(pounding electronic music)
(audience cheers) - Welcome to Tosh.0.
This is our first show, and you're probably expecting
to be blown away right out of the box. Calm down.
(audience laughs)
Give the show a chance to grow.
(pounding electronic music)
You might've noticed that I've upgraded to cardigans.
That's right, no more hoodies. (audience laughs)
I'm wearing nothing but tight fitting cardigans
like I'm Mr. (beep) Rogers. (audience laughs)
Get used to it.
(pounding electronic music)
Okay, last season was all about cardigans,
but that is so 2009.
It is a new decade now, and everyone is dying to know
what I'll be wearing for the first half of season two.
So without further ado,
it's casual jackets!
(audience cheers)
Oh, man!
Yeah.
(pounding electronic music)
There was a lot of debate about what I would be wearing
for the rest of this season.
A lot of you voted online, and I want you to know
your votes were wasted. (audience laughs)
They didn't count. Your opinions are stupid.
(audience laughs) So without further ado,
I give you the summer of deep Vs!
(all cheer)
Alright, try not to be too jealous,
but everyone in my audience also received
a free, 100% cotton deep V!
(audience cheers)
Oh, it's gonna be a hot summer.
You might as well dress for it.
(audience laughs)
(pounding electronic music)
The wardrobe for the beginning of season three,
colla! (audience cheers)
Yeah, colla! (audience cheers)
Alright, knock it off.
(pounding electronic music)
It's officially the summer of Exposed Arms.
(audience cheers)
Ah, yeah, that's right.
You will be seeing some to all of these bad boys
for the rest of the summer. (audience laughs)
And yes, those are tan lines.
I surf on the reg.
(pounding electronic music)
In honor are of the new school year, as you can see,
the wardrobe will be collegiate apparel.
(audience cheers)
Only nine episodes left this season.
Hope your school makes the cut.
If it doesn't, you should transfer.
(pounding electronic music)
It's not about what I'm wearing, but who I'm wearing,
because this is a season of high fashion.
(audience cheers) - High fashion.
- High fashion. - High fashion.
(audience cheers) - Thank you.
Tonight, I'm wearing John Varvatos.
This understated ensemble can easily be yours
for a mere $11,842. (audience laughs)
(pounding electronic music)
What's so special about my wardrobe this summer?
I will be wearing Sick Kicks (audience oohs)
for the Ladies. (women cheer)
Because everyone knows it's the shoe that makes the outfit,
and these puppies glow in the dark!
(audience cheers) That's right, sneakerheads,
they're Reebok's Exofit Hi SG Strap Limited Editions.
(audience laughs) You want a pair for yourself?
Go (beep) yourself, you can't get these.
(pounding electronic music)
This fall, the wardrobe will be Overpriced Concert Tees!
(audience cheers) Wait, with Sexy Stubble.
(audience cheers)
You are right to cheer, I am very masculine.
And I will not tolerate anyone
criticizing my musical taste this season.
There's a reason I get paid millions of dollars
to have opinions. You have been warned.
(audience laughs)
Our first piece of merch is from Japandroids.
Now, let's listen to as much music
as we're allowed to play for free.
("The House That Heaven Built" by Japandroids)
Ah, they don't even have a bassist,
they don't even have a bassist.
(audience laughs)
And they're not from Japan.
And I'm guessing that's because Canadadroids
doesn't have the same ring to it.
(audience laughs)
(pounding electronic music)
Now, I know a lot of fashion blogs
have speculated over this season's new look,
and I'm proud to finally break my silence
and announce that in 2013, I will be wearing
nothing but the finest
("Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin) cashmere.
(audience oohs)
Thanks to my good buddies in Led Zeppelin
for writing that little wardrobe reveal jingle.
(audience laughs)
No touching, get your own. (audience laughs)
Cashmere is highly sensitive
to the oil in poor people's fingers.
(audience laughs)
(pounding electronic music)
No, I didn't get lazy and put on the same outfit
from last week.
This is the season of subtle differences.
(audience laughs)
Can you find it?
(pounding electronic music)
Now, if this wardrobe looks familiar,
it's because I'm not the first to wear it.
This is the season of Brad.
(audience cheers) (dramatic music)
I have long been considered the Brad Pitt of comedy.
People always get us confused,
which has got to be flattering for him,
but is very annoying for me. (audience laughs)
So every week, I will pay tribute
to this pretty good actor of our time
by donning some of his most iconic outfits.
Tonight's Brad-ass look is from "Mr. and Mrs. Smith,"
the movie that forced Brad to tell the love of his life
that he had just met the love of his life.
(audience laughs) (pounding electronic music)
Does what I'm wearing turn you on?
Does it intimidate you?
It's okay, that's natural, because this season's wardrobe
is Fifteen Shades of Gray.
(audience oohs)
I can tell none of you are faking it, that's how good I am.
(pounding electronic music)
(regal horn music) (audience applause)
- Hear ye, hear ye!
Let it be known throughout the kingdom that on this day,
the wardrobe for Season 7-A of Tosh.O
shall be known hence forth as Prints Charming.
(audience cheers) (mellow rock music)
- A little bit retro, a little bit metro.
It's prints, prints all season long!
Don't let the majesty of my new wardrobe
distract you peasants from my new fake set.
I'm constantly improving, while you just sit there,
getting uglier, fatter, and further away from your dreams
with every breath.
(pounding electronic music)
What am I wearing?
Welcome to The Season That Was Mother(beep) Tucked.
(audience cheers) (upbeat rock music)
That's right, it's time for me to grow up and dress my age.
I am no longer in my late 20s
or mid 30s.
(audience laughs) (pounding electronic music)
Okay, why do I look so rugged yet ravishing?
Why did I grow the thickest, bushiest beard I could muster?
Because this is the season of Cabin Couture.
(birds chirp) (audience cheers)
(pounding electronic music)
Since some of you can't afford to go on vacation,
I'll let my wardrobe do the vacationing for you,
because this is the Summer 2016
Tropical Island Resort Wear Collection for Tosh by Tosh.
(chill island music) (winds whipping)
(audience applause) You can just call it
resort wear. (winds whipping)
(chill island music) Get ready for lots and lots
of breathable linen and draw strings instead of belts.
(pounding electronic music)
Why is my shirt made of pants?
Because this autumn's wardrobe is Danum in Denim.
(audience cheers) - Danum in Denim.
(mellow rock music) The most durable fabric
known to man.
Hell, I bet two horses couldn't tear it apart.
(pounding electronic music)
And for the new wardrobe. I give you
(ethereal music)
The White Season.
(audience cheers)
The critics are divided.
Some are calling it my best season.
Others are saying it's too experimental.
(pounding electronic music)
Are you a thigh guy?
Then you're gonna love this seasons wardrobe.
I give you this Summer of Short Pants,
Featuring Dan's Gams. (audience cheers)
Aw yeah, take a closer look!
Slashed my slacks budget in half.
Put those savings right back into the show.
(pounding electronic music)
Welcome to the fall premier of Tosh.O.
As the leaves change, so does my wardrobe.
This is the season of Autumn Hues Every Tues.
(audience cheers) I love it!
Yeah, LA may not have seasons, but I do.
(pounding electronic music)
I am proud to announce that this is the season
of Athleisure for Your Pleasure.
(audience cheers) (chill hip hop music)
Sounds like you got the fever for athleisure.
I don't blame you.
(pounding electronic music)
Things are about to get real loose around here,
because this is the season of Tosh.Flow.
(audience cheers) (wind whooshing)
(leaf blowers whooshing)
If it doesn't flow-
- [Audience] It's got to go.
- It's got to go!
(pounding electronic music)
This is the season of Eating Out-fits.
(audience cheers)
Yeah.
Hey, have you ever eaten at a restaurant
that sells clothes at the register
and thought, "Who would ever buy that?"
Well, I did, and I'll be wearing restaurant merch
all season long, and hopefully,
I'll never pay for food again.
(audience laughs) As you can see,
this Eating Out-fit is from Orlando's own Beefy King.
I don't even eat beef anymore,
but I loved this place when I was in college.
They called tater tots beefy spuds.
(pounding electronic music)
If I'm looking a little matchy matchy,
that's because this is the season that was Monochromosexual!
(audience cheers) (trippy music)
That's right, monochrome from my toes to my dome!
(pounding electronic music)
For tax purposes, we've moved the show to Miami.
Despite the cool vibes, this year is gonna be a huge downer
because this is the Season of Mourning.
(audience cheers) (trumpet funeral music)
Have some goddamn respect.
(audience laughs)
In these dark days, nothing says it's time to laugh
like funeral attire.
(pounding electronic music)