The holidays are right around the corner,
and because Donald Trump is going to be president,
Santa can't come to America anymore
because he's a flying immigrant with a beard.
-(laughter, applause) -And... it's still hard.
It's still hard to get used to the fact
that Donald Trump will be president,
especially because he lost by two and a half million votes.
But then, he won the electoral college,
which is all that matters.
It's almost like being in a relationship.
You know how in relationships quality time matters more
than the quantity of time.
Like you'll get into fights like, "Why are you so angry?
I hung out with you all weekend!"
She'll be like, "Yeah, but you spent hours sleeping."
-You're like, "It was night!" -(laughter)
And then, all of a sudden, it doesn't count.
And if you're like me, you probably thought
that on election day
Americans were going to the polls to elect a president.
But if you did vote, your vote didn't go to Clinton or Trump
or the best third-party candidate out there-- Harambe.
He may be dead, my friends,
but at least he knows where Aleppo is.
When people voted, they were actually voting for electors
who are basically a bunch
of locally-appointed representatives
who then vote on your behalf.
Which, again, makes no sense to me.
Do you understand how weird that is?
That's like going to a deli,
but for some reason, you can't order for yourself.
You are just there at the counter like,
"Hey, uh, can I have a sandwich?"
And then there's some guy who's like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I got this. Hey, can he have a sandwich?"
(laughter)
It's a bizarre twist on an already bizarre system
because there are two ways to pick a president.
There's giving it to the person with the most votes,
-commonly known as democracy. -(laughter)
And then, there's how America does it.
We're the only democracy in the world
that doesn't count the popular vote.
This is the second time in 16 years
that the person coming into The White House
has lost the popular vote.
MAN:
a candidate who wins the most votes
gets all of that state's electoral votes.
A candidate can win millions of individual votes
in a state like Florida
and still lose all that state's electoral votes
because they lost the popular vote there.
Now if that sounded confusing, that's because it (bleep) is.
(laughter)
The person with more votes should win.
This is a weird system
because no other country decides elections this way.
It's even weird in America, you understand that.
You don't elect mayors like this in America.
You don't elect governors like this.
-You don't even elect Idols like this. -(laughter)
The presidency is the only office, where, for some reason,
you
And by the way, this is not about Trump.
You know the system is broken
because the person with more votes lost
in two of the last five elections.
That's 40%. 40%.
If a plumber told me
that every time I flushed my toilets,
there'd be a 40% chance (bleep) would spray back at me...
(laughter)
...I'd be like, "Maybe I need a new toilet.”
But America is like, "I've had this toilet for 200 years.
I'll be fine. I'll be fine."
-(imitates water whooshing)
-(laughter) -"Aah! Aah! That was horrible.
-All right, next election. Aah." -(laughter)
And you know what makes the system even worse
is that even if you didn't vote for the candidate,
you still end up voting for the candidate.
WOMAN:
takes all the electoral votes
in what's called "winner take all."
In the vast majority of states, you just need to win by one vote
to get all the electoral votes in the state.
You see that? That makes so sense.
The winner shouldn't get the loser's votes.
Can you imagine how bad the Olympics would be
if they gave the winner all the medals?
That wouldn't be fun. That's not fair.
Yeah, that's not fair.
You love Usain, but that's not fair.
What about the Russians, huh? What about the Russians?
They took so many drugs to get there.
-Come on, Usain! Come on! -(laughter)
"Winner take all" means that in big states,
even if a second-place candidate gets millions of votes,
the electoral college don't give a (bleep).
So the nearly four million people
who voted for Hillary in Texas,
or the two and a half million who voted for Trump in New York,
they just don't count.
They're like lines of dialogue in a
They're there, but they have no real value.
-(laughter) -But like it or hate it,
the electoral college is here to stay.
It's even written into the Constitution.
And, for me, whenever there's a constitutional matter
on the show, we turn to the original source.
♪ ♪
I don't know about you,
but whenever I'm in a constitutional crisis,
I open up my favorite app.
It's called Founding Fathr.
(laughter)
Just hold on.
There we go.
(zapping, whooshing)
Who summons me from ye olde store...
made of apps?
Thomas Jefferson, this is Trevor Noah.
-I have a question. -Okay, I know what you're going to say.
Yes, chances are you
(chuckles) But... all the money's gone,
-so... -N-No...
No, no.
No, uh, Mr. Jefferson, it's not about that.
It's about the electoral college.
-Oh. -Why does America need electors
to pick a president?
Why not just trust the popular vote?
(laughing loudly)
"Trust the popular vote"!
What a good joke!
Now I see why this show does so well with millennials.
You see, Trevor, in my day,
we didn't tally a popular vote for president,
we believed that common people were ill-informed
and couldn't be relied on to reject the populist demagogues.
So we devised electors to ensure that America
would never elect a dangerous, charismatic lunatic.
-(laughter) -Yeah. Well, actually,
I don't know if that worked out, you see,
because the electoral college,
America's handing the White House,
because of them, to a racist white guy
instead of a more popular, more qualified woman.
Sounds like it's working perfectly.
-What's the problem? -(laughter)
W-Well, I g... in your day,
but look, the thing is it distorts the vote.
Voters don't get the power they should,
and the candidates totally ignore
everyone outside a few swing states.
It's not a true democracy. You need to help us fix this.
Oh, well, I'd be happy to help...
-for another 99 cents. -(laughter)
Are you kidding me? You have in-app purchases?
Well, I mean, solutions are a premium feature,
and
You know what, I... I don't want to see your outfit.
-I just want the solution... -(electronic ding)
Okay, well, it's simple-- just amend the Constitution.
Well, actually, people have tried and they've failed
more than 700 times to amend the electoral college.
It doesn't work-- because you guys made it so hard.
You need two-thirds of the house
-and... -Three-quarters of the states, yeah,
I know what's in the Constitution, okay?
Look, could we have given it a bit more thought?
Sure. But building a country from scratch is (bleep) hard!
Have you ever tried to write something with a feather?
I mean, people were yelling!
We were wearing wool pants!
-(laughter) -Hamilton won't stop rapping in the corner,
so yeah!
We botched some details! Sue me!
Oh, oh, you can't, 'cause I'm a ghost.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Jefferson, I didn't mean to upset you.
Oh, well, you know, you... could make it up to me.
Oh, I'd be glad to. How do I make it up?
Well, that... that thing you did last time.
-With-with your hand. -Oh, you mean... you mean this thing?
(chuckling): Yeah. Oh, yeah. Ha-ha-ha...
Stop! Stop it! Oh, yeah!
I'm gonna (bleep) my pantaloons! Okay! Oh!