*SWOOSH*
*Oddly Soothing Piano Music*
This lovely looking game
is Cat Mare-io.
I'm gonna fuckin' play it
because for two years
people have been telling me
to play Cat Marr-io, so
I'ma play the fucking CAT Mare-iO
I guess it's like Mario
BUT LOOK WAIT
THERE'S A TWIST!
IT'S A FUCKIN' CAT
Gonna assume this is the start
Alright...
Stage One: this thing!
I have three cats...
I should have nine,
I feel like they fucked up that right in the beginning
First thing, slight...OH SHIT
How do I jump? Jesus Christ. Okay.
It's all arrow keys bitches.
All arrow keys
Look it I just annihilated
these fuckers off the WHAT THE FUCK?
Do you wanna go back down?
Can I jump? ...back d...NO
ALRIGHT
This fuckin' cat's goin' down some pipes
OR NOT
OR I'M GOIN' TO FUCKIN' OUTER SPACE
REALLY?
I'm fuckin dead?!
*yelling intensifies* WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
Can I run?
Does that help? Nope.
I don't think I can sprint.
There's no sprinting.
I'm a slow ass, fuckin' cat.
Oh mind the gap bitch...
OH MY GOD! JESUS CHRIST!
I GOT FUCKIN' CRUSHED TO DEATH!
Mushroom. Guy's head. Boom.
Eat the fucking mushroom.
Didn't do anything, I'm still the exact same size
SWEET.
Oh nice we got a fuckin' cool guy star here
And it fuckin' murders you...
I dunno why I didn't think
that it wouldn't do that.
What is this thing?
It's like a...It's like a mix
between like a koopa
and a fuckin' Roomba©
is it, it's like vacuuming the floor.
I'm gonna murder it.
You're dead you fuckin' bitch.
HOLY SHIT!
COME ON!
*concerned* What...Who's cat is this by the way?
*existentially* Who is this?
What is...OH you fucking fu...oh my god.
I thought you fucked me
but then you didn't. Okay.
AND THEN YOU PFFFFT
*Annoyed* WHAT?!
WHAT THE HELL DO I DO HERE?
Uhhhh hey guys, you know, I'm just gonna fuckin'
hang out...uhhhh in...in this prison
FOREVER I GUESS!
Can I kill myself?
Is there a suicide button?
I'm trapped.
I'm...fucking trapped.
*defeated* I'm hitting every key.
*more defeated* That's...all four of them.
*even more defeated* All four directions...
I can't even restart
There's no reset button.
Right? Like most of these shitty flash games
Have like the, the 'R' is a reset NOPE.
Hit 'Escape'? NOPE. Nothin'
ALL THERE IS ARE THE ARROW KEYS
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO...
There's no... *intense yelling* I GOTTA DO THAT?!?
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
I WAS IN THAT HOLE FOR LIKE
EIGHT MINUTES
AND I RAN ACROSS THAT FUCKIN' THING.
I GOTTA GENTLY CRAWL...
TO MY DEATH?!
Fuckin' 1-1 I'm gonna die OH MY GOD
Jesus Christ
I FUCKING FELL TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH AGAIN.
I JUST I JUST FUCKING KILLED MYSELF
I just jumped into my own fucking pit of death.
*Michael Levels Increasing* You...fucking...son of a bitch.
Fuckin' over the stupid thing.
I can't do it.
I...I can't do it.
I'm really glad this game gives you infinite lives...
So you'll never stop playing this shit...I did it again
*mounting anger* I can't get past this.
I CAN'T GET PAST THI-
I CAN'T GET FUCKING PAST 1-1!
I like how every time you get caught here too,
you have to kill yourself.
It's not even like you fuckin' die.
You got trapped, and now must commit suicide.
I...I gotta jump UP and OVER
*chokes on rage*
*MICHAEL TIME* HOW DID I STILL FALL THROUGH?!?
*angry sigh*
This, this is it. This is the whole video.
This is it. *yes it is*
*OVER 9000 MICHAEL* WHY DO YOU JUMP LIKE YOU'RE
ON THE FUCKIN' MOON?!?!
Now, assuming nothing else will fuck me
I will jump to freedom onto the pipe.
Thank Christ you fucking bitch.
Go in the thing.
Can I go in this thing?
Nope. Never mind the game says no.
COME ON!!
You dropped four guys on me. Four in a row.
Four in a row.
On the pipe. Over these bitches, don't give a shit.
*Caps Lock irl* THE FUCKING CLOUD KILLED ME?!
GOD DAMN IT.
I'm in the fucking stairs. I'M IN THE FUCKING STAIRS.
I'm out of the stairs. It's fine. Don't worry about it.
I'm outta the stairs.
Can I beat the level?
There's laser beams.
I dodged the laser beam and I beat the fuckin' level.
1-1 done.
NOPE!
Under this fuckin' thing. Over the fuckin pipe.
Dodge the fucking idiots.
Whenever they fall NOPE just stand there.
Just stand there and die.
Over all these smiley bitches.
Fuck you bitches!
There's a fucking laser beam somewhere.
And I ate it. I ate the fucking laser beam.
I...I'M GLAD I POINTED IT OUT
AS IT FUCKING MURDERED ME
AND PIERCED MY FUCKING HEART.
This isn't even like Cat Mario.
This is like "I Wanna Be The Cat."
We should've just called it that.
It's the same fuckin' thing:
EVERYTHING FUCKS YOUR ASSHOLE APART
ON EVERY FUCKIN' SCREEN.
Somehow I have to dodge here...Can I dodge?
I can't dodge.
I can't...I...There's nothing I can do,
So now I guess I have to jump over the fucking pole,
because I automatically walk to my own death.
THAT'S YOUR REWARD FOR BEATING THE LEVEL.
*sarcastically* "This is great! Michael play Cat Mario!"
'It's amazing!"
"You'll get to 1-1!"
"And we'll watch that!"
"And nothing else..."
"Cause you'll never fucking beat it."
HYYYYUUUUUUGGGHHHHH
Oh my god I'm dead. I just killed myself.
Watch...I'm gonna watch myself die.
Did you see it?
Did you see how I died?
We're goin' over. Ready? We're goin' over it!
*HEAVY BREATHING*
*Stop. Michael Time* GOD DAMNIT. FUCK.
*some pretty dope music plays while you see other bideos*