You shouldn’t have had that candy bar last night, or that third can of soda, but you
did and you don’t regret it.
That is, until you woke up today with every one of your teeth and even your jaw aching.
You don’t even want to think about how many cavities you might have or what you’re going
to tell your dentist.
After all, whenever he asks if you are limiting your candy and soda intake you say “yes.”
You figure he’ll never know the difference.
Fast forward to today.
You walk to the bathroom thinking a quick brush might destroy any remaining evidence.
You start to open your mouth and your toothbrush falls from your hand into the sink.
You look in the mirror and see a mouth full of shark’s teeth.
First things first and you let out a scream.
A big one.
And then another.
Eventually, you snap out of it.
But you’re still just staring at them.
How in the world did you end up with a mouth full of shark’s teeth?
And, while you’re asking questions, what happened to your real teeth?
Suddenly you recall your last visit to the dentist when he looked at you long and hard.
It was almost as if he knew about your secret candy habit.
He said if you don't start treating them right, you’d lose your teeth.
But you’re pretty sure this isn’t what he meant.
Yet here you are.
And here they are.
And there’s nothing you can do about it.
You hesitatingly poke around a bit with your tongue to check things out.
Suddenly you taste blood.
Turns out your top teeth are now hard and jagged like a serrated knife and you just
sliced your tongue open on them.
Better to just look in a mirror.
You open up wide and tilt your head back to examine everything.
That’s when you notice that your whole front jaw seems to extend out in front to reveal
huge jagged upper teeth.
They are the shape of triangular daggers.
Before, just the pointed ends were showing.
Frightening.
You’ve never been a looker but this will completely ruin your game.
Without question.
And that’s not all.
You see that along the roof of your mouth you have yet more teeth behind them in rows.
Lots and lots of them.
You have a quick panic attack, you’re only human after all, well part human part shark,
and then return to the mirror to count.
There are five layers of teeth lining the front of your mouth.
Now that you’ve noticed them, you can’t stop touching and exploring them.
Though very, very gently, obviously.
You’re not at your smartest first thing in the morning, but you do learn from your
mistakes.
Occasionally.
You wonder if you can somehow keep this whole mess a secret.
You start trying to talk, seeing how obvious this problem of yours is and if you can conceal
it.
You conclude that it’s quite obvious.
You laugh at yourself a bit and quickly stop as your jaw does that weird thing again where
your jagged top teeth pop out and look quite threatening.
You throw some water back into your mouth and swish it around to get the blood taste
out while you think.
Ouch.
Now you’ve cut your inner cheeks on your pointy bottom teeth.
You’re starting to feel a bit sick as the coppery taste gets stronger.
Time to eat something and get rid of it.
You slowly creep down the stairs to check if the coast is clear, peering over the railing.
Suddenly, there is a sound behind you.
You gasp in terror.
As you quickly duck down you somehow slam your front teeth into it.
All becomes silent again, so you get up and examine the railing.
You’ve left a huge mark.
Neat.
You bend back down and nibble on a wooden stake in the middle connecting the top railing
to the bottom.
Snap.
It shatters in half.
Yikes, that will take some explaining.
Then you feel something fall against your tongue.
Quickly, you run back up the stairs and into the bathroom as a door opens up behind you.
Talk about crazy timing.
Once inside again you spit whatever it is into your hand.
You’re shocked to see it’s a hard, triangular tooth.
You grin.
Sure enough, there’s a gap in the top right where the tooth had once been.
Sweet.
This looks promising.
But before you can run off to find something to knock out another one, you watch in horror
as the tooth right behind where it was swivels forward.
Just a tiny bit.
But you know what’s coming.
Soon it will replace the other completely.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you think.
And this one’s even pointier.
I guess it makes sense that a predator of the deep would need to have a continual supply
of sharp and lethal teeth.
“But completely unnecessary for a bowl of cereal,” you whisper gloomily.
You jump a bit.
The front door closes signaling that your mom’s off to work.
You head back down in search of some breakfast.
A good healthy breakfast makes everything better.
You spy a chocolate chip granola bar.
You unwrap it from its packaging and smell its tempting sweet scent as you bite down
eagerly.
Your bottom teeth cut into it first and then your top ones come down and literally decapitate
the thing.
One end goes flying into the back of your throat while the other falls to the ground.
You gag and spit it out.
You bite down on it again and the same thing happens, though it’s now a smaller piece.
Eating with your current teeth is like stabbing at something with multiple knives coming together
from opposite directions.
They tear through everything nicely.
However, chewing and grinding just isn’t happening.
This is obviously a problem.
Yet also a golden opportunity.
You grab anything and everything in your pantry, including boxes of cereal and cans of corn
and have a blast completely annihilating them with vicious biting.
You fling their contents on the floors and walls and you splatter a bit on the ceiling.
You discover the leftovers from the beef roast last night and savagely tear it to pieces,
thrashing your head side to side while doing it.
You’re making quite a mess but this is the most fun you’ve had in quite some time.
You’ve just taken savage mode to a whole new level.
You’re a complete animal!
You’re a beast!
You’re----you hear a growl.
No, it wasn’t you, it was your stomach, which is less than amused and not at all patient.
It lets out another loud and angry protest.
You step carefully in the mess you made to reopen the pantry.
Now what can you eat without needing to chew?
While sharks bite into flesh and swallow the chunks whole, you’re just a normal guy with
a normal guy’s throat who needs to grind things up a bit first.
Or DO you?
You smile when you see the oatmeal.
You select the brown sugar flavor and microwave a bowl of it and fan it till it cools down.
You kind of throw it in the back of your mouth.
It’s mushy, it shouldn’t be a problem.
Again, you almost choke.
A lump of it can really stick in your throat.
You hesitate and then grab one of your mom’s chocolate diet shakes right as you hear the
front door open.
It’s your mom again.
She must have forgotten something.
You hear footsteps coming closer.
In a panic you run out the back door, through your yard, and to the sidewalk, snatching
a pair of flip flops from the back porch.
As you put them on, you’re not sure, but you think you hear a scream of horror in the
distance.
You start to feel like a bad son until you are distracted by a different problem.
Your friend is walking down your street on his way to school and you’ve been spotted.
He asks if you’re feeling okay and suspiciously eyes your dirty shirt and shorts and then
the diet shake you’re holding.
You try to hide the words “for women!” with your fingers and grunt.
Fortunately, you’re not normally much of a morning person so this almost works as a
normal response.
You feel sweat trickling down your back as you realize your friend is in your first class
so there’s really no way to get out of what’s coming.
You start walking while your brain goes a mile a minute in silent panic but without
finding any type of solution.
You pause at your school’s entrance but are pushed inside by those behind you.
You’re uncontrollably shaking.
Somehow you make it to lunch.
You, of course, can’t eat anything and just sit there rather grumpily.
You’re starving.
Your stomach hates you and is gnawing away at you from the inside and throbbing in pain.
You think about your morning.
Since you didn’t bring your backpack you got a zero on your homework.
Your teacher called on you and you tried to write “laryngitis” on a note but realized
you don’t know how to spell it.
Instead you wrote “sore throat” which got her to give you a long skeptical look
and make everyone else turn around to stare at you.
Again.
You’d already been drawing attention to yourself by being covered with splattered
vegetables, ketchup, and meat juice and wearing muddy flip flops in your classes.
The girl you like talked to you and you awkwardly grimaced instead of smiling and nodded even
though it wasn’t a yes or no question.
It was not a good morning.
You wish you could go back home to bed and crawl under the covers and just stay there.
Forever.
For the first time in your life you think that lunch is very long and almost boring.
You yawn.
That’s when you hear the first scream.
Then another.
You realize too late that your top and bottom teeth are in full view and people are staring
at them and pointing at you.
You jump to your feet and stumble backwards.
You feel hard metal smack against your ankle.
It spasms.
You trip and fall and the whole room becomes a blur around you.
Then there’s explosive pain as your head hits the ground.
But it’s not quite as hard as you expected.
Instead of the hard gym floor it almost feels like…..carpet?
You open your eyes and find that you’re in your room, tangled in covers and at the
foot of your bed.
You can hear your mom yelling at you.
Something about the dentist.
She asks if you’ve brushed your teeth yet.
Your teeth!
You reach in and feel around and start to laugh—they’re normal!
You jump to your feet, and pause at your desk to throw away a candy bar wrapper and empty
soda can.
You open the drawer and throw the rest of your candy stash in the trash with them.
Yes, it was just a dream, but all the same, you don’t want to have another one like
it ever again.
It was pretty awkward and a bit terrifying.
You brush your teeth not once but three times.
And then you smile.
Suddenly you think you’re pretty good looking.
Nothing like a shark tooth nightmare to put everything into perspective.
You run down the stairs to the car.
As you pull out of the driveway and drive down the street for your root canal, you realize
you regret throwing your candy in the trash can.
You make a mental note to fish it back out the minute you get back.
After all, what Dr. Lee doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
And, to be honest, though getting stared and screamed at wasn’t fun, completely annihilating
the kitchen was pretty awesome.
Now let us ask you a question.
What’s something fun you could do with shark’s teeth that we didn’t mention?
Let us know in the comments!
Also, be sure to check out our video Crazy Unexpected Things That Were Found Inside of
People!
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