So, you're having challenges with your kids not listening to you? Yeah, I know,
right? What's happening? How come they won't
listen to you? What is it that you're doing? Or what is it that you can do to
actually improve this situation so they can hear you? Let's talk. Watch the whole
video I got for you here and I'm going to share with you what you can do to be
able to get the attention of your kids.
Hey, it's Kirk and we're going to talk about kids and we're going to talk about why they
don't listen to you. What is going on? How come how come these kids won't listen to
you? And how many times do you have to say the same thing over and over and
over again before they finally listen to you? You're probably even counting. "I've
told you 10 times." You know, that has no impact at all. In fact, it actually kind
of calls out that you have a problem. So, if you have to say it more than 3
times, you're having a struggle with a communication challenge. You counting, "I've
told you 20 times, I told you 10 times", it does not impress a kid, does not help
them. So let's get beyond all those kind of tactics. Let's talk about why kids are
not listening to you? Okay, number 1 you're talking over their head. When you
talk to a teenager, when you talk to a 10-year old to 12-year old, you need to
speak on their level. Now, what is their level? What you need to listen to them?
You know, just like if you're going to go to another country and go speak their
language, you need to listen to their language? So, that you can speak their
language or you get a book or a program to learn the language of those people in
that country so you can communicate with those people. A 12-year old has different
language than you as a mom or a dad. They speak a different language. A 17-year old
has different language than you. A 5-year old has different language. You literally
have a family of kids who literally are from all these different countries. The
countries called 12-year old, 5-year old, 17-year old. And they're all from
different countries. And so, what happens to parents is that they see their kids,
their kids are part of their family and then as the dad or the mom, what happens
is you speak to them from adult conversations with adult and energy, with
adult intensity, with an adult level of trying to understand things.
Remember that kids are in training. They are always in training. They're learning
about life. They're not going to figure out life. You know, I'm 49. I'm 49 years
old. Shees! 49 years old. And if I speak to my 25 year old like he's a 49-year old,
like Who I am, that's like 24 years ahead of him.
There's no way he's going to understand me. I need to come down to their level. And
speak their language which means I need to listen to them. How are they talking,
how are they feeling, how do they explain things in their life. Doesn't that just
make sense? We're going to lose the conversation with our children when we
speak from our country. We need to speak their country language, right? So, we
listen to them, we notice. How they use language, how they describe things. And
also the way in which they describe things. Listen to how people talk and
you'll learn how to talk to the people. Listen to the person, you'll now learn
how to talk to the person. Listen to the person. It's the only way you're going to
be able to calibrate to fit their language. And until you hear me on this,
you're going to be frustrated. And you're going to have unnecessary contention
between you and that child. So, here's my drawing. And you're talking too big. Too big
using everyday language. You know, and it's too big for the child. And what
they're looking for is they're looking for the simple. Just the simple. The
simple conversation that literally (The blue line) is on their level. You're
talking big. They need simple. They need you to simplify. And the reason why you
have to keep repeating yourself over and over
is because the way in which you're talking does not match that person. I
have 3 boys. And my 3 different boys, I got to speak to them differently.
I don't speak to them the exact same way. I have two daughter-in-laws. I don't talk
to one daughter-in-law the same way I talked to the other daughter-in-law. "But
Kirk, how do you remember all these different languages?" It's because they
care about them and I love them. And I want to communicate with them. And all I
got to do is start a conversation with them and listen to see where they're at
and so I can speak to them. But just remember, that if you want to connect to
your child, you need to speak on the level that your child is speaking. And
sometimes that means physically. If your child is shorter, you either need to sit
in a chair so you can get eyeball-to-eyeball. Or you need to kneel
down or lean on a counter to get to the height of your teenager. Or some, you need
to crawl up a ladder, right? Because they're so stinking solid like, "Whoa
how'd you get some big?" But how can you get eyeball-to-eyeball?
If one of your kids is taller than you, then say, "Hey, come here. Let's sit at the
table for a second. I want to share something with you." And I know that
doesn't work in every situation. But the idea is eyeball to eyeball. Brain level
to brain level. And there's something magical about, you know, being eyeball to
eyeball with an 8-year-old. If you stand there looking down on an
8-year-old you will speak from adult language but something magical happens
when you kneel down. And you get to their level. And you're eyeball-to-eyeball with
an 8-year-old. What happens is you notice your voice changes. The words you
use changes, the the sentence structure changes. You actually calibrate to speak
to an 8-year-old. Then if somebody's carrying a little tiny baby, do you walk
up to that little baby and go, "So, how's your day?" You don't say that
to a baby. So you'll notice that even when you walk up to a little baby, you
actually calibrate to the baby. And you don't even hardly
say any word. You just go, "Ahwee..." You just start making all these funny little
noises and googly noises. And you're calibrating yourself to the baby. And we
calibrate ourselves to the 8-year-old when we kneel down in
front of them. So maybe the challenge between you and your children now
listening to you is you. Maybe it's you. Maybe you need to calibrate to them. And
when you have multiple kids, that's quite the experience with all these
conversations going on. And when you have multiple kids, what matters in the
conversation is eye contact. When you're not looking at the child, you're speaking
to like... Let's say you're the child I'm talking to. And I'm looking at all these
other kids when I'm talking to you, you're not going to feel like you're
being spoken to. I contact with conversation. Eye contact level and eye
contact with the conversation is going to naturally help you calibrate to be able
to be on their level so that they can hear you. And I know, it takes work. But
the way you've been doing it and they're now listening to you, you're going to burn
out because you keep saying it over and over again. And then you're going to have
that frustrated and intense sound in your voice. And then the kids are me like,
"Oh, mom. Oh, dad. Watch out for them. They're being all grumpy today."
It doesn't have to be that way. We're the ones in charge of training our kids.
We're in charge of training them how valuable it is to connect. Now, here's
something else to think about. Usually, a parent is in charge of
saying to their children, "Clean up your room, do the dishes, do your homework,
get up, get to school, get home on time, help with the family..." We're
usually issuing a lot of to do activities. And what happens to kids as
they grow up is they start to label you as, "Oh, dad's home. We're going to have to
work. Oh, mom's home, we're going to have to clean up the house." And they start to
label you as work. And kids would rather play than work,
right? We would... You know, as adults, we'd rather play than work. But what happens
is if you get labeled as work, then they start to avoid you. And when they start
to avoid you, they begin to avoid listening to you. And now, that they're
avoiding listening to you, they don't hear you. So, when your kids don't listen
to you, somehow they've labeled you as something of... Something down the scale. So,
what's happening is they are labeling you as work or the not fun zone. And so,
they tune you out. So maybe what you need to do is you also need to be the one in
charge of playtime. Be the one in charge of family games. Be the one in charge of
all the great things that can happen too. And if you're not having play time and
you're not having family get-together time and playing games and those kind of
things, maybe today is a good day to start scheduling that. You might be the
kind of person who says, "We can't play until all the work is done." And I don't
know if you've noticed. But the work, there's a lot of it. I think we'd go for
a certain amount of time and then you play. And then you go for a certain
amount of time and then you play. If your kids have tuned you out,
they've relabeled you in their mind. Go play with them. Go do something fun. It
doesn't have to be expensive at all but you can go do something fun. And your
kids will hear you. You be the one who talked about play and you get on their
level, they will hear you. They have ears, they have brains and they do have
attention. But it's us who needs to calibrate to them. Okay, great things,
right? it's all good. Well, you can make some great differences in your family
today. And instead of trying to like trying to calibrate to every child, just
pick one. You know, that's... Just pick one. Oh! And also, click subscribe so I could
share more with you. We've got a lot of great training coming to you here over
my years of being a dad and a business owner and especially teaching thousands
and thousands of people of the last 15 years. Love to share with you. Click
subscribe. And also, check out this class. There's a link right here. 3-day
training course called Master Your Influence. I think that'd be a great
training for you to get to. Here in Salt Lake City. You'll love it. Click the link
and I'll see you in the next video.