On December 14, 2012, Neil Heslin lost his son in the Sandy Hook shootings
In August of 2013, at a retreat at Blue Cliff Monastery, New York, he asked Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh a question
This is my first retreat I've been to
I didn't know what to expect
and I've found a lot of kindness, a lot of love
a lot of caring
a lot of understanding.
I've experienced suffering
that few will ever
ever experience.
I've seen suffering
sadness, very few will ever see
and experience.
Along with that I've seen kindness
compassion, love and support
towards myself from all parts of the world
That few will ever see
or feel.
And I've also felt the anger and hatred
that few will ever feel
or have to deal with.
My question is
what could we have done different
or what could have happened different to prevent this?
None of it's anything I ever wished for or wanted:
the suffering, or the compassion and happiness
and love that came from that, was unwarranted.
I lost my son, my one and only son Jessy
at December 14th at Sandy Hook Elementary school
and I struggle with that everyday.
I've had some pretty bad days and pretty bad times in my life
and there is no way to describe that -
the suffering, the heartbreak.
And I keep thinking in my mind
what could've prevented
what happened that day?
It wasn't an act of war,
it wasn't an accident
it wasn't an ilness.
It was something that happened for no reason
a tremendous act of violence
and loss of lives.
I guess, I would like to...
there's probably no answer...
But my question is
what could have prevented
what happened that day?
What could help prevent that in the future?
What changes could we all make to
to help try to prevent things like that, suffering like that
to people and humans in the future?
Dear Thay, our friend lost his son
at Sandy Hook School
Newtown
Yes, Newtown, Connecticut
And he has experienced very deep suffering
And he has also experienced a lot of love and support
in this retreat.
And our friend is asking
what could have prevented
what happened at Sandy Hook School?
I think if we do not do something
and then that will happen again
somewhere else in America
and in other places.
There will be young men or women
that will be bringing guns to school and shooting.
We have to see now
there are potential young people like that.
So, your son is telling us
telling you
that the person who did the killing
was a victim.
He did not know how to handle
the suffering, the anger, the violence in him.
His teacher, his father, his mother has not
instructed him how to handle the energy of
violence and anger in him.
Sometimes he may be kind and sweet
but sometimes else
he's pushed by the energy of violence and
anger and despair to do these kind of things.
And when we look into a young person
We may see all these possibilities of being loving
or of being violent.
So, your son is telling you and us that
we should do something in order to prevent that
to happen again.
We should practice,
we should know the way to handle
the violence and the anger in us,
and we should transmit that practice to
the younger generation.
The purpose of retreats like this
is exactly to do that.
How to learn to be happy
learn how to be happy
learn how to handle suffering, violence,
fear, anger in us.
that is why many of our monks and nuns, and
lay teachers are working with school teachers
and parents in order to transmit that kind of skill,
that kind of practice.
And after having mastered that
they can transmit that to their children,
and students in school.
And please support us.
I think you son is telling you
to support us in this kind of work.
We have helped thousands of teachers
school teachers in India
in other countries as well
and also in America.
Governor Brown of California
He allowed us to experiment that kind of
transmission [training] in two private schools
in California,
and we have many people who are
ready to support us in that.
You don't have to be a buddhist in order to
learn and to practice this.
To learn how to handle fear,
violence, despair in yourself...
How to say thing that can restore
communication and reconcile -
you don't need to embrace a religion
in order to practice this.
So we suffer the same kind of suffering
that you have experienced.
If the situation happens like that
we have to suffer.
But there is a way to suffer.
If we have some mindfulness and concentration
and some insight, we will suffer
but we will suffer less.
The period of suffering may be shorter
and after that we can develop
our understanding and compassion
and we can transform our suffering into
something more positive and help other people
especially the younger generation.