So I went to Vegas, right?
Yep.
And you know, I stayed at the place called the "Area" Hotel.
Uh-huh?
Oh, you've been there?
Aria.
OK.
Oh, the Aria?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
Yes, it's a--
I like to call it the "Area" because what happened was--
there was an area.
And the area was that there was a slot machine.
It was sort of later at night.
And I thought, you know, I'm going to play the slot machine,
right?
So what I did was, I played this-- well,
I came across the slot machine, and there was your head.
Right.
That's right.
Your head was there, and with a charming smile,
and it's inviting.
And so I thought, OK.
This is going to be--
I'm going to spend some money on Ellen's slot machine.
Good idea.
So anyway, Ellen, here's the problem.
I lost my money.
No.
No, wait.
No, not good.
People have won money on my slot machine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not me.
They're not rigged.
No.
They're not rigged.
They're not rigged?
Why not?
For friends?
I can't rig them with for friends, but I'm glad that--
when you went to Vegas--
Pardon me.
Have some mo--
I'm just going to have more--
Have some.
I know.
She does this because she doesn't like doing talk shows,
and you get nervous so it makes you less nervous, right?
I wish I could share this with the audience.
[INAUDIBLE]
Yeah.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Look what you've done.
So when you went to Vegas, did you fly there?
Or did you drive?
And what were you doing there?
What?
Oh, yeah.
Here's the thing.
What I did was I drove.
By yourself?
I drove to Vegas.
I had a companion--
a woman.
Her name is Stephanie.
Uh-huh.
Did you drive or did she drive?
She's annoying.
She's really annoying.
Excuse me.
Please tell us about Stephanie.
Yeah.
Why did you go with her if she's annoying?
And who drove?
Stephanie drove.
And had you driven with Stephanie before?
I'd driven with Stephanie.
It's not a pleasant thing for me.
Well, then why did you let her drive you?
Why didn't you just fly?
Because people don't want me to drive.
So I was in the car.
I was the person at the--
I was at the right of the driver.
That's the passenger.
I was the passenger.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
That's how we all--
we're all transported the same way.
Will you pardon me for a second?
Yes, please.
As the passenger, I felt that I had certain rights.
Which are?
Number one, to look out the window,
and so I could see the sights, but Stephanie was
annoying because Stephanie--
you see, she knew this town called Surprise, Arizona.
Can you imagine that name?
So I was looking for the sign.
I've imagined it.
Yeah, right.
So that's what it was.
And that's the end of my story.
But that's not a good one.
You don't like it?
No, don't tell that on a talk show again.
That's not a good story.
It's a horrible story.
It doesn't go anywhere.
No.
I didn't go anywhere with my story.
No, it was-- first of all, we don't know why she was--
I think people in this audience have been in a car,
and I think they like the story.
They're-- those are two--
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
All right.
Now we're talking.
Wait, those are two di--
That's rude to treat a guest like me like that.
Don't you think?
I had a good story.
It was-- and the audience liked it.
No, they--
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
I happen to have an audience that are very, very kind.
And they--
Not loyal to you.
And they love to-- no.
They turn on you like--
They're on my side.
Yeah, they're on your side.
Because I'm the guest.
As soon as you leave, I'm going to say,
did you like that story?
And they're going to be, no, we did not.
It was not a good story.
Not a good story.
Now, we have to take a break.
And when we come back, we're going
to talk about your beautiful--
Oh, my god.
--home--
That dog.
--and your cute dog.
Love that dog.
Sweet, sweet dog.
Am I doing well on the show today?
And the hat.
Oh, it's a slam dunk.
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Do you think I'll get asked back?
Yes.
I mean, do you really seriously?
Will I get asked back?
You will always be welcome here.
I adore you.
I love you.
I mean, that story honestly was bad, but--
it didn't go anywhere.
You just said she was annoying, and then you
said you wanted to look out the window, and there's a place
called Surprise, Arizona.
Did you like that from the looking out the window part?
Then you go, people are like a car, and then they, like--
and then you all clap, and I'm like, what's happening?