You have a lot of choices when selecting which flavors of Girl Scout Cookies to buy, but
not all the choices are created equal.
Here's the definitive ranking of Girl Scout Cookies, even some long-lost retired varieties,
starting with the worst and ending with the best.
Toffee-Tastic cookies are gluten-free. and that fact is painfully obvious.
These cookies are extremely crumbly, and not in a satisfying way.
Instead, if the cookie hasn't crumbled before you pick it up, it may fall apart before you
can actually eat it.
The texture is kind of like eating a mixture of sand and chalk.
If you don't keep your lips closed while chewing and swallowing, don't be surprised if a plume
of cookie dust begins to emanate from your mouth.
To take matters from bad to worse, the flavor is lacking.
There's not enough toffee in these cookies to be worthy of the Toffee-tastic moniker
but just enough to get stuck in your teeth.
To top it off, these bland cookies are salty.
The saltiness is the primary flavor you'll taste after eating two or three of these things.
"Pretty dry.
And too salty."
Even if Toffee-Tastic is the last variety of Girl Scout Cookies left when you're ordering,
you should still pass.
A new variety of Girl Scout Cookies for 2020, Lemon-Ups are a home run when it comes to
encouragement and motivation, as each cookie contains an inspirational message, such as
"I am a go-getter" or "I am strong."
While the words are noble and could bolster your day, that's about the extent of the list
of positives when it comes to Lemon-Ups.
These cookies fail to pick a lane.
Instead of being either a sweet treat or a delightfully sour goody, Lemon-Ups tried to
achieve both, and the result is an unmitigated disaster.
The first thing you'll taste when bite into one of these crispy Girl Scout Cookies is
the sweetness from the iced bottom of the cookie, which is unpleasantly overpowering.
Before your taste buds have time to adjust to the sweetness, you are hit with an equally
pungent sour sensation from the soft top of the cookie.
While the multiple textures of Lemon-Ups is somewhat pleasing for your mouth and the inspirational
messages could brighten your day, the actual taste of these cookies will have you regretting
your choice.
If you like the combination of shortbread with chocolate, you may be tempted by Thanks-A-Lot
Girl Scout Cookies.
And visually, these cookies seem like the perfect selection.
But once you try one, you'll realize the taste doesn't live up to the appearance.
These cookies aren't bad, but compared to something like Milano cookies or even generic
cookies you can find at Trader Joe's, Thanks-A-Lots are underwhelming.
The main issue with these Girl Scout Cookies is the fact that the chocolate fudge doesn't
have enough flavor.
Instead of a chocolatey rush, you only get a waxy disappointment.
The shortbread is acceptable, but it doesn't make up for the depressing excuse for chocolate.
The only thing that will help to keep your spirits up are the words "Thank You" on each
cookie, in any of five languages including Swahili and Chinese.
Apparently, the Girl Scouts have gotten the message.
because they are cancelling sales of Thanks-a-Lots as of 2021.
Until then, if a Girl Scout offers you a box of these cookies, say no thanks.
The Girl Scout Cookie bakeries can whip up all types of great goodies but always come
up short when lemons are involved.
Lemonades aren't as woeful as the aforementioned Lemon-Ups, but they're still not worth buying.
These cookies have shortbread on one side, with lemon icing on the other.
Unfortunately, the shortbread is just a placeholder and lacks much of a distinguishable taste,
while the lemon icing has an artificial flavor.
They taste like those diet cookies you ate once and learned never to eat again.
Soon, Lemonades and Lemon-Ups will join the ranks of other lemon-infused Girl Scout Cookies
that were failures, alongside Savannah Smiles and Lemon Chalet Cremes.
Instead of trying a new lemon concoction seemingly every year, the Girl Scouts would be smart
to just give up on their dream of making a quality citrus flavored cookie.
There's a lot to like about the Caramel Chocolate Chip Girl Scout Cookies.
If you like standard chocolate chip cookies, you'll probably like these.
The chips are scrumptious morsels of semisweet chocolate, the caramel flavor is unmistakable
and rich, and there's even a pinch of sea salt in each cookie to enhance all the flavors.
"But they're also gluten free!
So that's exciting!"
Or maybe not.
While Caramel Chocolate Chip is a winner taste-wise, the fact that it's gluten-free causes it to
have many of the same shortcomings as Toffee-tastic.
When you think of a chocolate chip cookie, you're envisioning a soft goodness that melts
on your tongue.
But since these cookies are missing gluten and gluten is what gives cookies their softness
and elasticity, the texture of these Girl Scout Cookies will leave you feeling let down.
If you aren't one of the less than one percent of the population in North America with celiac
disease and you don't care about the texture of your cookies, have at it.
But be warned that you'll be dreaming about your grandma's soft and chewy chocolate chip
cookies by the time you get halfway through a box of these.
Girl Scout Cookies are made by two different bakers: ABC Bakers and Little Brownie Bakers.
"All the cookies are not baked at the same Girl Scout factory."
While one baker isn't noticeably and consistently better than the other, the cookies they produce
aren't exactly the same, even if they share names.
That's most obvious when it comes to Girl Scout S'mores, for which the two bakeries
took a completely different approach.
Girl Scout S'mores by ABC Bakers are covered with chocolate.
Inside of the chocolate coating you will discover exactly what you'd expect in a s'more: graham
cracker and marshmallow.
ABC uses a lot more graham cracker than marshmallow, which could be disappointing for those who
love s'mores for their marshmallowy goodness, though the ratios sometimes seem to vary.
And while the chocolate coating sounds good in theory, it can get a bit messy on a hot day.
The Girl Scout S'mores cookies made by Little Brownie Bakers are a step above the ABC Bakers
version.
These don't have a chocolate coating.
Like in a traditional s'more, the chocolate rests with a layer of marshmallow between
two graham-cracker-like cookies.
Not only is this version less messy without the chocolate coating, the chocolate inside
is richer, the marshmallow is more genuinely gooey, and the graham sandwich holding it
all together tastes like it came straight from a childhood campfire.
Plus, each cookie comes with a design representing a Girl Scouts outdoor merit badge.
Without the Girl Scouts, s'mores would likely never have been as popular as they are.
The very first s'mores recipe appeared in print in a guidebook called Tramping and Trailing
with the Girl Scouts back in 1927.
At the time, the recipe was called "Some More" but as time passed, the abbreviated name became
a part of broader American culture.
Shortbread and Trefoils Girl Scout Cookies are basically the same.
The cookies just called Shortbread are made by ABC Bakers, while Trefoils are made by
Little Brownie Bakers.
What makes these cookies so good is their simplicity.
There's nothing special, complicated, or fancy at work.
It's just shortbread.
But this shortbread manages to have a splendid buttery taste while still packing a satisfying crunch.
The only thing stopping these goodies from rising on this ranking is that eventually
your taste buds will want something a little more complex.
If you have a choice of either Shortbread cookies by ABC Bakers or Trefoils cookies
by Little Brownie Bakers, go with the Trefoils.
While Trefoils have slightly more calories and slightly more fat than Shortbread, they
have a rich buttery taste that makes it worth it.
But the Shortbread cookies are fine in their own right, and you shouldn't skip them just
because Trefoils aren't available.
Scot-Teas Girl Scout Cookies were just like Trefoils, except they kicked things up a notch
with sugar sprinkled on top of each cookie.
While Trefoils can get boring after a while, the added sugary surprise ensured that Scot-Teas
didn't suffer the same fate.
Scot-Teas had been around since 1959, and the move to discontinue them didn't go unnoticed.
There's even a Facebook page calling for the return of Scot-Teas.
Maybe the sugar was removed for health reasons or maybe the change was meant to make the
production process easier.
Either way, the people who remember them clearly miss their Scot-Teas.
Juliettes are another favorite from yesteryear, only available for a few years in the mid-'80s
and mid-'90s.
Pretty similar in outward appearance to a Tagalong, they were coated with milk chocolate,
with a delicious combination of pecan pieces and caramel inside.
Their name paid homage to Juliette Gordon Low, the founder of the Girl Scouts of the USA.
Born in 1860, she made Girl Scouts a reality in 1912 with the hopes of empowering girls
and helping them to reach their potential in life.
Along the path to reaching that goal, the rest of the population has been blessed with
wonderful cookies to enjoy, with their messages of empowerment and inclusion.
"You cried at a box of Girl Scout Cookies!"
"Danny, a little black girl and a little white girl were petting a horse together.
Sorry for being human!"
Unlike the lemon flavors, the Girl Scouts' peanut butter varieties are almost always
wonderful.
That holds true for the Do-si-dos from Little Brownie Bakers or the Peanut Butter Sandwich
cookies from ABC Bakers.
Do-si-dos and Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies look exactly the same and more or less taste
the same.
The outer layer of this cookie sandwich is made with oatmeal, which has a pleasing crunch
about it that adds to the overall experience of eating these cookies.
Inside the cookie is a luscious slathering of peanut butter.
The peanut butter is the creamy type that will tickle your taste buds as it dissolves
in your mouth.
As a whole, the cookie has a perfect balance of sweetness and saltiness.
It should be noted that Do-si-dos cookies have slightly more carbs, while Peanut Butter
Sandwich cookies have slightly more calories.
Evidently, the recipe and composition is different, but you won't be able to tell.
Two more peanut butter-powered slam dunks are the Peanut Butter Patties and Tagalongs.
These Girl Scout Cookies don't just have a coating of chocolate, they have a full-blown shell.
Once you crack the shell, you will be met by a burst of peanut butter.
While the peanut butter isn't as creamy as in the Do-si-dos and Peanut Butter Sandwich
cookies, it's even better tasting.
It has a deep peanut flavor that meshes with the chocolate to form the ultimate food power couple.
Peanut Butter Patties are made by ABC Bakers, while Tagalongs are made by Little Brownie Bakers.
Although they aren't an exact replica of each other taste-wise, they're close enough to
be interchangeable.
If you live for mint-flavored snacks, Thin Mints are your dream.
These aren't just the best mint cookies on the market, they might be the best mint-flavored
food available anywhere.
"Are those Thin Mints?"
"Aw yeah, big time, dude.
I love these things."
A coating of chocolate holds in the minty goodness.
The only way you won't enjoy this variety of Girl Scout Cookies is if you don't like
mint to begin with.
Otherwise, there's no chance they won't make you overjoyed.
Thin Mints have a storied history dating back to 1939, when they were known as "Cooky-Mints."
Through the years, the name has changed multiple times, but they've remained a favorite for
everyone smart enough to take their first bite of one.
If you haven't tried a Thin Mint, do the smart thing and go track down a box.
Before you know it, you'll be stockpiling them for a year-round cool treat.
Not only are ABC Bakers' Caramel deLites and Little Brownie Bakers' Samoas the best variety
of Girl Scout Cookies, they are in the running for the best cookies on the planet.
They're at least in the conversation.
While those who don't like mint will have a right to shun Thin Mints, no sane person
would turn down one of these masterpieces of cookie craft.
Caramel deLites and Samoas are vanilla cookies covered by rich yet smooth chocolate, mouth-watering
caramel, and then blessed with toasted coconut and drizzled with more chocolate.
The combination might sound daring but the result is heaven in cookie form.
Once you get started eating these delectable goodies, you will soon realize that one or
two boxes won't be enough.
Even if you need to beg your neighbor's daughter who's in the Girl Scouts to re-up your supply,
the extra effort will be worth it once your munching has commenced.
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