getting really involved with the comments and you're posting lots
and lots of stuff.
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I'm going to answer three questions every single week from you guys.
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Ask Mark.
This week, we've got some awesome questions.
And the first one is from the respect video, how to get the guy's respect.
One of my favorite videos and favorite messages coming across in that video.
Cause I think respect is such an important topic when it comes to dating.
Absolutely. There's really nothing that's more important than getting a guy's respect.
So this question comes from that video and it's from ayooci.
Uh, and ayooci writes, I think that's how you say it, ayooci, so essentially, if the guy
doesn't respect you now, he never will.
I got myself into a sort of booty call friends with benefits situation because I have absolutely
no experience or knowledge about those types of relationships.
That's cool, it happens.
After doing some research, I realize how these things end up.
I'm at the point where I'm ending it because it feels right for me.
Awesome as you should.
I tried to end up before and went back to him cause it was his birthday and I felt bad.
What sort of horrible person am I if I deny a man sex on his birthday?
It's his birthday, Mark.
Realize now that I don't want him to have power over me anymore.
Should I give up hope that he will ever respect me?
Okay.
I like this question because we haven't really done a video on getting a guy's respect back.
We've done videos on getting guys respect
and I think that comes across in a lot of my videos.
But getting guys respect back is, is, is an interesting sort of dilemma.
It's, it's hard because you've started out sort of in the wrong place.
If you haven't got a guy's respect initially, you've set one frame for yourself where it's
okay, I'm, am willing to be his booty call and go over there, or I am willing to put
in effort when he's not putting effort into me, which is obviously not an ideal image
to have, but can you get his respect back?
Yes, you absolutely can. Same principles apply.
You've got to do the same things we talked about to get his respect back.
Now in this particular case, it was, I usually felt like she wasn't respecting herself because
she was willing to be his booty call on his terms.
Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with early sex if you're doing it for you and for
the right reasons. A guy's gonna respect you for that.
But in this case, you obviously feel like you didn't do that and you did it more on
his terms when maybe you really did want a relationship, but you were happy or you weren't
happy, but you were willing to be his booty call.
So it cost yourself, his respect perhaps in that way.
Now, can you get it back? Yes, you absolutely can.
It's one of those situations where a break is very helpful, a time gap between seeing him.
And what that allows is it kind of allows him time to think about you in a new way.
So you often see this with a breakup is let's say a man breaks up with a woman.
Um, we'll take a stereotypical example, say she was far too needy and clingy, right?
Now what, what a woman will be tempted to do is say, okay, I've turned over a new leaf.
I'm no longer the needy, clingy woman that I used to be, and I'm going to prove it to him.
And this is like three days after the breakup and the guy's just like, she hasn't changed.
She's just acting in a new way cause she wants to get me back.
Whereas let's say you did that three months after the breakup or hell, let's say you ran
into him and showed him that three years after the breakup, there's a gap there, right?
It's a new frame for the relationship.
So that allows the guy to think about you in a new way more easily.
So if time passes, and what I recommend here ayooci is let a little bit of time pass, let
have a month, maybe two, a bit more if you can pass.
And that way, when you come back and you start acting in the sort of new you way, it's going
to seem a lot more legitimate than if you just change your behavior now.
If you do it now, he's like, Oh, she's still the same person.
She's just acting differently.
If you do it later, it's like, okay, she's a different person and she's, she's acting differently.
So I'm going to respect that. So that's, that's the biggest thing I would say.
The other thing is obviously don't do the things that you were doing before that lost
his respect.
So make sure if you're not happy being just getting sex for you, then don't be his booty
call at his convenience.
Expect him to reciprocate effort he puts into you.
So next time he calls you over, Hey babe, come around tonight.
I'd be like, ah, no, I don't think ah, I don't think that's right for me.
I'd love to see you this week though.
So if you want to head out and get some lunch, we can do that.
But otherwise I think I'd prefer not to.
So yes, you can get the guy's respect back, but it sometimes just takes a little bit more
time and a little bit more effort than if you'd done some of the things we talked about
in the video from the very beginning.
Okay, second question is from Sabrina and this was on the jealousy video.
So I find jealousy a fascinating topic.
Um, it's kind of a niche topic, but it's a really important one because we all have insecurities
and usually jealousy is going to come up at least a little bit in some way in your relationships.
So knowing how to handle it is really fundamental because if you get this wrong, slowly but
surely, it can disintegrate your whole relationship.
And Sabrina's basically, um, brought, brought up this point.
She says there's absolutely nothing a woman can do to reassure a jealous man.
This is in response to the video by the way, if she stops one activity, he will move on
to the next absurd demand, until you are basically, you're basically his couch potato.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, right Sabrina, and I love this comment.
I really love it because she is right.
If you stopped doing those things, and I talk about this a bit in the video first it's little
things and then it's medium things and then it's big things and you give up these things
and soon you've given up so much of yourself that there's nothing left and you end up resenting
him for it.
And he's like, where's this girl that I originally fell in love with?
So you're absolutely right, Sabrina.
Uh, the first part, there's nothing a woman can ever do to reassure jealous, man.
You're right in a sense that he has to reassure himself.
You're absolutely right. He has to be able to reassure himself.
But you can facilitate that process.
You can facilitate him sitting with what's making him insecure, but not making it worse
than him at the same time.
So, for example, you don't want to, not like, let's say you've got a guy friend, you don't
want to not see that guy friend anymore just because uh, your boyfriend gets jealous over it.
You know, this is assuming obviously he is a friend and you knew him,
maybe knew him before the relationship or maybe didn't.
But obviously he's just a friend.
You don't want to stop seeing that guy cause you're right.
One thing is going to lead to another.
At the same time, if you just go bugger you, I'm going out there, I'm going to see him.
Don't care what you think, slam the door. That's really not very helpful either, is it?
You know, we all have insecurities and it's not really making his, facilitating his to
improve by doing that.
So if you haven't watched the jealousy video links in the description, but you can facilitate
sort of reassuring him and him reassuring himself by saying, look, this guy is a friend.
I've known him since before I met you.
He will always be a friend, and I'm always coming back to you.
So this is something I'm going to do for me, I hope you can respect me for that.
And then you can go see your friend after that, and that's a lot better and a lot more
reassuring for him than going bugger you, you can't fix jealousy.
I'm just, FU, I'm off to see him. I don't care what you think. Doesn't really help, right?
And doesn't show a lot of empathy for his insecurities, which we all have.
And final question today, which is a, an interesting one.
It comes from Jillian and Jillian wrote, how often should I send my boyfriend an I love
you, I miss you text while he needs time to deal with something that has been holding
him back in our relationship?
He said that all he wants is to love me and everything will be alright, but right now,
he just can't. Okay, a couple of things here. There's not a ton of information provided.
So the first thing is what's, what's going on? Why does he need space here?
I can love you. I'm sorry. I wish I could love you. All I want is to love you, but I can't right now.
That sounds like a bit of a cop out to me, but with any of these, why does a guy need
space videos, it's important to ask the question, why is he asking for it?
Is he saying it because his dad just passed away and he really needs time to himself?
Okay, that makes sense.
Is he saying it because he's had a tough day at work and now he's been quiet for a week?
Okay, that doesn't make sense. Your needs matter too.
Now, how often should I text him?
Jillian, he should be updating you with what's going on.
This is, this is really important guys.
If a guy asks for space, it's important to go, okay, how are we gonna do this?
Okay, you want space, I can respect that.
I'm going to meet your needs in the relationship.
My needs are important as well though, so what can I expect from you during this time?
Okay, your dad passed away. I can understand that.
Is it okay if you text me every day just to let me know how things are going?
That's all I expect, one text, and then I'm going to be happy, and you can have your space.
So it's really important when you start these situations that you establish some sort of
common ground because your needs matter too.
And I noticed a lot of women are willing to go, I'm going to give the guy everything he wants.
I'm going to wait around as long as he wants.
I'm going to show him my love for as long as he wants without expecting anything at
all in return.
And your needs matter too, like of course you are going to help him with his needs,
but you also can't sit around for a month while he just stuffs around because he's stressed
at work and isn't sure where his life is going.
That's not fair for you. So form that balance.
So to answer your question, Jillian, you know you might text a guy once a day, something
like this, but your needs matter too.
If a girl did this to me, I would not be sending her a text every day if she just didn't reply at all.
If she was just just, I need space, Mark. I'm going away to think about my life.
I'm not going to text her I love you every night for two weeks without hearing anything back from her.
So the answer is a little bit, it depends because it depends what caused this.
Did you guys agree to have some interaction during it and is he reciprocating, you know,
is he sending you anything so far because you deserve some contact too.
So if you're like Jillian pop, you're a, pop your uh extra details in the comments below,
and I answer those in typing format and the rest of you can have a read of that
on where the situation goes.
Thank you for writing in again guys.
I really love these videos.
They're great fun and I love filming them.
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Show your friends because the more we can spread messages of positive self-esteem and
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All this great information and the more questions I'm going to be able to answer for all of
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