Most of us have parents who teach us how to be polite - what's okay to say to
people and what's not. Sometimes these childhood lessons
actually carry over into our relationships, and we're very careful not
to say anything that will hurt or upset or cause our partner anxiety or stress.
Today on Reaction Reset, I'm talking about 6 secrets you should never keep
from your partner because they can destroy and ruin your relationship.
We all have secrets or things we don't tell our partner - things that may cause
them to be upset or feel bad about themselves. For example, we don't always
tell them if we notice they've gained a few pounds. Or maybe if your mom or dad
said something critical about your husband, you wouldn't tell your husband
what they said. However, there are things that if you don't bring them up or you
don't share them (the secrets) that they can actually destroy your relationship.
Let's go through those six secrets now. The first one is overspending or running
into money issues. Many times, when a partner is upset or feeling bad about
themselves, they'll spend money. They may spend more money on food, entertainment
clothes, makeup, hair. Whatever it is, the bottom line is if you keep what you're
spending - your situation financially - from your partner things can happen in the
marriage. All of a sudden you have a bill due. You find out that there's no money in
the savings account. A big issue comes up and what you relied on or depended on
financially in your relationship is now unstable. The best way to avoid this is
to have an monthly budget meeting and sit down and bring the books with you.
Both people should know all the bank account passwords. Infidelity with money
is as severe and as common as infidelity in the bedroom. The second is if you feel
like you've lost the connection or the emotional intimacy with your partner.
Do not keep that a secret. It's very important that you open up and talk
about it. The reason is because if you're thinking this is just gonna go away or
you're just in a mood and that's why it happens, soon enough you'll be seeing
that mood more frequently. Not only that, but with your inability to
feel connected you're leaving your partner out on the side. It may be
something you can see or understand on the inside, but they may not from where
they are. This can destroy your relationship. Next, you aren't happy in
the bedroom. If you're not happy in the bedroom, the only person who needs to
know about that right now is your partner. The most important
predictor of how well couples do sexually is if the couples will talk
about their sexuality. It is important that you know upfront all sexual
relationships go through periods of peaks and valleys. When they're a
long-term relationship, you can expect challenges along the way. You're in a
different mood, you're in a different stage of life, all those are relevant but
what's important is if you keep it a secret from your partner and you begin
avoiding sex because you don't enjoy it. Not only are you not trusting your
partner with your truth, but it's showing your partner rejection because they
don't understand. Fourthly, if you're concerned about your physical health.
If you're concerned about your physical health, it's important that you have your
partner to talk to about it. Teamwork with any medical condition ends
up leading to success much more than if it's one partner and the other one is
not supportive. After you talk to your partner, go and seek a health care
professional who can help you, that you can discuss what the symptoms are, and
actually get a diagnosis. Next, when something from your past begins haunting
you in the future. A lot of us have secrets that we just never talked about
with our partner. Anytime something from the past comes back into the present and
your partner doesn't know about it, it can blindside them. It can make them
question, "Who is this person," or, "What else don't I know about
my partner?" It's much better to circumvent that and tell your partner
upfront what's gone on in your past. If your partner truly loves you, then they
will be able to understand and accept what happened and help you move forward.
By giving you the emotional support you need. And, lastly, if your diet or your
drinking has become excessive. Many times, people are so busy or they're in denial,
and they do not notice that their partner is behaving in a different way
or looking different. They're eating different or drinking more. This is very
important that you lean on your partner, and you tell them what is going on.
Most of the time, when people get into bizarre diets or they starve themselves or don't
eat, or they're drinking to excess, they're trying to calm down stress or feel
better from depression or calm down anxiety. Talking to your partner can help
give you the support you need to get the treatment you need. I have seen so many
couples destroyed because one of the partners had no idea how much one person
was drinking or what they were eating or weren't eating until it was so bad that
the person needed to be placed in a medical facility. Being in a relationship
doesn't mean your partner needs to know everything; however, the more transparent
you are, the more open you are to each other, the better quality your
relationship is going to have. Fear of judging is what limits our ability to be
honest and truthful with our partner. We feel like we'll lose them if they knew
our truth. Embrace your imperfections and trust your partner to do the same.
Remember change your reaction, change your world.