My photography began as me just simply saying
this is what my world is
It was very authentic
to how I think a lot of people maybe felt, kids especially
but maybe didn't know how to express
It's like the world that you create with your best friends
this internal magic that goes through you as a kid
Those pictures don't come without trust
and I feel really fortunate
that I'm able to photograph the people in my life like this
But I'm even more fortunate
that I'm able to have trust in relationships like this
and the photographs are just evidence of that
I'm so lucky
- That was close there! - Ready?
I feel like you're in a prime spot to throw the grapes at
- Oh! Dirt grape! - Dirt grape!
- Damn it! - Dirt grape!
Are you ready?
- What are you doing to me? - I don't know
When people, like...
When you try and take someone's picture
and they're just like...
- You do that sometimes. - You do that!
So do y'all. You all fucking do it
It's fun!
Are you going to write it out?
You just do it
I'll write it out. I just want to do the middle first
"I'm just going to do it." You write, like, "butt"
"Butt munch"
"Butt munch!"
- What are you going to write? - Butt munchery
He wants my name
I haven't done this in...
- Is it going to be okay? - Yeah
- The first cut's the deepest. - It kind of feels good
He was just kind of like, "Don't tell Mom"
but he also doesn't approve of tattoos really
or didn't, at least, at the time
- Now you're covered in baby ones. - Yeah
He actually really likes my poem tattoo
My parents, when I got my terrible tattoo
wanted me to get it removed
They made me call my doctor
- I love you so much! - I love you too!
- [inaudible]. - Can I have a group hug?
Group hug!
[Good bun, good butts]
I'm so happy to be in New York
I'm so happy you're here
I think a lot of people have issues with self-hatred
I'm really, really hard on myself
and I started seeing a therapist three years ago
So we started talking about my childhood a lot
I had a sister who passed away before I was born
and so I always felt like I was the replacement child
when I was growing up
Which is not to say that they made me feel that way
but she was a very big part of my life
even though she was deceased, like a very celebrated part of my life
And I've just started writing about her a lot
and making art about it, finally
Are you ready?
Let's go check out the stars!
Ready?
She shouldn't be too bad out there
I was out there yesterday with her, in that area
because I gave her a bath and we were just walking around
so she should be pretty cool out there
My last project, I was on a horse
My other actor was on a horse and I was shooting the picture
And oh, it was so hard
I've done it a bunch of times before
but because I was on the horse, trying to be here
and then someone else was on the horse
At the same time?
Do you think you can make her face go a little bit that way?
- Come here. - Whoa
Whoa
Look at you! You're amazing!
This is going to make a huge difference, we got the instant
- Okay, so 68 you go-- - Okay, so 9-3/4
And you, honestly... If you go to 10, you'd be fine
Okay, 10 minutes, okay
- Yay! - Yay! I'm so excited!
And this was the only one that you needed to look up, right?
- Yep. - Okay
- Cool, okay. - Awesome!
I'm going to be in there
You guys, let me know if you need anything
- Don't hesitate. - I will. Thank you!
Sometimes I plan out these certain plot points
or pieces of the project
and then the real important pieces come through after it's done
and you're like, "Oh! That's why, that's why that pattern exists"
It's a lot through the editing that I find out what something means
So what did you shoot? What are the pictures?
I shot this whole series on...
It's going to be more abstracted later
and there's going to be words and stuff, but about my sister
my sister who died before me
about this idea of beautiful perfection
So I was like, "Let's do some white animals"
Oh my god, it's going to be amazing
And then I want to print them as cyanotypes
Oh yeah, that's what you were telling me
I have all this stuff, so like tiny, tiny contact prints
Oh! Cool!
I was thinking I would paint them in ovals
- Oh yeah. - So that they're kind of, I don't know
like old pictures of the gorge or something
but cyanotypes
I bought a blue dress so I could slip into the sky
to cradle tangibility with camouflage
Dusk's disappearance transpiring
The poison seeping, pooling around my ribs
Begging for affection from anyone
while Indian Summer rain races towards wet earth
Feeling the wilderness of your weight
Blue fades to midnight to three
I've heard death is like water
and you were born in the morning
your tiny eyelashes painting a silver sunset inside our mother
settling like cobalt ash rain onto my shoulders
unearthing blue
You are the other woman
and your voice is strong and wild when it billows in the wind
dissipating like gray confetti
I hear it in Oregon, speaking amongst the thunder
The rain sounds like a skittish heart
I hear your gentle whisper embedded in my sheets
always
How on earth can you harness love?
Such became a death sentence
your shadow of silver holding my body in the light
I feel you deepest when I want love the most
Pretty good, huh?
Max made that
Oh, you want to roll over in the step?