(sighs)
- Okay, I have something to tell you guys.
I know a lot of you guys think I'm single,
but I actually have an announcement to make.
I have a slug that I caught outside.
(screaming)
Why is there so many slugs?
Ew.
Not the snail dookie....
(tense music)
Okay, anyways, this is Slugrick.
Everyone say hi to Slugrick.
Slugrick says, "Hi."
(fart explosion)
(creepy voice)
Alright, today I will be downloading a bunch of dating apps
but I'm not finding love for me,
uh uh.
As y'all might know, my parents are------ NOT DEAD.
Not dead, I mean, I mean divorced, not dead.
I didn't mean dead.
My parents are divorced, which means my mother is single.
Now, she has downloaded some dating apps.
Not any of the actual good ones.
We're talking like PlentyOfFish,
I think it's called.
I don't know why they made a dating app for fish.
But anyways, in typical boomer fashion,
my mom has the same password
for every account that she owns.
And I just happen to know that password.
(laughing)
So, today I'm gonna be logging into her account.
Ooh, she's gonna be mad at me for this one.
I'm gonna log into her accounts,
change some stuff up so it's me,
but FaceTuned to look like a MILF.
And we're gonna do some cat fishing.
Let's not dillydally.
(gunshot sound)
Ah, hit me in my boob.
Let's begin.
(The Purge siren)
All right first we need our pictures to catfish with.
(laughing)
This could be very interesting.
(laughing)
This is very sus.
Ew, ew, ew, ew.
(laughing)
So that's where we're at right now.
(laughing)
(coughing)
I got a hair stuck in my mouth.
Anyways, let's take some pictures.
These pictures on the iPad,
they're something else.
(laughing)
(camera clicking)
Ew.
Why am I kind of a baddie right now?
(creepy music)
These are coming along kind of good.
If I'm being honest.
Like I look kinda milf status.
I feel like we should take a mirror selfie to be sure.
(camera clicking)
Uh, God.
All right. It's time to cause some chaos.
Let's start with very much-
(laughing)
Ew. Why do I look like that?
This is the industrial revolution and its consequences.
What does big face do?
I think we'll go with this.
Let's get a few more, so we have like a set.
Ew, ew.
I look like Selena Gomez if she never was
a wizard at Waverley Place.
Wow, I look cute as hell.
Tell me, that's not the cutest face ever.
All right.
We have to do the mirror selfie. We have to.
So, all right, here we go.
(laughing)
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.
Now we're gonna go to photos and crop out the Face app.
Cause no free promo, baby.
I can't look at it. It's so funny.
Imagine my mom just decides to go on
like one of these dating apps
just for fun today and sees this.
She just sees her own son,
but as like a 40 year old white mom
Okay I just added the pictures to Match.com.
We're gonna change the name up to something fun.
I'm thinking like, Bungh?
Bungh-ho!
The scariest thing I've ever done?
Felony manslaughter.
My mom is gonna kill me bro.
I can't do that. I'm literally gonna have
the police at my door.
Felony...
Felony tax evasion.
(smooth music)
What is this bio y'all?
For fun I like to,
"Do a short but intense workout on the beach
followed by swim in the warm Pacific Ocean.
A croissant and coffee with fruit, the day has just begun.
Whoa. Sprezzatura.
I know that's not your name.
If I see one more goddamn motorcycle.
(screaming)
I can smell this image.
- [Voice] It smells sour like funky.
- You know what? Joe seems like a cool dude.
What a cool dude this is.
I'll know I've found the one when you smile a lot.
What a cool dude.
Why does he look so sad?
Oh, nevermind.
(disgust noise)
Guy next door? I'm moving then.
Ed. How many goddamn Eds are there on this app?
And they all look the same.
Every Ed looks the same.
What is going on in this picture?
(laughing)
This man, had to choose this image.
And this is the one he chose.
Like!
You know what? Sean seems fun.
Aside from this image.
Sean seems fun with his little tomatoes.
All right.
Now we're adding our pictures to PlentyOfFish.
Just to test the waters, of a different app.
What is going on here?
Oh, this is such a slide show of specimens.
This is a lot to process.
Man.
(laughing)
I've done the dirty.
I've liked as many pictures as I can.
We're going to see who we match with.
I'm gonna go to sleep.
Probably won't be able to sleep.
Probably gonna have some
absolute sleep paralysis nightmares
from the images I just saw.
But I'll see you in the morning,
and we'll see who Bungh-ho has a date with.
Wait, before you go to bed,
I literally forgot about my slug.
I'll let him go.
(smashing sound effect)
Rest in peace my squishmallow.
He was a great squishmallow.
Um, it's time.
It is time to see who Bungh-ho has as a potential lover.
I haven't checked my notifications on my iPad
at all- why do I have an apple pencil?
I literally don't need this.
We have 12 matches.
Y'all what the hell?
Let's start with fuphill.
Hello? How are you Beautiful?
Ahh.
My name Bungh-ho.
I'm gorgeous, how are you?
All right, next we have Joe,
likes (interrupted by ad)
Not really.
(laughing)
Hi. I'm Joe.
Joemama.
(laughing)
Next we have FolkDancer5.
Love your charming smile on your beautiful face.
No expectations,
I know I live far.
I would walk a thousand miles for you Vic.
Next we have vibrant70 Uhuru.
Hi.
Heyyy.
Ronnyveiw in brackets Ronny View.
What? Wait, what is this?
What is this profile picture?
Why is that what he leads with?
Oh, what is going on?
About Ronny View,
I just thought I would change my bio.
I don't know about you,
but it is screwed up now.
COVID but don't get me wrongee,
but I feel it's a new start.
Virgin.
(laughing)
Why did he put that in?
But that means nothing just a joke.
Question mark, question mark.
I love not talking.
What I like love to now.
What you like, I will dot fo anything.
No problem.
Not I mean nothing I will not do, LOL.
Life should be fun and happy with the one you love.
Did any of y'all understand a single word
from that entire paragraph?
You're cute but look like a bad.
I think we might.
I think we should.
Ugh my God.
Now we have Doug.
How are you going beautiful?
You are such a sexy woman Jen
and I hope we can chat sometime
and get to know each other better.
Oh my God.
I hope you spit in my mouth.
Now we have 50shadesoffunforyou.
Hello? How is your morning going?
I wet my adult diaper
All right, all right.
We got Chachi68.
How are you?
My name is Luciano.
Okay.
I'm a class clown.
I speak Italian.
Oh, he's Italian. Okay, okay.
Good thing we have the trigger warning.
Can I have your pasta noodle?
All right, next we have Sanatt.
Aka David.
Hi there, I am single and looking for someone
as friendship and long-term relationships.
I am romantic, healthy, active,
curing, foody, kissy, tasty
smoke and drug free.
He needs some commas.
Why does he look like the standing emoji?
Why was this taken in like the lobby of a Denny's?
What is ha-
(laughing)
Children.
If you're watching this at home, please never meet
up with a random person that you meet online.
Please never do that.
Please never do, please don't do what I'm about to do.
I will be bringing my taser so don't even worry, baby.
Okay. I'm gonna wait a bit.
See what responses we get.
See if I can arrange a date and then we'll see.
We'll see.
Okay.
It's been a couple of hours
and I checked the messages.
I don't know if I'm happy or sad that I scared
off the majority of them.
I have a date, or I mean, Bungh-ho has a date, not me.
So this was with Ronny Veiw after I said, I think we should.
Ronny Veiw said, may I coffee you at Starbucks m'lady?
So, so, so, so, so, so, so
I said, yes mm, yes Starbucks at Park Royal
at 4:00 PM, please, mm.
And he said, okay, I will see you sensually at 4:00 PM.
So guess where I'm going at 4:00 PM?
My kidnapping site.
I'm gonna go with friends and I'm bringing my taser.
Like I said, kids don't do this at home.
Let's go.
All right.
I'm a master of camouflage and disguise.
This is a Starbucks home Depot.
When do you ever see that?
I'm scared.
(intense music)
(bass pounding)
Hi there. Oh, I mean, Hi.
- [Server] Hi, what can I get for you?
- Can I get a tall dragon fruit refresher
with no ice, please?
Uh, Bungh.
- [Server] Bob?
- Bungh.
(screaming)
- Tall dragon drink no ice.
- Oh yeah, thank you.
All right, I've got my beverage.
I messaged him that I'm at the front table outside so-
(car horn)
Oh, I thought that was him.
I'm gonna wait a bit.
Well, well, it's been 30 minutes.
I got stood up, bruh.
Uh uh, I'm leaving.
It's a disaster.
This was horrible.
They put Bob on my cup,
when I said Bungh-ho.
And I got stood up.
Well, this was an experience that I never ever
want to do again.
I really hope you enjoyed this.
Mom, deactivate all your accounts
on any dating apps, please, please, please.
Real quick before I go,
I just want to say thank you so freaking much
for 500,000 followers on Instagram.
That is insane.
I just posted a lil picture to celebrate.
So if you want to go check that out,
my Instagram is @benoftheweek.
And maybe you can make that five hundred thousand and one.
Also, comment some bird emojis
so I know you came from this video,
and I will like your comment.
Also, I have a new podcast episode out,
if you want to hear more of me.
That is linked in the description.
Anyways, I will see you all next Sunday.
Take care.
Love you so much better.
Ben of the Week.
It's chill.
(outro music)