this episode of death race is brought to
you by door - don't die gotta be honest
we kind of have to wait and see how
things shake out day to day but no
matter today we shall paint the truck in
oil and that's a metaphor for blood by
the way because today's cars are man I
gotta stop drinking absinthe before
chefs first stop is Optimus Prime proud
leader of the Autobots
this simple Freightliner flat-6 semi
truck exterior provides the heart and
soul of a warrior and the body of a
giant robot despite being from an alien
planet he's 100% American you can tell
from the red white and blue in the
brutal murder of an anime pretty boy his
only weakness cheating if he ever did
that he'd end it all right there even if
it's only a video game this war proper
air applause rozilla pain they look like
your bog-standard Ford Anglia 105 either
locks fun with a dash of magic this baby
can fly and even turn invisible and best
of all trapped inside are two terrified
miners fresh out of Hogwarts on summer
break hey if you win the race you get to
see your parents again don't cut them
one of them doesn't have parents don't
worry folks we haven't left the British
Isles yet up next is Thomas the Tank
Engine he's the number-one locomotive on
the Island of Sodor just look at him
either
nothing sinister hide behind those
moon-shaped dopey soul piercing eyes no
Horrors buried beneath the baby blue
sheets steel last but not least this rep
on race car got a second lease on like a
child when he visited the town of Rancho
Radiator Springs and yeah right let's
just get on with it let's join our
commentator's wizards boomstick - pour
the rice I'm coming down anyway
just like before whoever makes it to the
end first wins but we don't care how
they get there no civilians on the track
this time boomstick not this time Wiz
unless you want another blood bet maybe
I should just go climb down there myself
every night Stephanie yeah but we don't
need civilians because the cars
themselves are alive
only in the face of certain death can
one truly grapple with the beauty of
mortality man I need to stop drinking
absinthe before these shows right
tugging shoulder gremlin same do you
even know what that word means are you
just repeating things who here good show
the race is about to begin but first a
word about our gracious sponsor door -
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dough
with that let's join their racers on the
starting line it's time
they're often Wow Thomas takes an early
lead impressive considering there aren't
any train tracks oh you know I think
that's gonna be a problem
can't go round the bends like that Tammy
but the others are that connection
coming up on the first real obstacle the
tunnel optimist goes in first it's gonna
be a tight fit in there that's what she
said and our friends from across the
pond take an unconventional route what
do you expect Liz those kids should not
be driving but Optimus is making the
Queen's life miserable in that tunnel
he's gonna pull up something
how do you like that up deep both
strategy ticking up the ultimate
robo-warrior cut you know I think having
a card that flies Canada feats the point
of all this
[Music]
I knew we would best photo fees after
flood curtain oil nas lightening please
as we move down the track we approached
another deadly obstacles
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
it's a trap let's fight Oh smile to set
the cards clearly has nothing to do with
decepticons wins but I respect his
gumption you know taking out of context
and almost some sort of Lobo racist
dirty filthy speaking to set the cost
turn down the skyrim mud
Oh guess they won't get to see their
parents one of them will
[Music]
and I need to stop drinking absinthe the
horse shows
[Music]
the winner is
boomstick I was afraid of this see
Optimus Prime's victory may be clear but
he won through sheer luck and brutality
by his own standards he cheated and must
now commit Autobot seppuku you were the
light in our darkest hour what was there
to gain from all this I don't know
[Applause]
[Music]
you