- Portia and I went on safari. We went to South Africa.
And the country was beautiful.
The people were beautiful.
Portia and I were beautiful.
[laughter]
Some parts were challenging.
How many people have ever been on safari?
Anybody here?
It's amazing, isn't it?
Okay, here's what I have to say about it too,
and this was my concern going in.
You're on an open truck.
You're on a safari truck, and it's fun,
but it's three hours you're out in the wild,
and, you know, there's-- it's the wilderness,
and you're just on a truck.
So obviously at some point
you're gonna need to go to the restroom,
and they have something that's called the comfort stop.
That's what they called it, "the comfort stop."
And--which means you're out there
behind a termite mound.
That's what they find for you.
They find a termite mound, and so anyway,
after two hours on the first day,
I needed a "comfort stop."
And because you're in the wild, you know,
before you get out of the truck, the guide looks around
to see if there's anything dangerous,
if there's a lion or a rhino or a dentist
or anything around that could actually...
[laughter]
So...but then there's one animal
that they tell you to watch out for
that they can't really see.
It's a puffer snake.
Do you know the puffer?
All right, they're very aggressive,
they say, and they'll chase you,
so if you run, they will actually come after you.
There's nothing more terrifying than a snake
chasing after you with their tongue out
like a Miley Cyrus or something like that.
[laughter]
The guide-- and so the guide says, though,
"The snakes aren't out this time of year."
Well, where are they, on vacation?
I'm on vacation in this same spot,
you know, so it wasn't a comfort stop.
It was a very uncomfortable stop for me.
I could talk about it all day, but I--actually,
I took some video,
and I put a little bit of the highlights of trip together.
Enjoy.
[percussive music]
We went on safari in Kruger National Park,
one of the largest and most beautiful
game reserves in Africa.
Here we are on the first day of our safari.
We couldn't remember where we parked the car.
We walked for hours.
Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at spotting animals.
I saw a rhinoceros way off in the distance,
so we started walking toward it very carefully.
It just sat there while we got closer and closer.
Turns out it was a rock, but it was a beautiful rock.
We finally did see a rhinoceros.
Actually, we saw a lot of animals:
elephants, buffalo, warthogs,
elephants, antelope, more elephants.
We literally couldn't stop seeing elephants.
I was so over them.
I'm taking a selfie there.
Did we see a lion?
You bet we saw a lion.
Was I excited?
Oh, my God.
You bet I was excited.
We saw these leopards.
It looks strange,
but if the drought keeps up in California,
that's how we're all gonna have to clean ourselves.
Anyway, where was I?
We saw giraffes, zebras, and dragons.
Okay, we didn't see dragons.
That was from "Game of Thrones."
But I did binge-watch on the flight over.
And I have to say,
everyone we met in Africa was so joyful.
[all singing]
Although I believe this song is about their feud
with Katy Perry.
Every night before dinner, they would sing to us.
It was amazing.
[all singing in native language]
I believe the words mean "the fire's hot.
"Don't get close to the fire.
You're dinner is ruined, because the fire is too hot."
Toward the end of the night,
Portia and I got up and danced with them.
Turns out it was a ceremonial marriage dance,
and Portia and that guy are now married.
I miss her.
It was a once-in-a-lifetime trip
and a great reminder to respect and cherish all life,
the beauty of animals,
and how expensive cell phone roaming charges are.
[camera shutter clicks]
Ahh, it was amazing.
[cheers and applause]
An unforgettable trip.
I am excited to be back and start the new season.
We have got some huge things planned.
We've partnered with Visa Checkout
to make it possible to do a lot of these things,
and if you don't know about Visa Checkout,
you sign up once, and you never have to re-enter
your information, so online shopping is very easy,
and you can see how easy it is, because you're all gonna go home
with a $150 Visa Checkout card.
You're welcome.
We took pictures on my trip,
and since I have memories that I want to last forever,
I put my favorites in this photo book,
and it is from Shutterfly.
They actually partnered with Visa Checkout,
so you can order your own photos and books online,
and I used Visa Checkout to get you all a copy
of this book, so you're all gonna get a copy of this book.
Like that.
[cheers and applause]
Like that.
That.
I know.
This is--so...
[cheers and applause]
I took a lot of these pictures, and it really is--it's--
I'm glad that they did that for me,
so everybody gets a copy.