>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.
HELLO, JON ♪ PLEASE, SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE ♪
>> Stephen: AND SWALLOW THOSE BISCUITS TOO.
HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE BISCUITS?
HAVE YOUR MOM AND DAD GOT THE BISCUITS IN LOSE?
>> Jon: WE GOT THE BISCUITS!
OH, MY GOODNESS!
I GOT MY SHM TODAY, AND I'M BAKING A LOT OF STUFF, BUT THE
BISCUIT IS KING.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO.
THEY USE SOME OF THAT SOUTHERN WITCHCRAFT IN THERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.
IT'S THE SALT WATER.
I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
PLEASE GIVE MY LOVE TO YOUR PARENTS.
>> Jon: YES, INDEED, MUCH LOVE.
THEY LOVED YOUR OBAMA INTERVIEW, SO MUCH MUTUAL RESPECT.
>> Stephen: TELL THEM TO CHECK OUT MONDAY.
WE HAVE ANOTHER 35-40 MINUTES ON MONDAY.
>> Jon: FOR SURE.
>> Stephen: HAPPY THANKSGIVING, STAY SAFE.
>> Jon: YOU, TOO, HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVIE AND THE
WHOLE FAMILY.
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, THE PRESIDENT MAY FINALLY BE ALLOWING THE PEACEFUL
TRANSITION OF POWER, BUT HE'S ALSO VOWED TO WIN HIS LEGAL
BATTLE TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION.
UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM, THE PERSON IN CHARGE OF THAT LEGAL
FIGHT IS RUDY GIUILANI.
AND THIS HAS NOT EXACTLY BEEN RUDY'S MONTH.
FIRST, HE GOT CAUGHT IN THE "BORAT" SEQUEL DEMANDING ALL
RISE IN THE COURTROOM OF HIS PANTS.
THEN HE HELD A PRESS CONFERENCE AT A LANDSCAPING COMPANY NEXT TO
A PORN SHOP, FOLLOWED BY A LESS-THAN-STELLAR PERFORMANCE IN
COURT, WHERE, WHILE READING FROM THE COMPLAINT HE WAS FILING,
GIULIANI STOPPED TO SAY, "I'M NOT QUITE SURE I KNOW WHAT
"OPACITY" MEANS.
IT PROBABLY MEANS YOU CAN SEE, RIGHT?"
TO WHICH THE JUDGE SAID, "IT MEANS YOU CAN'T."
TO WHICH RUDY REPLIED, "BIG WORDS, YOUR HONOR."
OKAY, THEN I'LL USE SMALL ONES: WOW...
YOU...
SUCK...
AT...
LAW...
STUFF.
THEN, OF COURSE, THERE WAS HIS UNHINGED PRESS CONFERENCE LAST
WEEK, WHERE GIULIANI CITED "MY COUSIN VINNY" TO EXPLAIN THE
PRESIDENT'S LEGAL CHALLENGE, AND SPOUTED CONSPIRACY THEORIES
ABOUT U.S. VOTES BEING "COUNTED IN EUROPE BY A COMPANY OWNED BY
VENEZUELA'S SOCIALIST LEADERS," AND HOW BALLOTS COULD BE CAST BY
'A DEAD PERSON' OR 'MICKEY MOUSE.'"
AND IF THAT WASN'T EMBARRASSING ENOUGH, HE DELIVERED THAT PRESS
CONFERENCE WITH STREAMS OF HAIR DYE DRIPPING DOWN HIS FACE.
SO THE ONLY EVIDENCE THAT RUDY HAS UNCOVERED IS THAT HE'S NOT A
NATURAL BRUNETTE.
AND AFTER ALL THAT, IT'S BEING REPORTED THAT THE PRESIDENT NOW
BELIEVES THAT RUDY AND HIS TEAM ARE "FOOLS THAT ARE MAKING HIM
LOOK BAD."
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THEY ARE FOOLS WHO, BY COMPARISON, ARE MAKING HIM LOOK
PRETTY GOOD.
SO NOW THE PRESIDENT'S LAWYER IS IN THE MIDST OF A LEGAL FIGHT HE
CAN'T WIN ON BEHALF OF A CLIENT WHO NO LONGER TRUSTS HIM.
HERE TO TELL US WHAT THIS ALL MEANS IS THE PRESIDENT'S
PERSONAL LAWYER HIMSELF, RUDY GIULIANI.
MR. MAYOR?
THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME, NOW, THERE'S A LOT TO TALK
ABOUT, SIR.
>> HOLD ON!
STOP!
BEFORE WE START THE INTERVIEW, I HAVE TO ASK: ARE YOU A BORAT?
BECAUSE, LEGALLY, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF YOU'RE A BORAT!
>> Stephen: NO, MR. MAYOR, I AM NOT A BORAT.
>> GOOD.
LET ME TURN ON THE MICROPHONE I'VE HIDDEN IN MY PANTS.
HELLO?
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
>> Stephen: YES, I CAN HEAR YOU.
>> GOOD, THEN MY CROTCH IS WORKING.
>> Stephen: LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT, SIR: HAVE YOU LOST THE
PRESIDENT'S TRUST BY SPOUTING SO MANY UNFOUNDED CONSPIRACY
THEORIES?
>> I HAVEN'T LOST HIS TRUST!
IT WAS STOLEN!
JUST LIKE ALL THE VOTES THAT WERE STOLEN BY THE SOCIALISTS AT
EURO-DISNEY!
AND IT'S NOT JUST MICKEY MOUSE!
I HAVE A SIGNED AFFIDAVIT SWEARING THAT THERE WAS A SINGLE
DALMATIAN WHO VOTED 101 TIMES!
>> Stephen: BUT, SIR, SIR, ALL YOUR CLAIMS ABOUT VOTER FRAUD
HAVE BEEN DEBUNKED.
>> I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT "DEBUNK" MEANS.
IT PROBABLY MEANS IT'S "NOT" BUNK, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: NO.
IT MEANS THEY ARE BUNK.
>> BIG WORDS, STEPHEN!
NO LAWYER CAN UNDERSTAND THIS STUFF, NOT EVEN MY BRILLIANT
LEGAL PARTNER, ROBERT MONDAVI, ESQUIRE.
THANK YOU, COUNSEL.
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF YOUR LEGAL PARTNERS, YOU EVEN FIRED
ONE OF THE ATTORNEYS FROM LAST WEEK'S PRESS CONFERENCE, SIDNEY
POWELL.
IS THERE ANYONE LEFT WHO IS HELPING YOU DEFEND THE
PRESIDENT?
>> OF COURSE.
WE'VE ALREADY REPLACED SIDNEY POWELL WITH AN EVEN BETTER
LAWYER: A YOUNG WOMAN NAMED ELLE WOODS WHO WENT TO HARVARD
LAW TO IMPRESS HER EX-BOYFRIEND.
>> Stephen: MR. MAYOR, I'M PRETTY SURE ELLE WOODS
IS REESE WITHERSPOON'S CHARACTER FROM "LEGALLY BLONDE."
YOU ALSO TALKED ABOUT "MY COUSIN VINNY."
ARE ALL YOUR LEGAL IDEAS JUST STOLEN FROM MOVIES?
>> STEPHEN, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE RIGGED VOTING MACHINES USED IN THIS
ELECTION WERE ACTUALLY ROBOTS SENT HERE FROM THE FUTURE?
IT'S ALL HERE IN MY LEGAL FILING: "T2: JUDGEMENT DAY."
SKYNET IS ON HUNTER BIDEN'S LAPTOP!
HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!
YOU KNOW WHO SAID THAT?
HUGO CHAVEZ!
>> Stephen: MR. MAYOR, YOUR LEGAL ARGUMENTS CLEARLY AREN'T
WORKING.
SO AREN'T THESE CONTINUED CLAIMS OF ELECTION FRAUD JUST WEAKENING
FAITH IN OUR DEMOCRACY?
>> SORRY, STEPHEN.
I COULDN'T HEAR YOU.
I WAS HAVING MY FIRST DRINK OF THE DAY.
>> Stephen: SIR, THAT I >> Stephen: SIR, THAT IS
CLEARLY NOT YOUR FIRST DRINK.
>> WELL, IF YOU'RE DISPUTING THE RESULTS, I DEMAND A RECOUNT!
ONE.
TWO.
THIS STATE IS GOING RED!
>> Stephen: MR. GIULIANI, YOU WERE ONCE A RESPECTED FIGURE IN
MORE THAN POLITICS AND LAW.
AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT SACRIFICING YOUR REPUTATION FOR
A PRESIDENT WHO NOW SAYS YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL?
>> A FOOL!
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A FOOL I'M COOL, CALM, AND COHERENT.
I'M AMERICA'S MAYOR, BABY!
>> Stephen: SIR, DO YOU HAVE HAIR DYE ON YOUR FACE AGAIN?
>> LIES!
I DON'T USE HAIR DYE.
WHEN I HIT CAPACITY, MY BODY EXCRETES MERLOT.
IT'S NOT EMBARRASSING.
IT'S CONVENIENT!
HERE NOW.
I'M GETTING NOTES OF LEATHER AND BLACKBERRY.
>> Stephen: ISN'T THIS EXACTLY THE KIND OF BEHAVIOR THAT HAS
MADE THE PRESIDENT DISTANCE HIMSELF FROM YOU?
>> THE PRESIDENT HASN'T DISTANCED HIMSELF.
HE'S BEING DRAGGED AWAY FROM ME INTO THE ETHEREAL REALM BY THE
GHOSTS OF DEAD VOTERS FROM PENNSYLVANIA.
I'M COMING, MR. PRESIDENT!
>> Stephen: RUDY GIULIANI, EVERYBODY!