Should A Man Correct The Style Mistakes Of Others How To Help Men Improve Their Appearance
Hi!
I'm Antonio Centeno, the founder of Real Men Real Style.
Today, we're going to be talking about correcting the style mistakes of other men.
Should you or should you not do this?
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This is the question that came in.
"Antonio, I often see other men with their ties crooked or with even their top button
exposed.
Should I go up to them and correct them?
Is it all right to do this?"
A pretty simple question and something I think a lot of men who starts along their style
journey look around and they see a lot of style mistakes.
It's one of those things that -- so I own a Chevy pickup truck.
I notice everybody who has a Chevy pickup truck, especially my year and my model.
It's just something once you have it, you start to notice it, and it's the same with
style.
Once you start to know the certain little bits of rules, the things that will make a
man look better, you start to look at other men a bit more critically, and women -- well,
I've always looked at women, but really you start to look at those little details and
you start to pick up on them, and you start noticing that most men make a lot of style
mistakes.
So this gentleman, he's looking at these guys and they're exposing the top button quite
a bit.
They're maybe even not buttoning that button or they're wearing their tie crooked, maybe
not even the right knot for the collar type.
There are so many mistakes out there that guys are making.
Should you go up and correct them?
My answer is no.
Let me tell you a story about this.
A good friend of mine, Glenn Palmer over at The Gentlemen's Standard, he actually wrote
an entire blog post and he talked about how he was in an event and it's his style -- he
likes to wear -- what was it?
He's got a tie clip.
He likes to wear it a little bit to the side, just a little bit off.
That's something he likes to do.
He was talking with a group of gentlemen and a guy comes up and just adjusted it right
in front of other people and he was embarrassed.
Now, Glenn probably doesn’t remember anything that that guy said that night, but what he
does remember and what he will hold against that person is how he made him feel.
It's belittling, it's embarrassing especially if done wrong, and it's not something I think
a man should be jumping in there and correcting because it's going to really defeat the purpose.
You want to help this person improve, but you don't do that by, again, embarrassing
them in front of their peers.
That's my first thing.
Also, you don't know if they even know the rule, but perhaps they're breaking it.
Perhaps it's something that they're wanting or that's something that they enjoy.
It reminds them of something.
There's a reason for it.
You don't know, so that would be my first thing I'm going to throw out there.
If you start to do this, there are ways to do it.
I understand that some of you guys are managers.
Some of you want your team to be looking better, so let me give you a few tips on how if you
want men to change and improve their style that you can do this.
The first example is to set the example, for you to look at yourself and to make sure that
you are well put together.
One thing I learned in the Marine Corps is you lead by example.
You be the first person who no one can find anything wrong with the way you dress and
in fact, people compliment you.
People are starting to come to you for advice because they will.
People are looking for leaders.
There's a lack of leaders out there and you need to lead by example, not be looking for
the style mistakes of others.
Also, you can make this kind of a game.
So if you've got a team that you're managing or you're looking to improve the look of the
people, the lawyers that you work with, the bankers that you work with, perhaps bring
in a book.
There are a lot of them out there, about maybe a hundred different ways to tie a tie, kind
of leave it out there on your desk.
If you've got one of those break times, say, "Hey, let's try a different knot today."
It sounds kind of silly, but it's challenging.
It's like, "Hey, can you wear a different knot every day of the week?" or, "If you guys
can guess my knot, you get the Friday afternoon off."
People love games no matter how silly they are.
If it's a genuine game and if it's something that will really improve their appearance,
go for it.
There's also that you need to talk about why this is important, but don't talk about why
they need to talk about why it's important for you and why you do what you do.
Let's say you're about to go give a presentation and your team is about ready.
Instead of cramming up to the minute you're running in there, five minutes earlier, you
say, "Okay.
Guys, we're going to take a break now.
Let's compose ourselves.
What do you guys think?
Does my tie look good?
Is everything square?"
Explain, "I was just reading a study that 70% of…"
You can bring up the Mehrabian -- although that's not entirely accurate, but the whole
thing that 70% of communication is nonverbal, whatever that study said, but you bring up
something like that and everyone all of a sudden says, "Oh!
Well, how do I look?
Do I have anything in my teeth?"
People, all of a sudden, start checking themselves.
Maybe after the meeting, they'll come up and talk to you about, "Where did you get that
information?"
or "Where can I get a jacket like you're wearing?"
or "What about my shoes?"
People will come to you for advice and that's what you want to do.
You want to attract them coming to you for those style corrections, not you pointing
them out.
The only time I can think of in which you should point out if a man has style mistakes
is if you're getting paid or you've been asked, and that's a great place to be especially
the getting paid thing.
I talk with so many men who contact and they find once they have themselves put together
that the other men in their office are coming to them for advice.
They're maybe being a bit sly about it.
They're not openly telling other guys or even the other guys or their wives, but it is something
that men care about, the way they look.
Just for most guys, it's a big mystery, but when they see you being a leader, they're
going to come to you for advice.
That is how you help other men around you dress better.
Again, be careful.
You don't want to make people feel bad.
I will see you guys in the next video.
Bye-bye.