[Music]
are you living with fear
already living in fear what is it and
how do we define it we all have fears it
could be a fear of failure it could be a
fear linked to a live situation
education the future it could even be
FOMO fear of missing out the list is
absolutely endless but don't be fooled
by fear it stands for false evidence
appearing real I want you to think about
what fear means to you does it look like
in your world and what does it feel like
for you okay in a moment a couple of
situations and scenarios are going to
appear on screen and I want to think
about the level of fear you might have
if you suddenly found yourself in that
situation now you've got some cards on
your chairs if you feel that you would
have a particularly high level of fear
in that situation I want you to hold
about green card if you feel that you
would have a medium level of fear where
you might be a little bit scared
sometimes but not all the time wait to
hold up the orange card and if you feel
like no I've got this no level of fear
for me and we'd hold that blue card okay
the first one is jumping out of a plane
now I might add at this point that you
would have a parachute attached clearly
jumping out of a plane without a
parachute might be a little bit more
scary so doing a parachute jump out of a
plane how does that make you feel hell
those cards up nice and high is it green
is it orange or is it blue hold them up
lovely the next one then is linked to
education what fears do you have around
education with specific reference to
your ability to achieve and be
successful in education do you have some
fears around that all those cars are
again nice and high so green orange or
blue the reason I've done that task is
to show you that fear is experienced
very differently for everyone
it looks it feels it sounds very
different depending on who you are now
fear often manifests itself as an
emotion and we use fear as a safety
mechanism the key consideration here is
the words might happen when you think
about fear if you to look the word fear
up in the dictionary you'll find the
definition is an unpleasant emotion or
thought we have more frightened or were
worried about something bad that's
happening it all might happen so I want
you to think about the word might happen
and when you do that I also want you to
think about the alternative and of
course the alternative is might not
similarly to the start of this talk when
I ask you to think about what fear means
to you I want you think about a
situation that you might have found
yourself in and they turned it down and
you turn that situation down because you
doubted yourself you were worried about
failing and the next time you find
yourself in that situation I want you to
think about the alternative the
alternative is might not I want you to
think about the potential of a positive
outcome now once explore false evidence
appearing real and it's a theme I'm
gonna explore throughout this talk and
I'll come back to it later the reality
is we often find ourselves in situations
that scare us and that frighten us and
we look for false evidence as a way to
justify ourselves not taking that
opportunity or I've got a couple of
examples for you one might be that you
apply for a job a long time ago and on
that particular occasion you weren't
successful and you didn't get to the
interview stage now some time has passed
and you see another job that's not too
dissimilar it's not the same job but
it's not too dissimilar now you want to
go for that job where you convince
yourself that you shouldn't go for it
and you start to think about the reasons
why not and some of them are that you
went for a job that's not too dissimilar
you didn't get taken to the in two stage
so I'm not gonna go for this job and you
convinced yourself not to go for
another example might be that you got
asked to lead a project for example
could be at school it could be at
college and somebody a long time ago
this person is no longer significant in
your life told you that you don't have
the skills to do that
now this opportunity is very exciting
for you but you start remembering that
conversation had a long time ago we
start to believe that you no longer have
the skills to do that to take up and
lead that project and this is what I'm
referring to as false evidence there is
no evidence there to suggest that you
can't do that and you can't be
successful then you can't achieve but in
our heads we suddenly start to compute
that evidence is facts and it's real so
the next time you find yourself in a
situation like that which ask yourself
the following questions what happens it
might happen it doesn't happen what
happens if the worst case scenario
doesn't happen what happens if I achieve
this what would it feel like if I
achieve this what do I feel like if I
went for this whatever this may be and
achieved it whatever it may be and the
reason I've opened up with the
definition of fear is that we often find
ourselves in real-life situations where
this applies and a very personal level
this has been this is very relevant and
has been applied to lots of situations
in my life whether that be in my early
years growing up and in a number of
situations since now what you won't know
about me is that was born into
significant disadvantage and poverty I
grew up in Ireland and I lived on the
Aran Islands on a very small island
there called Enosh moor which is
approximately eight kilometres long and
two kilometres wide and it's just off
the coast of Galway now the place was so
small in fact that believe it or not it
didn't even have its own hospital we had
to make a trip across the water to go
away it's a local hospital where I was
born
now I didn't live on the Aran Islands
for very long because my father wasn't a
particularly nice person and he's very
violent towards me and my family so I
was exposed to this whole notion of fear
from a very early stage in my life now
found myself in lots of lots of
situations throughout my life where
situations were feel uncomfortable where
I've been exposed to danger where I've
been scared and I've had lots and lots
of levels high levels of fear if I was
to give you a whistle-stop journey of my
life from that point until now it would
read as follows so I've left on the Aran
Islands when I was very young
due to domestic violence and I lived in
lots and lots of areas lots of different
places in Ireland and a lot of those
were hostels phenomenally hostels bought
at times unfortunately I found myself
homeless I had many many missed
opportunities in education because I
move around so much believe it or not
adversely no primary school attendance
now domestic violence is something I was
exposed to for many years when I was
younger and I moved to England when I
was nine years old that was a challenge
of course it was because I was
struggling with lots and lots of aspects
of life having to move from Ireland to
England was very difficult
I also sounded very different to every
other child in primary school had an
Irish accent nobody could understand a
word I was saying and for me it
highlight the fact that was different
and haven't been in England for less
than two years I was subsequently taken
into foster care I was struggling with
education has fallen significantly
behind my peers academically I was come
and really demotivated with this whole
notion of education being a foster care
wasn't easy and that further highlighted
the fact that I was different I'm still
struggling at school I've still fallen
behind my peers but I was now struggling
with dyslexia at the most part that went
undiagnosed for most of my education
now this be it may be of no surprise to
you but I gotten a lot of bother at
school of course
give him what I'd seen what I'd been
exposed to I was acting out in a way to
mask my own insecurities and my fear I
had around education
I was inhibiting myself from achieving
and most of that was down to me and my
mindset at the time I had a very fixed
mindset a very negative mindset I had a
fear of failure and I didn't
particularly enjoy you been in
situations that were out of my control
so what can I say from here ladies and
gents relax take a breath this hope the
story gets better like me if you're
struggling with any of these aspects
there is opportunity to change this
trajectory of your life where we start
in life is absolutely not where we need
to end up yes it's true to a certain
degree we are a product of our
environment but we all have the
opportunity to change the outlook I
started to realize my potential through
sport and athletics where excelled as a
teenager having gotten a small spot of
trouble with the police I and the people
around me realized had the ability to
run make of that what you will have an
outrun a police car from the local
shopping center summer foster hurl which
is about three and a half miles long it
was clear I had some talent it just
needed nurturing and with the support
from the foster family parents and my PE
teacher are joined a local athletics
club now that particular situation
wasn't comfortable it didn't sit
particularly well with me and I
absolutely had my own fears around that
but I continued to turn up every Tuesday
and Thursday and I soon benefited from
significant improvements I was no longer
there as a passenger I soon became a
real driving force in the club and
somebody who became recognized as one of
the best members of the club across all
ages I was soon chasing down club
records I was not only just competing
with other leads athlete but I was
competing across the Yorkshire County
with great success so what do you think
would have happened to little else
yawned around back then if I'd have
allowed that uncomfortableness that
feeling of fear that worried to dictate
whether I continue with athletics or not
what do you think
happen if I just didn't turn up after
that first session from here I slowly
began to overcome that I'm comfortable
isn't that worry and fear that shouldn't
be there and I made a real commitment to
athletics and a reflection I had never
wholeheartedly a hundred percent
committed to anything at that point in
my life and I realized that successful
failure aside this isn't that I am going
to commit to because if you never truly
commit to anything a hundred percent how
will you ever know how good you can be
over a period of years I see lots and
lots of determination commitment and
perseverance and yes it was challenging
but I achieved some fantastic things and
athletics my most notable achievements
were that I were the fastest
UK on the 23 athletes around 1,500
meters indoors during 2007 I got
selected to run for Great Britain at the
European Championships as an under-23
athlete I made the front cover of
athletics weekly which is a running
magazine and having grown up with a fear
of failure and not always believed in my
ability to achieve my education I have
since gone on to study a degree in
sports and exercise science a master's
in Sport and exercise nutrition I
started my working career in 2008 and
that career had developed into a
consultancy role where I was working
with a number of independent fostering
agencies and in that role I became one
of the youngest foster panel chairs in
the entire country I develop a
consultancy role into a business in 2017
that's no longer wholeheartedly reliant
on me
so I've recruited and have employed a
number of staff since and there's an
organisation we specialize in working in
the education sector I also own an
additional business which is an
investment business that is a portfolio
of buy-to-let properties and that I
started investing in that business at
the age of 23 and I continue to do that
now so haven't bragged a little bit
about some of my accolades I think it's
important to say that I didn't win
everything I certainly didn't achieve
the
first time every time and I certainly
didn't win every race that us out to run
but I learned some key lessons some
valuable lessons from those races that I
didn't win doing something despite the
fear of failure is the most powerful
thing you can do don't miss
opportunities because you think you
might fail you might not fail you might
win you might achieve and more
importantly you'll absolutely learn some
lessons along the way an example I can
give you one of many is when I ran the
orcish 800 meter championships many
years ago I wasn't really expected to
win and I finished third in that
particular occasion I didn't let the
fear of failure dictate how I ran that
race and took that race to every other
athlete on the start line a front ran it
from gone almost to tape where was
picked to the line by the first and
second athletes but I learned some
valuable lessons from that race through
sport I found the confidence and the
ability to conquer my fear I learned
some valuable lessons through sport that
I used the only in sport in education
and in my career today what you need to
realize is that if you want to achieve
anything in life there's always going to
be a level of fear and there's always
going to be a desire to avoid failure
but if you understand that you can use
it drive you forward and help you to
achieve your goals I think I learned to
unlock my potential many years ago
because I realized that I had a fear of
failure and that fear of failure was
holding me back I think a lot of people
don't realize how capable they are what
they can achieve and often take to you
to step outside your comfort zone to
just give something a go before you're
gonna realize it the fear of failure is
absolutely debilitating but what's the
worst thing that can happen now a couple
of key take-home messages for me before
I close this talk I want you to remember
is don't let the fear of failure hold
you back remember it stands for false
evidence appearing real
something ago despite the fear of
failure is the most powerful thing you
can do
don't don't don't miss opportunities
because you think you're gonna fail
learn to say yes give it a go and I
think you'll be surprised at what you
can achieve thank you very much
[Applause]
you