Commencing Mature, Intellectual discussion on the lifting potential of human flatulence in 3...2....
*Next generation fart humor*
*Awesome Intro commencing*
*Intro*
Hello Internet! Welcome to Game Theory! The only show that can talk for eight minutes about the real life physics of a virtual fart,
And then follow it up in the next episode with a dissertation of quantum mechanics because, you know, that's how we roll.
Now farting as a power in video games is NOTHING new. Mortal Kombat's Bo Rai Cho, Abe from Oddworld, Agumon from Tekken, but no Butt Bugle has ever been quite as powerful as the Wario Waft in Super Smash Pewdiepie Fans Brawl
did it bros
you bros
thank you bros
you bros are really
im really im brofisting
Activating in three frames, lasting a second, and dealing over 40% damage at full charge, it may not be silent, but it certainly is deadly!
And look at that height! So my Twisted Mind of Doctor Brain asked: "What would it take if I too wanted to become a human butt rocket?"
What sort of force is leaving Wario's, (clears throat), "nozzle" when he uses this move?
Is the secret to a real life double jump just eating a bunch of beans? Let's find out!
First: Why does Wario have such a gas problem?
Well the wind for blowing these butt trumpets come from two primary sources: swallowed air and the byproducts of intestinal bacteria
When food passes through the small intestine and doesn't get digested, these bacteria get their turn at it.
Their feasting results in large amounts of hydrogen and methane gas which builds until being released via flautus
Now Nintendo has repeatedly shown that Wario's favorite food is Garlic, that he eats it in whole cloves.
Garlic contains a high amount of starch, which is more difficult for the human body to digest.
Thus, more of it makes it to the bacteria at the end of the line, resulting in more fart fuel
So, Wario's fictional diet is the real world reason that his rectal revolver is constantly locked and loaded
So in order to find out how much force is behind one of Wario's bumhole buzzers, this is the equation we need to solve
It's pretty intense, I mean this is quite literally rocket science. Best place to start is by breaking it down.
"m" is the mass of Wario, "g" is the acceleration of gravity, "v" is the velocity of the rocket, "y" is the height the rocket reaches, "k"is the number representing all the wind resistance forces,
And "T" is the number we're looking to solve. The motor thrust in Newtons
Let's knock a few easy ones out first.
Acceleration due to gravity: 9.81 meters per second squared. That's just gravity on earth.
Another easy one to fill in: the mass of Wario. Official Nintendo sources list Wario's weighing in at 308 pounds, or about 140 kilograms
But now's when they start to get hard.
Let's do height next
The Wario Waft has varying strength dependant on how long it's had to charge
For maximum height, you have to wait about a minute, fifty seconds. So besides clenching, what's a Wario to do?
Twerk dat booty.
*music*
no.
Having sufficiently twerked all up on Captain Falcon, we're clear to launch.
But stop right there. We can't know how far Wario's travelling without a sense of scale.
In other words, we need to know Wario's height so we can compare it against the distance he flies
But in all of my research, I couldn't find a single source saying exactly how tall our spherical shaped friend is.
So I had to dig a little deeper.
In my most controversial episode... No not Final Fantasy is anti-religion...
More hot buttoned than Pokemon being anti-creationist...
The one where I find Sonic's true speed, I layed the groundwork to determine that super Mario is practically nine feet, or 2.75 meters.
Using height charts and pixel measurements, I was able to find that by comparison, Wario is practically 10 FEET TALL
Or for the metrically minded, just over 3 meters.
With this, we can scale the Super Smash Brothers World
Wario in these pictures stands at 300 pixels, the boxes at about 500
The Wario Waft sends him up seven boxes, 3500 pixels, 116 feet or 35.35 meters. And that, Dear Theorists, is "y1"
Now, knowing how far he travels, we can calculate the velocity,
Which is distance traveled over time.
The time is one second, so "v" is 35.35 meters per second
Easy, leaving us with "k". Wind Resistance
And out of all of them, it's the most complicated number to find
It factors in air density, drag, and the cross sectional area of the rocket
Just take my word that Wario's "k" ended up at 9.33
But for now, I'm eager to get to this math problem! Cue exiting music!
*Exciting music and memes*
Wow, it really doesn't matter what music I put over this. It is STILL boring
Drum roll please. At the moment of flatulence, the force squeezing its way through Wario's cheeks is an astounding:
13,138 Newtons!
*Cymbal clash*
*Awkward silence*
What? Are, are you not impressed?
Oh hoh! I get it! You have no idea what that actually means
Yeah. Me neither. Figless Newtons always confused me.
Well, 1 Newton is approximately the force that a McDonald's Quarter Pounder exerts on your hand as you lift it to your mouth
35 Newtons will break an egg, and 4000 Newtons is a general estimation of the force required to break your femur.
In short, the force all at once during the Wario Waft would be enough to rip him in half, back door first. Kind of like popping a balloon
It is worth comparing the Wario launch to that of a real rocket though.
At 13000 Newtons, Wario's anal ascent comes nowhere close to a real rocket, who's total launch force is nearly 10.5 MILLION Newtons
But that number's a little misleading
Force is equal to mass times acceleration
And because he's SO much less massive than a rocket, Wario's acceleration, at about 93 meters per second squared, is actually 18 times FASTER than a NASA approved rocket
Houston, we have a Wario!
Okay, so while that's all well and good for Wario, it doesn't answer the question on all of our minds.
Can my farts, in real life, propel me forward?
And the answer is yes! If you're in space
The average fart is three hundredths of a gram, and exits the butt at about 3 meters per second
As we've seen with Wario, on Earth there are too many forces to content with for this to do anything
Wind Resistance, Gravity, Et Cetera
But in the vacuum of space, if you're floating around bare butted, mooning the moon, a typical fart would give a 240 pound human enough momentum to carry him about 8.8 centimeters per day
And since this is space we're talking about, with nothing to slow you down, each fart would add to that speed.
Considering the average human passes gas 14 times per day, by the end of day one, you'll have farted a pint, and increased your velocity to over 1.2 meters per day
Collectively, at the end of your first year of farting, you would be travelling 18 meters per hour or 0.01 miles per hour. Just from fart power alone!
So, yes Virginia, there IS propulsive power in your passed gas.
Which leads us with only one question left unanswered
Why burp and taste it when you can fart and propel yourself forward through the vacuum of space?
But hey, that's just a theory! A Game Theory! Thanks for Watching!
If you thought this episode stunk, well thank you I quite agree.
Now, back to the SUPER AMAZING END CARD TOURNAMENT!
I started two episodes ago.
This time, it's a good old Console War!
SNES vs Genesis!
Ninten-do vs Ninten-don't
Click on one of the two to cast your vote and next time I'll let you know the winner
And while you're clicking, be sure to subscribe if you haven't yet.
I'm only, 8,061,000 subs behind Pewdiepie's Bro Team! SO CLOSE! Ugh, maybe if I had a foreign accent?
Hello bros, welcome to G... No. That would never work.