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Hello and welcome to Little Learners. In today's video I'm going to be talking about
how as a teacher you can deal with parents who maybe pose a bit of a challenge for you.
I just want to make a note here because I've realised I keep saying 'parent' and I mean 'parent or carer'.
I don't just necessarily mean the biological parent or the adoptive parent of that child.
Parent or carer. I recently posted a video about things I wish I'd known before I started teaching
and this was definitely one of them! Before we get started don't forget to like this video
if you find it helpful and click that subscribe button if you haven't already to join the Little
Learners family. So I've mentioned this in my other video but just as a quick summary: when I started
teaching I had a parent in my class who was quite difficult and very rude, very challenging, and I had
an incident at a parent's evening when they were quite hostile and it got a bit scary to be honest,
and I hadn't had any training to prepare for this kind of thing. Now I don't want to scare anyone if
you haven't started teaching already because these people really are the minority, and hopefully this
video will help you to prepare for if this does happen to you. Now I think it's really important
to remember that when you have difficult parents there are varying degrees of this. So all of these
parents just want the best for their children. You have parents who, you know, like to tell you what
they think you should be doing and at the other end of the spectrum, you have parents like the
one I was talking about who are really rude, very hostile, and can be a really significant problem.
It's important to remember also that these people just want the best for their children,
and the way they go about it of course is not the right way, however it's important to keep that
in mind. I think it's crucial to always try and see things from the other person's perspective,
so why are they frustrated? Why are they being rude? Why are they so angry? Is it that that is
who they are as a person or is there something underlying there that they're struggling with?
So for example I had a parent who sent me a very very horrible email one time because she saw
that her child was getting a lot more support in the classroom, because we suspected that the
child had some special educational needs and she was not happy with that she didn't like that her
child was getting more support, because she thought it made clear to the other children that her child
needed that support and didn't want to alienate the child from the rest of the class. It was quite
an upsetting email to receive, you know you do your best for these children and you're trying to
do everything you can for them and then when the parent isn't happy with what you're doing it can
be really upsetting. However later on that day I received another email from the parent apologising
for everything that she had said, she said she sent it in the heat of the moment and she was really
struggling to accept that her child had special educational needs and needed this extra support. So
you could tell that really she wasn't a difficult parent, she was a parent who was really struggling
and needed support herself. So I think when you're having a difficult time with a parent,
take a step back, think is there something here that I'm not quite seeing? Why are they so angry?
Is there some kind of underlying issue here that we need to address? Is the thing that they
are angry about really the problem or is there something else going on? So that can be really
helpful to think about when you have a parent who keeps coming to you and saying that they are
really unhappy with what you're doing with their child. If this is happening a lot it's important
to ask them if they want to schedule a meeting with you and if they're reluctant say, you know,
you have a lot of things that you want to discuss and I really want to make sure
that I'm hearing everything you're saying, because a lot of the time when
parents are telling you these things it's at the end of the day at the door when you're trying to
get the children home and to the correct parent, or at the beginning of the day when you really don't
have the time to talk to them. if you're teaching older children you might not even see the parents,
they might be emailing you or phoning you, so ask them if they'd like to schedule a meeting
because this can be really helpful. You can sit down in your space and really think about what
you're going to want to say. They have to think about what they're going to say, come in and
get it all out there. When you do this make sure that you have notified another member of staff
that you're having this meeting, especially if you're a bit concerned about this parent. If this
parent is someone who has been really rude, if they have been shouting at you, if you are concerned
about your welfare if you're alone with them, then have someone else in the classroom with you. Have a
member of SLT in the classroom with you. This lets the parent know that you are taking their concerns
seriously and it gives you some backup. But if you are feeling okay with being in the classroom
by yourself or in an office by yourself with this parent, just let a member of staff know that you're
having this meeting. When you are having this meeting, know that you can excuse yourself at
any time. So if you are feeling uncomfortable you can say 'If you just give me a moment I'd like to
discuss something with my colleague', and exit the room and go and speak to your colleague, ask for
some support. Make sure you are also keeping a note of everything the parent says. This will let them
know that you're listening because you are writing everything down and also you won't have to try and
remember everything afterwards. It's important to let the parent know that you know they know their
child best. Often I've found that parents like this can feel a bit threatened by teachers because they
do know their children so well and they might tell the parents things they don't want to hear about
their child, or they don't want to accept about their child. So make sure that you're being very
mindful of this and you are being very compassionate when you are talking to them because
this is their baby, they are the most important thing in the world to them, so make sure that
you're keeping that in mind when you're talking to them because emotions really can run high.
So I do think that a meeting can really help to clear up a lot of concerns and if you're having
someone else in the meeting with you that can really help. If you're having a meeting with a
parent and you feel like it's not going anywhere then you can say, 'Okay I've written down all of
your concerns, I think it would be really helpful if we had a further meeting to discuss this with
the head teacher' or whoever you think is appropriate, go and speak to your senior leadership
team, your head teacher or whoever it might be and say that you need some support with this
parent and they should be there to support you. If you are having a parent's evening meeting or
just a regular meeting with a parent or you are with a parent at any stage and they are getting
very angry, if they are shouting at you, if they are being offensive, if they are being really
rude, if they are making you uncomfortable, you can tell them to stop. You can say that you have
made a note of what they're saying but you don't appreciate the way that they are speaking to you.
It's important to stand your ground and show what your expectations for this meeting are.
Just because they are the parent of the child it doesn't mean that they can treat you badly.
If you are feeling very uncomfortable or you fear for your safety, leave the room.
Just leave the room and go and find another member of staff to support you. You should never
feel uncomfortable or worried about your own safety during a meeting with a parent,
just as a parent shouldn't be feeling that way in the meeting with you. It is never acceptable
for a parent to treat you that way. When I had this meeting with the parent that was
getting very aggressive, it was a very personal attack, I made notes of what they were saying
and said, you know, 'I'm going to make a note of that and I will get back to you', that was kind of the
line that I held on to and said a lot. 'Thank you for telling me your concerns, I've made a note of
this and I will get back to you'. This really helped me to try to de-escalate the situation because
they knew that they'd been heard and I was going to consider what the next steps might be,
and it helped me because I didn't have to give them an answer straight away. Never feel like
you have to give an answer straight away if you haven't got one, that's absolutely fine and it
did calm things down a little bit. So, checklist: if you are in a situation with a parent that is
making you feel uncomfortable tell them that you are happy that they shared their concerns with you,
you've made a note of it and you will get back to them about it. Tell them that you are not
comfortable with the way that they are speaking to you, it is not appropriate for your meeting and you
think that the meeting either needs to stop or you need to move on. If a parent is making you feel so
uncomfortable that you do not want to be in the room with them anymore, you can either ask them
to leave or you can leave yourself. Always make sure you go and notify another member of staff
that this has happened. Make sure you have a pen and notebook with you at all times!
Don't try to have these conversations at the classroom door when you're about to start a lesson.
It's not the right time, it's not appropriate for other parents to be hearing it and you don't have
enough time to really sit down and talk to them. So scheduling a meeting is definitely helpful.
Also if you have an incident with a parent that you feel very uncomfortable with,
write it down, keep a log of this so that you have evidence to show your senior leadership
team, or if it happens again you have evidence of it happening before. Your senior leadership
team should be supporting you through this. Your safety should be their number one priority along
with the children's safety of course, and if you are feeling threatened or uncomfortable
then they should be stepping in. Have someone else with you if you feel that you're going
to be uncomfortable during this meeting and you'd like some support. There is no shame in asking for
support from another member of staff. If you are really struggling with a parent or carer and you
don't feel that you are getting suitable support from your senior leadership team
then do contact your teaching union because they will be able to give you further advice. I really
hope that those of you watching don't have to go through anything like I went through but if you
do I really hope that this video has helped to prepare you and give you some ideas of what to
do. If you found this video helpful please give it a like as it really helps out the channel and if
you want to see more videos like this do click the subscribe button and ring the bell so you always
get notified when I post a new video. Thank you so much for watching and I will see you next time.
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