(high five noise)
Top of the mornin' to ya, Laddies!
My name is JackSepticEye and welcome back...
...to "Totally Accurate Battle Simulator"!
We're going in against our samurai bros
This time, level 16
And I'm going to see
Are you doing this thing again where you say
I have 200 and then If I lose
Wait
Ohh (happy) the cherry blossoms!
Yeah
Now I have a thousand
Stop lying to me!
Ok......
We're just gonna put
Samurai V Samurai
I'm gonna splay them out
Any sort of way at all
Because I feel like this is the way the battle should have gone
(clicking) uh, right!
How many is that?
Twenty units
Not so bad
Oh... God why did I have to put some of them behind
trees and rocks?
I didn't know that
[chuckles]
Are we still all--ah jesus come on dudes
...
Get with the rest of the war!
Okay! These guys are goin' at it -- they're fightin'!
Aw! I wish you could see the blood of our enemies run down the river!
That'd be awesome!
Okay we have the advantage, we have the upper hand.
We have the numbers! and we have the victory!
[Yelling with Irish? accent] Glory Greatest!
Nice okay. Moving on. [laughs]
Samurais and archers! Okay, I want to see if I can just catapult this again.
uh, a chariot
and... a bunch of vikings
'Cause why not? Vikings are cool. Vikings are awesome.
If you don't think so I'll kick a possum.
Okay, chariot, you go and fend off the hoards of Babylonians.
There we go! Yes!
Aw that thing is destroyed already. God! Dang!
Oh god, why?
Why? Why ya attacking my own guy's?
Stop no! There's bigger more pressing matters! Yes!
Fire at the arrows!
How wh-where did that boulder go?
No, fire at those guys! Yes!
There's one dead. That's cool.
Oh now they're all gonna attack me though..
[sharp intake of breath]
OHH Christ
Yes! Yes!
You can do it one guy! No you can't you're firing rocks
at other rocks
How are you supposed to break rocks with other rocks.
That's like fighting fire with fire.
um.
Right. So no catapults.
Maybe two chariots.
I feel like I need uuddghhshh.
Just more Vikings.
I feel like I need to over power them.
Actually what I probably need.
Is just archers.
And your not going there and I learned my lesson.
not to put guys behind
chariots
Or in front of chariots.
Cause your gonna. Fly over them and then.
Lets face it. That's not a good time for anybody.
And then all my archers back here.
How many can I put down.
Perfect.
OKAY!
Oh sweet jesus. What just happened.
What's going on are you seeing this!?
Oh gawd the glitched. The game glitched.
All out.
What's going on?
Is this...?
Okkkaaayyy
*sad trumpets (defeat sound)*
Why did that happen.
Good now I can put down my warriors again.
Gawd dam it.
haha
That was weird.
She's fixed. She's grand now.
Horses
stop going over each other.
You morons.
ahhhhh gawd.
But at least your distracting them.
So they're all firing back there now yes?
Ahhhh you almost got a clump of them.
Ahhh I could probably just do this with all archers.
Cause none of the guys on the other.... side. have any shields.
GO MEN!!!
FIGHT!!!
What are YOU doing?? Are you pissing up against a tree?
What are you...Stop it! You googley eyed man.
Okay.
nice
Sneak attack
Get em. Get at least. One more. Yesss
Now my archers and everything can take care of the rest
That's easy pickings. That's no problem.
Look at this.
*growly voice *Disgruntal battlefield
*chipper voice* Yay!
My army did it.
Okay
Lvl 18
Gawd were flying through the levels now.
Samurai and Vikings.
okay so I
Need alittle bit of
Catapults
cause they need to get through the shields.
And then everything else can probably just be archers.
Because let's face it
Oh and a farmer
You always need a farmer
a farmer on a tractor milking the cows.
And then you're grand.
Oh gawd where do I fucking put ye
UUUUGGGHHH!!!
This is bad.
This is bad, stop hitting rocks.
Yes
You guys are to take...Ahhhh the farmer's are in danger.
Haha
Yeah the boulders
No daa come on
My archers killed...
My own catapults.
Gawd damit if there was an award.
This army would be taking all of those awards.
Guess it's my own fault. I should of learned by now not to put them all next to eachother.
There you go
There you go.
Easy pickings. Where the fuck did that boulder go.
*happy brass instruments (victory sound)*
Did you go to school in....
pfft.
He got his catapult license from a fucking cereal box. That's what it is.
A hwacha and muskets.
Okay if I just put my guys far enough away from the hwacha its not going to hit them.
Cause you put down the hwacha. It just fires immediately.
Ummm
I wonder could I do it with chariots.
Let me. let me just see. Let me see what happens
Oh gawd.
Okay maybe it doesn't do what I just said.
Ahh
It's okay
You survived.
You're doing good
On dancer!
On prancer!
On fucko and bucko!
*chuckles*
come on.
Get yer heads out of your own horses' arses
And get workin'!
Speaking of arses
Look at that polygonal booty!
It's very nice!
Okay, this isn't working
Um...what would happen if I just put down two catapults?
Could I win with this?
I think I could.
These guys are' floatin'.
kay...okay...okay
I stopped the arrows midair
that's awesome!
The hwacha I'm not worried about
because it's just gonna stop on its own.
And these guys need a good bit of distance
to get their muskets off-oh my fuckin' god!
*sad trumpets* Oh my god!
You would have won that!
If you weren't...looking at them through toilet roll holders
*exasperated sigh* Oh my lord
Um, what's good against musket men?
Something with a lot of speed which is why I was thinking chariots
'cause you'd get to them before they fired off their muskets.
Or at least you might dodge them and then
they're firing off more muskets and you're fine
um...
use these guys to take fire.
Let's see what happens.
The river and the rocks and all sorts of stuff
goin' on
Oh god
oh god...oh yes!
*excited* YES! *angry* DON'T!
*angry silence with ingame screams and explosions in the background*
I would say a moment for our fallen comrades...
Oh, and we would have been fine as well!
A bunch of my musket men sucked a big-
A bunch of my musket men sucked a big
A bunch of their musket men sucked a big D
Who's alive?!
WHAT?!
*understanding* Oh
These guys are still alive *defeat sound*
They already hit the guy
They were doin' fine but they fell off the edge!
Why dudes??
Why?
Okay, where is a good place to put them?
That's not that good because you do this annoying stuff
Oh yes! Turn it back on them!
Oh my god
if two chariots could win this whole thing I would be a happy camper.
no
No
Yes
*victory sound* *excited screaming*
HE DID IT! ALL ON HIS OWN!
Good boy Betsy!
Chicken man man. Okay, so we're fightin' the giant dude
I am going to see if all my catapults can win against this
I wanna see what happens
I don't even care
Oh, there are some other guys
You said chicken man man!
You didn't say chicken man man plus a bunch of samurai
There we go, hit him with boulders.
Smolder the boulder
*wrestler voice(?)* The boulder is over his conflicted emotions
Come on
come on
there ya go
There you go!
The boulder feels conflicted
about fighting a giant man poopin' other men.
*Jack laughing*
It's like a guy who can't swim!
*more laughing*
are we? are we actually damaging him?
I don't know what's happening!
Is he gettin' hurt?
I'm hitting him in the, in the goulash.
And I'm hittin' him in the fuckin' face
OH! Mother of god!
Sweet flips!
Come on! Kill him!
Kill him! Kill him dead!
Get him him up!
*victory sound* YEEEAAH!
THAT'S how we do!
'You beat the pre-alpha'.
Thanks game.
It was hard fought.
It was hard-
What's goin' on?
What is happening?
Stop that! Okay
What I wanna try is chicken man man versus
I didn't do this last time and I should have
Uh, we'll go on winter
Um
Chicken man man versus a bunch of....
samurai
kay. Performance is still dandy.
Performance is great.
Oh yes
Why am I able to put down a shit ton now?
Oh my god, performance is might now!
It's 'cause I got a new GPU
Ah god he was hangin' out him like a dingleberry
Um, I got a GTX1080 in my system now
Which the TitanX should have been fucking fine but NO *sarcastic*
*victory sound*
okay...I thought that that would be a LOT slower
um....right.
So we put down TWO chicken men men
This is like Attack on Titan
*sings(?) the Attack on Titan soundtrack with singing intensifying to eventual screaming*
Kill 'em! Kill 'em dead!
Oh yes!
Ohhhh
Attack on Titan?
More like SMITE the Titans!
That was awesome!
*Jack makes whale sound while giant falls*
I like how you only have to kill the chicken men
Well, the giants, but you don't have to kill anything else
Um, yeah, so I used to have a GTX TitanX in my system
And I was like 'Oh, that's really good! It has a lot of V-ram. It has a lot of great stuff in it.
It's a really great GPU
But then GTX1080 is kicking the fuckin' shit out of it apparently.
Now I fuckin' figured out the bottleneck in my system
Um...catapults v. catapults.
And then samurai.
Samurai.
26 and 25. *gets rid of one* Okay, there we go.
And then we're gonna put down
four chariots. And four chariots.
God! I can put in so much more stuff!
This is awesome!
Okay, bad performance, let's take out some of this.
50 v. 50
That's pretty fucking good for what's going on on screen
Yeah! Go dudes!
Oh my god!
THIS is all out war.
This is full on combat and conflict.
Who's gonna win??
I have no idea because I have no idea what's going on.
Where am I doin'-Oh there's a blue dude left!
The blue dudes are stormin' the fuckin' gates right now!
Holy shit balls!
Ah God, samurais
Okay, I don't know wh- *interrupted by screaming as blue guy falls from the sky*
*Jack laughing*
guys You were off up in the sky!
How did that happen??
Oh mother-*laughing again*
Tab space program!
*victory sound* Blue victory!
By a fuckin' landslide!
Maybe not so much a landslide as it was just
my other guys being stupid
Okay! Well that does it for the Tabs Pre-Alpha
I finished all the levels now.
All twenty of them
And I'm glad now you can go back and select whichever level.
Which is pretty cool!
I dunno, like, what else there is to do in the game.
I could come back and, like, mess around in the sandbox.
I do really like this game
but I feel like I've kinda tapped the potential out of it
so I don't really know what else I would do.
If you have some cool suggestions for what to do in the sandbox
let me know and I'll take some of them from the comments
of THIS video
and do them in the next one
'cause I think we could play out some really cool situations.
Like with some catapults and some samurai or something like that
I don't know, I have no idea.
...But for now, THANK you guys so much for watching this video.
If you LIKED it, PUNCH the like button in the face...
LIKE A BOSS!
And... high fives all around.
(high five noises)
Thank you guys and I will see all you dudes...
...IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
*end music and commentary from a ClusterTruck episode*
All those chickens fightin' each other have made me hungry.
Also, all those men
stabbing each other and raining blood down
has made me hungry.
There's somethin' wrong with me...